[LITB]

Here is my reply that I have not sent:

I can’t imagine how bad you feel for your mom(stealing this straight from your thread CS). I’m sorry you have to travel right in the middle of being there for her. Hopefully she’ll be back up to par before you know it.

The rest of the email will be to give her the logistics of getting a hold of the kids this afternoon since I am working late.

[LITB]

Update:

Last Tuesday I received the revised agreement that was supposed to have additional language to better protect me. The document company did not incorporate all of the changes that my W and I agreed to and specifically requested. W was out of town on business and didn't get to address it until this morning.

This brought back the uneasy feelings of anger that I've had regarding child custody since the beginning.

Those feelings festered until yesterday when I decided to do a temperature check on the W. Wow, she still holds some very deep anger towards me and still blames me for all of her unhappiness. She said that she felt lonely in our R and that she got so tired of me that she didn't want to be around me. OUCH!! I don't remember ever hearing her cry the way she did yesterday. TBH, it scared me for her.

Who knows if and when she will forgive me? It s*cks.

In the meantime, I have an email into my attorney to revisit my case. The MIL is the primary help to my W with the kids. With her being hospitalized for the 2nd time in just less then a year, she is more of a liability than an asset to my W. Not to mention that they are doing well living with me.

I have been trying to do all the right things, but I think we are at the point where the gloves are about to come off. This is going to be painful.

[2stepboogie]

I would say stop taking temp checks on your W it is like constantly looking for ways to hurt yourself because we get the answer we should expect but don't want to hear.

It is hard but it serves no purpose at all.

Why are you doing all the "right things"?

Because you want a certain outcome?

We all want the same thing or at least we start wanting the same thing but if we do not do them for the right reason then eventually our true colors will shine through because the changes are not real.

I am not saying we need to make all the changes as LBS but we can only work on ourselves. In the long run if you ever want a healthy R with your W she will have to look in the mirror also.

Feeling angry?

We have the right to feel angry.

I think sometimes we forget that. After all they walked out on us.

But

We can spend all our time being angry about that or realizing that we contributed to the end of the M/R and start to look inside at what we can do differently. Not because we want them back but because they are changes we need to make. If we don't I hate to say we will all be return visitors here at some point in our lives

[LITB]

Thanks for dropping in 2step.

I would say stop taking temp checks on your W it is like constantly looking for ways to hurt yourself because we get the answer we should expect but don't want to hear.

You are absolutely right. This was the first time I did this since the W moved out on March 25th. Needless to say lesson learned.

I learned that my W still has so much built up resentment that she needs a lot of time to even begin to forgive me. Whenever she decided she was unhappy, she lasered in on every negative thing she could think of about me. She backtracked to the beginning.

Back to doing what I was doing before taking her temp, along with giving her additional space.

Why are you doing all the "right things"?

Because you want a certain outcome?

We all want the same thing or at least we start wanting the same thing but if we do not do them for the right reason then eventually our true colors will shine through because the changes are not real.

I am not saying we need to make all the changes as LBS but we can only work on ourselves. In the long run if you ever want a healthy R with your W she will have to look in the mirror also.

I know many of my changes were originally with the intent of saving my M. What I have found is that they are changes that needed to be made and I’m happy with the new LITB.

My W has taken notice and says that she is happy for the kids, but it makes her angry that it took her having to D me to get me to change. There isn’t anything I can do about her feelings or the past, but to continue being positive and living my life.

Feeling angry?

We have the right to feel angry.

I think sometimes we forget that. After all they walked out on us.

You are right again. I had put any negative feelings on a shelf and there they sat until last week.

Right now, being a full-time single parent, there isn’t much time for myself to process my own feelings. Perhaps by me starting to work about an hour away beginning tomorrow will give me time to do some additional reflecting.

More from yesterday:
During our convo, I told her that I was sorry about the past. If I could go back in time to fix everything, I would. Unfortunately I can’t and I can only keep improving from this day forward. I also told her that I didn’t need her in my life, but want her in my life. Only if she wants to be in my life though.

There was plenty said. One of the main points the W said is that she feels that sometimes I forget for how long she was unhappy for. I don’t forget. I just didn’t know. That’s another thing that she mentioned. She doesn’t understand how I didn’t know how unhappy she was.

I’m all over the place. Time to call it a night.

[LITB]

I have been reading many posts by 25 about child custody, specifically in MyKarma's and TimmyT's threads. They opened my eyes to things that I didn't think about. So much so, that I just sent my attorney an email to let her know that I want to pursue custody of my kids.

I know it is about to get ugly, but I'm not going down without fighting for them.

[ninelives]

2step steps up to the plate again and knocks one out of the park.

Good on you LIB. If there is one thing worth fighting for is your children. Dont ever forget something like that.

Good luck.
Ill be pulling for you.

9

[♪CS♪]

So much so, that I just sent my attorney an email to let her know that I want to pursue custody of my kids.

Can you remind me what the previous plan was? Your W moved away, and you have your kids now, correct?

What was going to happen going forward?

[LITB]

Thanks 9. I appreciate your support.

Can you remind me what the previous plan was? Your W moved away, and you have your kids now, correct?

What was going to happen going forward?

The plan was to send my kids to NM with my W in mid-July. They have been with me since the end of March. If I live away from NM, then I would get them during summer breaks, spring break, Christmas and Thanksgiving. If I moved to NM, then I would get them 50/50.

I've looked at the job prospects for me in NM and I would be lucky to make a 1/3 of what I do here.

I think 50/50 is fair, but not at the expense of my career because of her choice.

I should have hired a L in Jan/Feb. Honestly, I feared stirring things up more and really upsetting my W. Plus I didn't want to drag my kids through a custody battle. Unfortunately I have no choice if I want to be in my kids lives.

The way 25 painted the picture, helped me see my role quite clearly and what I need to do. I have a meeting with my L next Wednesday to go over everything.

[♪CS♪]

Thanks for the recap.

Yeah, that is tough, be prepared for a rough rode ahead. But putting your kids first is important.

Hang in there.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Honestly, I feared stirring things up more and really upsetting my W

This is one of the biggest problems of the LBS.

When you take action to protect yourself and your kids what does it matter that the WAW gets angry?

ugghhh.