Yeah, that is tough, be prepared for a rough rode ahead. But putting your kids first is important.
Hang in there.
Thanks Country.
Originally Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive
[quote]This is one of the biggest problems of the LBS.
When you take action to protect yourself and your kids what does it matter that the WAW gets angry?
ugghhh.
Exactly. I wish that it would have occurred to me earlier in my sitch. I have to thank 25 big time for shedding some light for me.
TBH, this was part of the reason I took a temp on my W this past Monday. The other part was because I truly want to be there for her while she goes through a difficult time with her mom's health.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
The plan was to send my kids to NM with my W in mid-July. They have been with me since the end of March. If I live away from NM, then I would get them during summer breaks, spring break, Christmas and Thanksgiving. If I moved to NM, then I would get them 50/50.
I've looked at the job prospects for me in NM and I would be lucky to make a 1/3 of what I do here.
I think 50/50 is fair, but not at the expense of my career because of her choice.
I should have hired a L in Jan/Feb. Honestly, I feared stirring things up more and really upsetting my W. Plus I didn't want to drag my kids through a custody battle. Unfortunately I have no choice if I want to be in my kids lives.
The way 25 painted the picture, helped me see my role quite clearly and what I need to do. I have a meeting with my L next Wednesday to go over everything.
LITB, these were exactly my thoughts when it came to child custody and my wife. My wife is not out of state, but still about 200 miles away. And yup, my job prospects in her town are pretty bad.
Last week when i talked to her about lawyer trying to get the 50/50 schedule, she flew off the handle and guilted me of not thinking about our daughter. I think that was total BS.
I think all the BITS really showed me how important it is to make sure that your kids know both the parents well.
Good luck on your fight.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
This resonated with me. My WAW echoes this sentiment. We don't communicate at all so things are in limbo. It's frustrating, so I'm just doing the best I can with GAL.
Your attitude on the sitch is healthy...I strive to get to where you're at.
Hang in there.
_______________________ M: 47; W: 39 M: 4.5 yrs; T: 18 years No children Separated: 01/19/11 Wife Served Papers: 02/1/11 Wife moved: 03/05/11 Responded: 04/14/11
Originally Posted By: Left_in_the_Bay
Update:
Those feelings festered until yesterday when I decided to do a temperature check on the W. Wow, she still holds some very deep anger towards me and still blames me for all of her unhappiness. She said that she felt lonely in our R and that she got so tired of me that she didn't want to be around me. OUCH!! I don't remember ever hearing her cry the way she did yesterday. TBH, it scared me for her.
_______________________ M: 47; W: 39 M: 4.5 yrs; T: 18 years No children Separated: 01/19/11 Wife Served Papers: 02/1/11 Wife moved: 03/05/11 Responded: 04/14/11
Please understand LITB, that you DO need to fight for your kids, but...
Kids develop BEST when then have the MOST access to BOTH parents.
50/50 is the best, with most access to both parents.
Fighting for custody, reducing the access time of the other spouse, whether done by the WAS or the LBS is reducing the opportunity for the kids to develop BEST.
I'm not saying give in, but I am saying do what is right for the kids, given the situation.
Please understand LITB, that you DO need to fight for your kids, but...
Kids develop BEST when then have the MOST access to BOTH parents.
50/50 is the best, with most access to both parents.
Fighting for custody, reducing the access time of the other spouse, whether done by the WAS or the LBS is reducing the opportunity for the kids to develop BEST.
I'm not saying give in, but I am saying do what is right for the kids, given the situation.
I completely understand and have put a lot of thought into this decision. Given the circumstances and the choices that I have, it is a no win situation no matter what I decide.
That being said, I am doing what I feel is in the best interest of our kids. I have always been a good dad despite what my W claims. She has conveniently forgotten all the positive things that I have done.
Believe me, it is not a decision that I'm happy to make, but a decision that had to be made.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I think all the BITS really showed me how important it is to make sure that your kids know both the parents well.
Good luck on your fight.
Thanks Myk. I learned a lot from your thread. So much so it helped me make my decision.
What happens from here only the Lord knows. I'm going to do my best to do my part and leave the rest in his hands.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
This resonated with me. My WAW echoes this sentiment. We don't communicate at all so things are in limbo. It's frustrating, so I'm just doing the best I can with GAL.
Your attitude on the sitch is healthy...I strive to get to where you're at.
Hang in there.
Thanks for the kind words wawinla.
The advice I can give you is to continue GAL and take care of yourself. That's the only thing we can control. Make the best of the time we are given, because tomorrow is not a given.
It isn't easy to put our situations aside, but it has to happen for our own sanity. Believe me, just when I think that I am doing well, I get overcome with sadness. I'm sure we all cycle through it to some degree. Some more than others.
Continue GAL and you will be fine in time.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
With all the advice flying around here, I gather that limited contact/going dark worked well for others that have been down this path.
Personally, I feel that I need to begin limiting contact with my W as well. When I took her temp on Monday, she said some very harsh things about me(not a surprise). Within the last couple of days she has tried to draw me out. I have to admit that she was successful until yesterday afternoon. She sent me 2 text messages that I didn't reply to. I haven't heard from her since. I figured WTH do I want to talk to someone that just told me on Monday she didn't want to be around me. I feel like her spare tire. Enough of that.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
And always LOOK your best and BE your best, in case chance encounters with her might happen or friends who see you tell your W how happy you are and good you look...
and the side effect...? We actually begin to believe we look good and feel good...
Yep..that's the toughest part..the cycling back and forth.
Originally Posted By: Left_in_the_Bay
Originally Posted By: wawinla
L in the B:
This resonated with me. My WAW echoes this sentiment. We don't communicate at all so things are in limbo. It's frustrating, so I'm just doing the best I can with GAL.
Your attitude on the sitch is healthy...I strive to get to where you're at.
Hang in there.
Thanks for the kind words wawinla.
The advice I can give you is to continue GAL and take care of yourself. That's the only thing we can control. Make the best of the time we are given, because tomorrow is not a given.
It isn't easy to put our situations aside, but it has to happen for our own sanity. Believe me, just when I think that I am doing well, I get overcome with sadness. I'm sure we all cycle through it to some degree. Some more than others.
Continue GAL and you will be fine in time.
_______________________ M: 47; W: 39 M: 4.5 yrs; T: 18 years No children Separated: 01/19/11 Wife Served Papers: 02/1/11 Wife moved: 03/05/11 Responded: 04/14/11
