Still on the border of Neverland

[seeking answers]

I will never understand how they can hurt their own flesh and blood without a second thought.

Me neither, SA. I posted on my thread about H's behavior toward younger D before and during a family wedding last weekend. I just want to shake him until his teeth rattle! Luckily, D admitted that, though she was hurt, she was handling it.

You are doing so well standing up for your yourself in your current situation! Stay strong. Let everything go through the Ls if you must. I hope I do half as well as you if/when we go there.

Oh, Twink, thank you for your support.

I have no doubt that if/when faced with this sitch that your backbone is and will be intact. I pray that it doesn't come to that for you.

I feel for your D and you. I know how hard it is to hold your tongue when your H causes your child pain. I've done it many times. You know what I've always found? That the kids will eventually let him know how much something he did or said hurt them.

Take care.

[Mila]

Twink, your H is still running, it may not be that he doesn't want to spend time with your D or even you, he probably cares his own way...but he may not be comfortable being with family right now.

They just don't seem to understand that their actions or inactions impact people and cause pain...it's like the MLCer has lack of empathetic attunement...they are just so self absorbed...I would even say narcissistic that they don't see what they do to others....it's just about them...me me me....

[Twink]

IB, SA, Mila -- thanks for stopping by. I know I disappear for several days or weeks at a time, for my own good, but when I return you are always here, and I so appreciate your continuing support despite my absence.

Mila -- yes, I know my H is still running. His behavior at the wedding last weekend was very different from at the wedding last May. Something has changed. What, I don't know, and shouldn't speculate. All I know is that I came home feeling calm and unaffected by his distant behavior to all of us. I felt sorry for MIL and D, but only puzzlement about his interactions with me. He is very gone. I feel sorry for him.

[Twink]

Venting...and someone, please, talk me down.

I have a business relationship with two of H's female partners. Yesterday, I went on his business website to confirm their work email addys, and happened upon H's professional profile. Among the list of things he claims to enjoy in his free tiime is horseback riding, accompanied by a picture of him with a horse...WTF?

During the entire 40 years we were together, he claimed to HATE horses, and showed absolutely no interest when Ds and I were taking dressage lessons. And now riding is among his favorite things??? Of course it is. OW is an equestrian.

H also hated cats, but never returned Ds cat, who she asked me to keep, after he catsat him while I was out of town over a year ago. He also swore he would never live in a particular place in our area where I wanted to live, and then proceeded to rent a house there.

Who is this person??? Was the 40 years I was with him a complete lie? Is he really a lying, cheating, horse and cat loving dog? Or is he the respectable, honest, upstanding and loving H and father I knew?

I SO want to call him on this sh*t. I'm biting my lip and sitting on my hands. Someone, anyone -- please talk me down so I can enjoy this beautiful day!

[Queen_of_Swords]

Twink
He's not himself. Invasion of the body snatchers time.
He's a teenage boy, trying on different personas and the stuff that goes with it.
The man you knew is subsumed by this defiant and quixotic teenager.

Breathe.

[job]

Twink,
During the crisis, they become the "mirror image" of the person you know. They become opposite in all areas. So, if your h hated horses, he's going to love them now, etc.

Please do not allow his antics to get under your skin. Until his complete "self" has been peeled away and he realizes that happiness comes from within, he will be trying on all types of "masks" until he becomes his true "self". He's trying to grow up.

[seeking answers]

Twink,

Another case of the MLCer turning in to somebody we don't even know...

Hang in there Twink, first time he falls off from a horse that'll be it for that oddity.

[courageous wife]

(((Twink)))

Remember, this H is the anti-H!

My H was the same as yours...always thought people that had horses were weird...HE'd never have one! Same with small yappy dogs! Well, his OW has horse pics all over her house AND a small yappy dog! Go figure!

[tadpole1025]

Twink - I'm going through the same with my wife.

She used to hate the music I listen to. Now she loves it.

She's also into "muscle cars" now. Before, she could care less about cars.

Her handwriting has even changed.

MLC is crazy.

You're dealing with the anti H and I'm dealing with the anti W.

Tad

[Twink]

Thank you Scylla, snodderly, SA, CW and Tad.

I've been at this long enough to know that what you all said is true. I think it just hurt to see that he posted a picture related to OW for all to see, especially when he's mostly kept his A away from me. And that he is doing things with OW that he always refused to do with me just makes me mad.

I guess it's normal to still have feelings related to what our Ss are doing at times, even when we think we're pretty detached. This did hit me in the gut a little more than I would like. I've been reminding myself all day to focus on the things I can control. What he chooses to say about himself on his professional website is definitely not among them.