Hey Punkin...I agree with you in this: "That ought to blow his psyche all over the place. At this point, what's a little nudge over the edge?"
What's he going to do? Divorce you?
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Punkin, you will be fine - I won't pretend it isn't stressful, but but I had two court sessions, and got the strong impression that my xh was more nervous than me.
I made sure I looked my best on each occasion, and I took a bgf with me for support, and a good lunch/drink afterwards. Judges aren't actually stupid, and they see a lot of middle aged men [and some women] riding off into the sunset with their new love, in search of the fabled happiness that we denied them. They do not automatically believe their lies . . . .
Thanks for visiting my thread. Something has definitely gone 'click' in my brain post divorce, and for the better I think. Hard thought the divorce process is, it enables us to move on, if we let it, and I know you will. Without realising it our xh are doing us a favour in pushing us out the door. They really are nuts, you know. It isn't about us.
Thanks for all the responses and support, ladies. I'd be a wreck without all of you.
Happy no one saw any harm in the little note. Think I'll send it abut 1 hour before court. That's even better.
I'm trying to stay as upbeat as I can about the whole thing. It's not as if I haven't lived alone most of the last 9 years. My brain tells me that logically, I can only come out better than I have had it the last 12 months. I just have to approach this without the sentimentality that I feel for our marriage, which he denies ever having.
Punkin, You sound better today. I'm glad your meeting went well and that hopefully this time next week, the divorce will be over and done with and you can then begin to focus on your future.
Your court date shall prove to be interesting and we'll have to wait and see how things go w/your h. Sometimes, they fool you when they are going for the "divorce". Mine lost his memory and then wanted me to tell my "folks" hello from him. Yeah, right...like they wouldn't have enjoyed carving him up like a Thanksgiving turkey for what his behavior.
Any way, keep your cool and you will be fine!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'd like to edit the last of the second paragraph to say:
"wouldn't have enjoyed carving him up like a Thanksgiving turkey for his behavior."
Is the edit function ever going to be turned back on?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Not much to say, but want you to know that I too am here supporting you. Everyone had good advice re, looking good, take a bgf for support, etc.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Well, as I arrived home today, two of my stepsons were fishing down at the pond. I came in, changed, grabbed my pole and went down to fish with them. We have been there for about 2 hours. I was doing my best not to bring up their father, just friendly chit-chat, when SS25 brought him up. It seems that OW is not only not divorced, she's no where near. And she is likely to get ripped in hers.
They are also losing patience with their father, and said is has about quit trying to hide the drinking. He even called their brother, who is stationed in Colorado in the Air Force, up at 1 A.M. and called him everything in the book. Left it on his voicemail. Then called back the next morning to apologize.
I told them their father truly loved them, and that I honestly feel bad for him, that I wish things could be different, but it's out of my control. As one SS said, "He needs God to lay his hands on him bad."
All of this shouldn't have made me feel good, but it did in the respect that I am assured I am loved by my Stepsons. They took H's GGM's sewing machine and mothers dishes with them so he has no other excuse to come out here.
I plan to do a lot of mowing and outside work tomorrow, staying as busy as possible.
I really don't know what I'd do without you guys to come to and let it all out. I appreciate each and every one of you so much. I will get through this, and I will have so many of you on this Board to Thank.
Have a good evening, everyone.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
I am not at all surprised that your stepsons obviously love you very much.
I am also not surprised that your h is not happy. These MLCers think we are the problem so they get divorced. Only to find out that that doesnt make them happy either because they havent figured out that the problem is staring at them in the freakin mirror!
Punkin, you are loved for the wonderful person that you are. It really is your h's loss all the way around.
I agree with Brooklyn. You give more than you are offered, as far as I am concerned,
Keep busy, it soothes the mind, and tires the body, AND you have a lovely yard and tidy house, if you feel bad at any point. Not good being depressed in a pigsty.
Gradually all those close to the MLCer come to see that there is something wrong with THEM, not the partner, not the marriage. It validates us, and makes us feel less lonely. And that is good for us. It is one of the strengths of the boards - we are not alone in this crazy universe. Others are going through it, hearing the same idiotic stories, and experiencing the same types of crazy behaviours.
No one wanted this to happen in their lives, how could they, but we are a community, a band of brothers if you like, bound together by terrible events that most of the world does not understand the awfulness of. It is much more than an affair and marriage ending, it is the total loss of a person we loved and wanted to be with, and a tragedy for the family and all those close to the MLCer.
Having said that on our behalf, I would not wish on anyone what has happened to my exh, in the last 5 and a half years. It all looked great for a few months, and then it started to unravel, gradually, almost imperceptibly, at first and then more and more, until it is absolutely apparent to everyone that he has wrecked his life, and his health and happiness.
At that point I think they stay with OP [if they have stuck around] because there is nowhere else for them to go, in their minds. So few of them have the honesty or courage to face their issues and do something about the damage they have caused. After all if they were courageous they would not have run in the first place when it seemed like trouble. It isn't in their mindset, and the person they are with is not about to help them get OK, as they are usually nuts to begin with. I mean in my csse, what sane person would take on a man leaving a long marriage and not think there would be problems?
Sorry for the mild vent, but it is all so sad and unnecessary, even when we have accepted it and moved on with our lives. There is no closure, except what we give ourselves, and that is hard to do totally and alone. But, as you know, we get there . . . So when others close to us and them start to 'get it' it helps a little.
