WAW and LBS

[bboom]

She then went on to say how she wanted to have a long talk a month ago, but I wasn't available and I never rescheduled it, and things just aren't working out between us, and something has to change and she just can't go on like this.

Did you agree with her?
Did you say: Yeah your right, this isn't working for me either. You should start lookig for another place to live.

I agreed that things weren't good and that I was also not happy with the current situation. I didn't have the courage to suggest she move out, although I was thinking it.

W got her last unemployment check 2 weeks ago. She doesn't have a job lined up yet and is getting nervous about how she is going to pay for school, she is 2 years away from a degree in a new career field. She wants to get a PT job with flexible hours so she can continue to attend class. I make just enough to cover the family bills without much extra. I'm sure her ideal scenario is for me to move out and continue to pay all her bills and support her and the kids.

Remeber the LBS creed, let her problems BE her problems.

I'm trying, but if her car gets reposessed then it's a problem for me and the kids.

The only problem is that would leave me with no money to support myself

Seems pretty substantial to me. Is she concerned about this for you?
Some of her divorced friends have deadbeat ex-H and I have heard them telling my W how they wished they had done better at the D table. I think my W is looking out for #1 and has the kids in second place, and I might be a distant 3rd, maybe.

She has a few divorced girlfriends that she talks to frequently and I'm sure she is getting lots of legal advice from them.

Mind reading, but she may be getting advice.

I feel part of my W's resentment and anger towards me is due to the fact that she is trapped in the same house with me due to financial reasons. I't seems that no matter how hard I DB I just can't overcome that hurdle.

Maybe she can stay with one of those D girlfriends of hers.
Her one friend is only 10-minutes away and my W is over there at least 1 night a week anyway.

It can be debated whether or not it is a good thing for the WAS to leave the home.
It helped me in my Sitch.
I know it's hard living with someone who doesn't want to be there.
I beleive my W felt the same way, She was a SAHMom. Once she secured a nice paying job, she saw it as her way out of the M.

Continue to GAL and be happy.
She will notice.

Thanks for the words. I Get by with a little help from you fine folks.

[sandi2]

Whenever a woman tells you, "We need to talk", expect the worse!

Determine to stay calm no matter what you hear come out of her mouth.

Did I understand you to say that she talks to OM and knows that you know she does?

[bboom]

Yes. She talks to many people at length. She doesn't work and she has much idle time to fill. When I asked her about the excessive time spent talking to this Guy a month or 2 ago her response was the classic "he's just a friend". When I commented that speaking to him for an hour or two at a time was a lot. She said that they just talk and talk about stupid stuff. We last discussed him about 3 months ago. The only details I got was that he was going through a marriage breakup. She did relate that the om's w was aware of him speaking a lot to my w and didn't appreciate it.

[bboom]

Forgot to mention. I have been doing the gal and detachment for 2 months and I'm trying not to concern myself with who my w talks to.

[sandi2]

May I ask some questions? Thank you.

Do you believe it is appropriate for a M woman to have private conversations with the opposite sex? Do you have friendships with women that exclude your W? Do you chat with women over the Internet? This will help me to understand your stitch better.

Do your children know that she's conducting all these conversations with another man?

I understand when you say that she is going to do whatever she wants and that you can't stop her. But let me say this....a family needs a leader. Your children needs a daddy who shows them what strength and honor looks like. They need to see how a M deals with R problems and comes out good b/c the couple dealt with it the right way and b/c love was the bottom line. So remember that you are a role model at all times, okay?

I believe a man should be respected, especially in his own home. Children have to be taught to respect. But I think with adults, we have to win their respect. With a spouse, it may take a dose of tough love, or it may take standing tall on one's values by simply living it. But as a woman, and one who was a WAW, I will tell you that I strongly believe that a woman has to respect the man she loves.

So, as a father and husband you have a lot of responsibility. This family and marriage are worth more than all the gold in the world. Treasure it and fight for it.

((hugs))

[bboom]

I do not think it's appropriate for a m woman to have such relationships and I have said as much. I would never have any conversation or email exchange that I would need to hide from my w. I have never cheated or lied to her. My w on the other hand had an each in 2007, a one night pa with her boss in 2008, and has lied to me and hidden many of her fiscal problems from me. I believe there is a lack of respect that stems from me letting her handle the family money for our entire marriage. But this is something I have recently changed.

[bboom]

I don't think the kids are aware of om. My w is on the phone a lot talking to her GFs. She talks to om when the kids and I are out. The kids are at school all day, so w has plenty of free time to talk. I am the leader in the family and my kids look up to me. I'm successful in my career, serve on 2 local boards, and I'm a scout leader. I'm not a doormat. I just happen to be m to someone who doesn't share my moral values.

[bboom]

W and I are sitting on the couch watching dancing with the stars. I can just feel she is waiting for our son to go up to bed so we can talk. Could use some pointers or encouragement.

[bboom]

W and I just had a nice long chat. She is probably going to move in with her mother and leave me and the kids at home. She Has talked with a mediator or two as suggested by her friends and she doesn't want much support from me. She wants the kids to stay here so the schooling isn't disrupted. The topic of the om came up(I couldn't leave it alone) and w tells me they are just friends, but she has feelings for him that may grow over time. They just talk on the phone, but they have bumped into each other a few times while out "but nothing has happened". I didn't press because I didn't want to know. She went to great lengths to explain how her feelings for me have changed over the last few years and she hasn't been in love with me for a while, and just can't go on like this any more. I validated her feelings, told her that she needed to find her own way to happiness, and that I wouldn't stand in her way. I also told her that I would help her move and support her as much as I could financially. But she understands that we don't have much money since she is unemployed and most of the money will need to keep the house and feed the kids.

[♪CS♪]

bboom, as much as this [censored], you are so lucky to have found this resource so early. I was in your spot not too long ago and I wish what I knew now. I did EVERYTHING wrong. You are off to a solid start. Keep reading, keep posting, keep DB'ing. None of us know what the future will bring, but you are in a better spot than many. Just remember that.