I have to tell you all that I read the book "I Do Again" and it was very eye opening to me. It became another tool to look at myself and evaluate changes I am making and still need to make. I just wanted to tell you all about it, as I had heard of the book and felt called to read it. My journey with God grows everyday!
No other news on H or job hunting. Just still plugging away.
Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
So, haven't communicated with H for about 4 days. Tonight D had several performances at the bball game and I knew H would be there, so I really spiced up my look. It made me feel great. I wore heels (which is a 180, I rarely wear them because I am 5'9"), my hair was cooperative and looked fantastic! I wore a low cut sweater (school color) and felt like I was ready to conquer the world. I caught H looking at me several times as I flitted around the gym visiting with friends. When I sat down, I sat down to a photographer buddy of H to chit chat, and not a few mins later H was there and sat next to me. H and I chatted on and off through out the game, as I left here and there to visit with friends and help with the Dance Team stuff. Everyone kept telling me how great I looked and it boosted my ego. You know, I thought I was going to look good for H to see me, but really, it ended up being for me. I felt great, it helped me to feel confident through out the whole evening. I barely gave H much attention at all. I have really been working on losing weight and have lost 52 lbs. I actually started the losing weight before H left. I still have about 40 more to get to my goal weight, but I feel so good it is really keeping me motivated! Plus, all the compliments and ego boost is keeping me focused. It is part of my own healing process, and I know it is a permanent lifestyle change. Okay, it is so late and I need to go get some sleep.
Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Well, I haven't posted much lately, mostly because there isn't much to post. I am still looking for a job, and have been busy with D16 and talking with friends. This is H's weekend with D16, and it has become commonplace that he now stays here on these weekends. My in-laws have just laid down the law that having D16 at their house on his weekends is not fair to them, as they want D16 to be there grandparent time. So, here we are. He comes and stays in the guest bedroom. I do my own thing and they do theirs, though we do eat meals together and sometimes watch TV together. At first this created anxiety, but I am getting use to it. H and I interact as if we are just friends and he is here visiting. Thankfully, tonight they went to a sectional bball game and tomorrow I will be gone all day to a scrapbooking event. I have some things planned for myself on Sunday, and I am not sure what they are planning. I guess it is a two-edge sword, one, to show unconditional love to H and for him to see my changes, two H and D16 don't really get to see what it is like on your own.
Okay, I guess I just needed to journal some.
Blessings!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
If that is the way it has to be, then I agree that the best thing for you to do would be to keep busy and out of the house as long as possible. I myself do not think I would allow this to go on that long. IMHO, it allows him the luxury of cake eating, even if you are not included in anything but the TV watching. It's like, every other weekend he gets to come home and play Leave It to Beaver's Dad, and then he gets the next 12 days to play house with OW. Just my opinion, though
Lorie - I know that parts of this arrangement must be painful for you. I'm glad your faith is helping carry you through - I know that mine has helped. Last night at our sectional game - one of my favorite people in the world who is 84 years old came up to me. She and her H were my FIL and MILs best friends. They came to our wedding and she has always been more welcoming to me than even my inlaws. Anyway - she didn't know about our situation. She said she noticed changes in my H about 5+ years ago when he was coaching her grandson. She held my hand for a long time and said she was so proud of the way I was keeping my kids and myself as a strong family. Brought tears to my eyes (but no crying for 7 days in a row now:)) Her daughter came up to me later on and said "Mom thinks the world of you!" - Little blessings that bring such love to my heart. Just what the doctor ordered!
Have a great day! (PS - little jealous of you and your scrapbooking - I own EVERY tool known to mankind and haven't created a page yet!!! This is one of my demons:))
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I know this arrangement is hard at times for me. I really don't consider it as cake-eating at this time, as I do try to stay out of the way and he has total responsibility of D16. He tries to stay out of the way too. I do believe that God has created this arrangement as a way to show peacefulness of our home, and not the chaotic life he lives outside it. He doesn't live with OW and she actually live 40mins away, so they are still in the "secret" of the A. His two lives have yet to collide, which I believe will keep the A going longer. But, I have no control over this and H has to do the work he needs to do on himself before the A or anything in his life is calmed down. Until this, at least every other weekend, he is here in a calm and peace filled home.
IB, I was really anxious when it was time to get back to scrapbooking, as I am doing my books in chronological order and I am just finishing up my 2003 book. Looking at our lives and scrapbooking them was a bit overwhelming and daunting after H moved out. But, I refuse to let this time in my life prevent me from doing the things I love to do. Scrapbooking is one of them, and I want my D16 to be able to look at these books with fond memories when she is older. I had a fantastic time today and I am so glad I have so many fun friends with whom I love to scrap!
I have got to get some sleep! Nite all! Blessings!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Just wanted to report the weekend went really well. H actually acts uncomfortable around me and doesn't want to be around me too much. This is new, as I am usually the one uncomfortable, and now I am not. I just "act as if" and focus on what I want to do. H actually made plans for the whole weekend with D16 so they kept busy and out of the way when I was here. When we were all here together, I just went about as if he wasn't here. I didn't even offer to cook dinner for us. I let him and D16 work out their own plans and meals. So he left with no dinner and D16 had to fend for herself. All in all, I had no expectations, and no real anxious moments. Next interaction will be on Sat. night as we have tickets to go see D16 in her school musical. We bought these previous to A discovery. I did tell him if he did not want to go on that night or with someone else it would be fine with me, as I could find someone else to attend with me. He said no, he would attend with me. So, I will have more to update then. I have no idea and really don't care what is going on with him right now. I just keep praying for him and for my daughter who still struggles with being around him. Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Lorie - you sound really good and should be proud of the high road you are taking. I do not think you are setting up a "cake-eating" situation. I think you have established boundaries that fit your situation. Stay strong! IB
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Thank you IB! I am staying strong. I heard good news about another couple this week that split up. The wife wanted a divorce and now they are back together. I have been praying for them. I am so glad to hear good news like that! It still gives me hope.
I hope everyone has a great week!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
