Don't do it...it will drive you insane even more. I played detective and now I let this 23 OW consume me. What you don't know want hurt you. Trust me...don't do it. I find myself driving by her house, I looked at her pictures on facebook and now I see her in my dreams.
Blew off school. Bad I know. Every time I even drive on the campus I get this really awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes I have this fantasy about confronting OW (we've never met). My more rational mind always wins.
It is not that my H treats me poorly when he is around me...He has actually been very nice. It is what he does when he's not around that is so troublesome. Or at least what I perceive he is doing.
Just feel like I'm plodding along with nothing really to look forward to. I feel like I'm in constant defense mode.
Sad and weepy and bummed that my mind keeps going back to all of the little details and the lies. Having a hard time today.
Back to work.....
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
Song for the Day: "What a Fool Believes," by the Doobie Brothers
He's playing you.
Starsky
Probably....yes....not sure what I should or shouldn't be doing to make this all work. I have seen some definite change in H's behavior...but then again...he still has unexplained absences like before. Just yesterday when he left for work, he told me he loves me....3 times in the last month. Not usual for him to say, epecially in the last two years.
In my experience, confronting him with no hard evidence does no good. He just lies.
I'm trying to work on some of the things that the DB coach suggested. I know I'm boring all of you with this...sorry....
Song for the day: "Maybe" Ingrid Michaelson
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
you are not - you're seeing results and doing great things. Confrontation also didn't really work in my experience - but everytime he choses you over her and says I love is a shovel full of dirt in the grave of the side stuff he has going on. . You just have to get her good and buried first. (I do not condone or suggest literal murder!)
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
you are not - you're seeing results and doing great things. Confrontation also didn't really work in my experience -
AJM,
I thought I'd followed your sitch from the start, even tho I rarely post to you (I'm on "full moderation," so by the time my posts show up, they're usually several pages upthread and don't get seen, so I usually don't bother), but I'm not recalling this. In fact, I just went back and read your first few pages of posts, and you said you were "being nice to him," he'd come and go as he pleased, even going up into your bedroom and stuff.
So it is a beautiful Saturday a.m. Wish I could be outdoors hiking but have our tax appt. this afternoon. ugh! Every year I vow not to get behind on paperwork and every year I am scrambling at the last minute to get everything together. The last two months haven't helped!
H just left for the gym and to get the stuff that he was supposed to get for our garden posts last weekend when he "disappeared". So we'll see if he comes back with the cement this time! Of course my mind thinks other things will be going on........then I started to get all bummed again........and wouldn't you know it...he came back home with my favorite Starbucks drink. Now I feel like a JERK for thinking the things I was thinking before!
But wait...H just called and now he is at the "gym"......the one near where the OW lives, he can play basketball there. He said he gets bored with the machines at our gym, blah blah blah. Then he said he is going to do some "running around"...so I predict I will not see him until noonish. We'll see. He did set up an outing for us this afternoon with friends for a beach walk and happy hour. I think it somehow makes him feel better when he plans a little something for us on the afternoons when he is gone in the mornings. Maybe it eases his guilt. Whatever.
Last night we watched the TV show "Men of a Certain Age". It is really a great show. I rented the whole first season on Netflix. Thankfully H had fallen asleep during the part about one of the character's cheating soon to be XW and then it came out that he had actually had an EA prior to her PA. That would have been very awkward to watch together! Whew!
Song for the Day "How We Operate" Gomez
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
Well I was right. 12:20pm and no sign of H. Oh...but he did return a call regarding taxes and seemed annoyed that I wasn't doing something HIS way. Well it sure would have been nice to "go to the gym" for 4 hrs. Seriously!
I just cancelled my tax appt. I am in no way ready (my quickbooks program has decided to act up today).
Taking a walk. This bites.
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
Why DON'T you start going to the gym for four hours?
I'm serious - ever wonder what would happen if yoiu started mirroring his behavior? If he goes out - you go out too and be gone longer. Come home after him. Let him start to wonder and worry a little bit about where you are.
Go to the grocery store and come home late - without groceries. lol!
Hi Starsky - just a response on your note - when I discovered affair, in Sept, through when I started really started posting in Jan we had some confrontations. He'd lie to me or avoid answering. He was still seeing OW off and on. EA was discovered, he called landlady to break lease, he moved out, told me he wanted D, ignored kids...we had all kinds of fun. he either reacts irrationally, goes to a shutdown mode, or got mean to push me away.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
you are not - you're seeing results and doing great things. Confrontation also didn't really work in my experience - but everytime he choses you over her and says I love is a shovel full of dirt in the grave of the side stuff he has going on.