Better to do nothing, than to do what is wrong...

[♪CS♪]

Well, it is definitely the papers being served. I ended up asking the W.

I can't believe she sent them to my work. What BS!

I have to admit guys, this is really tough right now. I know all the responses, just a piece of paper, etc.

But still, it is SO real now. This will take me some time to process.

[♪CS♪]

So this is how our convo went.

I text: should I be expecting a vistor?

She responds with a pic of D! And then " yah, I don't know when though, I filed over a week ago.

M: to my work?

W: I don't know where

M: I missed them, but they showed up here at the office earlier. Adding public humiliation to the process.

W: They didn't tell me where or when. I don't have any control over that. All she said was that they would be very discrete and professional.

M: ok. I understand.



First. WTF with the pic of D? I mean come on! That is supposed to soften the blow?

I held back saying so much. I hope I can get through the night/next couple days without saying more. It really is hard for this part to actually finally happen. I've really just been putting it out of my mind. This brings it all back to the forefront.

Well, minimum 6 months to go. What the future brings, no one knows...

[islander]

Country,
I feel for you man. I can imagine how you feel, and I know it is a big blow. I really believe as difficult as it is right now, it is better to say nothing than to say what is wrong.

You know you have atleast 6 months. Keep doing what you are doing. You don't know what the future holds. (I expect someday I may need you to remind me of this too).

I had a friend with a similar sitch to ours. His W filed for D, and they went to court twice and it got postponed. Before the third court date, they decided to R, and now they are expecting their second child. I don't know if be read the DB book, but what he did was what we are all trying to do. GAL Detatch, and stopped pursuing.

Anyway, I really do feel for you

[♪CS♪]

Thanks islander. Curious, was there an OM involved in your friends sitch?


Anyways, yes, it is a hell of a blow. Coming off a weekend where I felt really good too. Now I am just sunk. Fighting so hard not to tell her so many things.

The other part that just drives me crazy. I had 2 months between the bomb and where she left for good. 2 months! Man I wish I would have found this place then. Looking back, I did everything wrong. Just hard not to think what could have been.

And as I type this I get a text from W:

"Thanks. The last thing I want to do is humiliate you"


Oh dear...

[ninelives]

Country, you dont deserve this type of treatment but it is just paper.

I am legally separated, went through the lawyers and all that BS.
But when I actually signed , I cried a little and then when I saw her name on it and also signed, it was gut wrenching.

But there is NOTHING you can do about it Country. You dont have to like it but you have to accept it.

Your wife may not love you anymore. I dont know how they do it and actually get us out of their heart, but they can do it.

I NEVER would have divorced my wife ever. There were times I thought I didnt love her and was mad but never did I want out.

Well country, I guess she really wants out. ITs funny though, a common theme for a lot of divorced people is that grass is not greener on the other side. Unless you were an absolute Pr1ck that abused her , was alchoholic etc and although you say you had your anger issues country, I cant see you being all that bad.

Especially since you have split.

But back to reality. YOU know you will get through this man. One hour at a time if need be. Polish off those clubs and get ready to take it to the links. HOpe that gives you some focus.

A bad A$$ guitar playing, golf swinging Sage like yourself will have NO trouble down the road with the ladies.

Ive been through it Country, hurts like hell when there is the finality of it all but you knew (even though you secretly hoped) that this day was coming. Face it with dignity like you can man.

Dont let her see your anger or your hurt. This is what you wanted, then by god this is what you will get and may you try and be genuinely happy in the life you have chosen.

They usually arent.

Peace

9

[~¤DG¤~]

It's hard enough going through something like this, but to be served at work is beyond low. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[StrongerThanIKnw]

Country, I'm sorry you're going thru this today. I've been following your sitch as it's so similar to mine. I have appointment Wed to be served at our mediators office.

It is a big deal, but not the end of the world or your relationship.

Keep yourself busy, enjoy the nice weather, have fun with your daughter. We can't let our confused, hurting spouses have so much control & impact in our lives & moods.

Right now your W probably feels she HAS to do this. My H believes he is in love with his immature, insecure girlfriend. He really believes he needs to pursue the D. I wont stop him & I am DB for ME.

We will be better people & make better spouses in the future. Ideally it will be with current S, in a "new & improved" marriage.

Keep doing what you have been doing. What works. Being served the D petition is upsetting, but you know she does have some warm feelings for you. We all know the A will probably end. Until that happens, I don't believe we have much chance at reconciliation. But, we can really screw up our chances for future reconciliation now. So, DB & GAL, keep working on you. Enjoy your days.

[♪CS♪]

Thanks everyone for the support.

Right now I am just hoping they show up tonight. Much better than them showing up at work again.

[islander]

In my friends sitch, there was an OM involved. I don't know if that is the reason she left him, and I don't know if he knows either.

You can't beat yourself up about what could have been. We all do it, but it's not healthy. And I do it too. I did not use my time wisely while my W was still in the house with me. But the truth is, no matter what i did, she may have still left and I am in the same spot.

Be strong...you know you will get through this, no matter the outcome

[♪CS♪]

Thanks man. Yeah, I know. Wouldas, couldas, shouldas....

I just went full steam into guitar and music tonight. Got my mind off of everything. Actually enjoyed it.

No papers tonight. Still don't want it to happen at work, but out of my hands now.

I mentioned in my other thread that I took some good pictures of D on the Easter egg hunt we did. Well, I sent some prints to the in-laws. Just got a text from MIL thanking me. I just said no problem and that I know it has been a while since we have taken good pictures of D.

It's hard to not want to talk to them too. But I know what side they stand on. Truth is, they never liked me much. We are very different people.

Funny, when W was still on her rant about everything wrong with me in the M, she said I kept her from seeing her parents as much as she wanted. She hasn't been up there once since she got her apartment.

Since I have had a chance to step back, I know this doesn't really change anything. I'm doing what I am doing because it is the right thing to do. I feel better from doing it.

Of course, once I have the papers in hand, I know it will hurt again.