That little engine that will ...

[MeMyselfandI]

I'll update again, but curiosity is kinda getting to me tonight, (likely because of some very frustrating flights today and then arriving very late at my destination without my suitcase). Feeling a bit tired, grumpy 'cause I don't have my stuff.

I'm hoping someone may have some insights on H's comments in my earlier post about not wanting/care to even see the OW that was coming in from out of town for the weekend? I don't know why it's on my mind tonight, but it is so if anyone has ideas???

[Lorie1964]

I am not sure how good my insight would be, but my thought is that the R with OW is not going well at all, and he may be testing the water with you. But, he may also be seeing if you will pursue him and/or talk bad about OW. Be very careful here, you are walking a tight rope. Stay neutral and detached at this point. I hope this helps, and I hope your luggage gets to you soon!

Blessings!

[MeMyselfandI]

Thank you for replying Lorie ... the thing is, the OW is gone and this was just supposed to be a casual date that he told me about but I think you may be right about the testing thing. He likely wanted to see how I would react and when I didn't react to the date, he was likely trying to see how I would react to him saying he wanted to cancel the date. Either way, I think I handled it well 'cause I didn't really react to either aside from saying "don't get the kids involved -- my new mantra" LOL.

It's funny, there has been much communication with H and I the last few days, mostly initiated by him. Sometimes, I'll just leave things ... sometimes I'll respond. Yesterday, just before taking off, he and I were texting back and forth about kids, H's hockey and H's bad luck with pipe repairs the last while. He was saying what a bad month it had been for him and that he just wanted to start fresh, blah blah. I responded that was a good attitude, start fresh, spring is coming. He didn't respond.

When I turned my phone back on when I landed (4 hour flight), there were about 4 pictures on my phone from him of our D shaving our S's head. I wrote, are you serious, she is shaving his head and he is letting her LOL?, to which he responded, yep. Anyway, we joked for a few texts about that and then I discovered I was missing my bag. I went in to go through the lost luggage ordeal. I then got my rental car and just before leaving the airport, sent H a text to see if he knew of a 24 hr pharmacy around the area I was staying in, (he's from here), where I could go pick up some toiletries. He didn't, but looked it up for me and was texting me very specific instructions while I drove to my hotel. I thanked him, went shopping at midnight and finally got into my room about 1 am. I love travel!!! Anyway, had meetings all day today. Nothing much to report other than that 'cause I'm completely exhausted!

Oh, I am going to see H's grandparents tomorrow. Will post more on that later but time for some shut eye here.

[MeMyselfandI]

Not much new to report. Texting continues but the general flavour has "cooled" down from the flirty exchanges we had been having. Back more to business. I have not been intiating the contact. I did go to visit H's grandparents for dinner night before I came home. I hadn't talked to him all day and when I got back to hotel, I got a message from him, asking how the visit went. I wrote back good and we exchanged a couple of inside jokes about the dinner. Then he says, "how was gramma" and I wrote back saying she was just getting over a cold but other than that seemed good. He responds "I more mean prying and meddling in divorce etc. I never told them any reasons or explained Y". I just said no, nothing, only thing she really said was that they were shocked and disappointed. I truly believe that these are some of the major demons he needs to face is his family but I can't fix it for him and I wonder if he'll ever be able to be honest with his family.

I am back home now, H & S were both sick day before I came home. I saw H at kids hockey last night, didn't really talk much. Likely won't see him much over the next week and a half, (until we go on trip to kid's hockey tournament) as the kids are on March Break for the next two weeks so there are no activities. It feels good to be back home and I've got lots I need to accomplish before heading out again so it'll be busy.

Hope everyone is well.

[courageous wife]

Hi MMI

Glad you are home! Hope your H and S are feeling better!

[MeMyselfandI]

Not much new to report. I am back into my routine, walking the track, working, getting a life and so on. Communication with H has cooled down significantly and is all business right now. I know through D that he is still sick. We had a couple of exchanges over the weekend, again, logistics/household stuff. Short responses, no more talking about how he is doing, etc. I think he may be retreating back into some kinda man tunnel.

I did find out he had a fairly lengthy discussion with my boarder while I was away and I really believe he is just blowing in the wind right now, a lost soul. Where that will lead him is only up to him though and nothing I can do to help that along so I'll just keep on with keeping on.

There are a couple of things I have found interesting over the past couple of days. The first one is that H knew, (through D) that I had plans to go out on Monday night with a 'friend' who was coming in from out of town. Just as I was getting ready to go Monday night, D was talking to H and had mentioned she wasn't feeling very well. H immediately asked her if I was still going out. She responded that I was (and I did and had a good time) but that I wasn't going to stay out late.

This morning, I get an email from H with the subject some things.

First thing he asked was about travel in May as he needed to book some and knew I was going to be away at some point. I responded with my travel dates.

Second was regarding a spot someone has given to our S for a hockey camp as they are unable to make it and he asks how to discuss it with the kids as our D won't be able to go. I say as long as we plan something fun for her to do that day, I don't think she'll mind.

Third was regarding summer vacation as he wants to start making plans. I tell him I don't have anything planned and may not go away this summer so I will work around whatever he schedules.

Lastly, he mentions that he has agreed to share a hotel room with one of the coaches at the kid's upcoming out of town hockey tournament to save some money. The interesting thing is, there was no reason to tell me this. I had expected this hotel room thing to surface a couple of weeks ago when we were talking a lot more but since it hadn't, I already booked my own room and had resolved that I would be paying the full price, no big deal. I wasn't really sure that sharing a room would have been the best idea anyway. I think he only mentioned this because he was fishing for a reaction ... I didn't bite. I simply said not to worry that I had already booked a room.

My instincts tell me that there is a lot H is processing right now and likely lots that he wants to say but he is reserving himself. He has always been someone who analyzes things to death and I know he has been spending lots of time alone, likely doing just that. I will continue to give him the time and space he needs and continue to live my life. I'm actually really enjoying my life path ... like many on here say, if he catches up, I may let him walk beside me. Until then, I take a peek back every now and again just to make sure he's still breathing but it's onwards and upwards for this girl.

[courageous wife]

Hi MMI

[quote]My instincts tell me that there is a lot H is processing right now and likely lots that he wants to say but he is reserving himself. He has always been someone who analyzes things to death and I know he has been spending lots of time alone, likely doing just that. I will continue to give him the time and space he needs and continue to live my life./quote]

You don't even need any advice! You are doing just fine!

[MeMyselfandI]

Thanks Courageous, this stuff gets so much easier with detachment it's amazing! I know everyone drills it into our heads at the onset of this crazy ride; it just seems like so much blood, sweat and tears to get there but the peace of mind once you do are truly a blessing.

Will pop over and check on you too! Hope all is well.

[courageous wife]

I think a lot of us could learn from you MMI!!!

[MeMyselfandI]

Just updating/journalling. Communication has remained pretty steady, again, mostly business/kid stuff. I have continued with my walking and have been really busy with work, volunteer and household stuff.

H is still sick and it has been over two weeks now. Could possibly be why the communication/flirty stuff has cooled down too, who knows. Friday night I got a text from him asking if I was around or out. I was out and asked why. He explained he had hockey and kids wanted to stay home so he wanted them to have someone to call in case of emergency. He said he could get this lady across the street but that they would likely be more comfortable with me. I agreed that I would scoot over if they needed me which didn't happen. I sent him a message about an hour after he was to be home just saying that I assumed he was there and everything was ok. No response from him but D starting texting me saying that she could hear Daddy snoring and coughing on the couch. I told her to get him some medicine and a glass of water and to try to go to sleep.

Saturday around noon, I get a response from H saying that everything was good and that he didn't think they moved from the time he left for hockey. I told him I knew, D had sent me a text and he went on about how sick he has been.

This morning, I woke up to H calling. I answer it to hear D singing a wake up song, very loudly and obnoxiously. I giggled and H took the phone away from her and said, she has been singing that for the last half hour straight, she made up a wake up song, just thought I should share it with you. I said yeah, thanks for that ... and H said to her, go sing that to your brother. I kindly reminded him that might not be the best idea, S likes his sleep and it might not make for the best start of the day. He laughed and said you're right, D, don't go wake S up. I then talked to D for a couple of minutes before saying good bye so I could get some coffee into me. It was a cute phone call and a reminder that he does think about me.

Well, all for now, gotta go continue with my life.