I still try and figure out what I did that built up so much "resentment" in me.
For the first couple of months I wondered this too, then I realized, it was their MLC mind helping them to justify their actions. Really, it's not you, it's her!! Really!
Blessings!
Careful with this ...
It can be very easy to throw around the term MLC and forget that any marriage had it's faults, and as such had two people responsible for them. MOST of what an MLCer says is justification and rationalization ... but if any of it stings ... please, look at that. Examine your role in the dynamic that was your marriage. This is a time to work on yourself, and those nuggets of truth can give us really good places to start.
Take care, Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I know. I thought I had come to terms with the realities of what the MLC does in terms of hating and blaming the spouse for everything that they perceive has gone wrong in their lives. It's been a year and I thought I'd let go. Then when I do see her with that brimming smile and life-is-great attitude, doubts seep in. Was she really that unhappy with me despite the good times we shared and life we built? You try letting yourself know that it's the sickness and not you, but doubt still just seeps in.
CH, it's not that. It might be hard for you to understand. When a woman takes her husband's name she becomes subsumed into another identity that's blended with yours. Crikey man, even your credit history is blended.
Imagine YOU were the one that had to change all their identification to one your husband "owns".
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I believed that about my H too...until I spoke with my DB counselor. Our perception of hate can often be skewed. Hate involves passionate reactions, engagement, involvement. Does that exist in your interactions with you or is she cooly distant? In my case my H has no passion about me. He really tolerates me. That's not hate, that's indifference.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
We don't have a lot of interaction. She stepped out of this very mechanical and planned out ... if I just went by the game plan she laid out, we could be best of friends (or friends), co-parenting our children, two separate people. She did not account for the hurt and destruction associated with breaking up a marriage, home and family. Now the only passion she directs toward me occurs when she does not feel that I am meeting up to my 'financial obligations' ... or that I've 'ruined her financially'.
So, we interact through text and an occasional email. Lately her texts have been of threats of courts and lawsuits, so they don't get a very high priority in my getting-around-to-reading list.
Your situation sounds about as good as mine. I'm sorry. This bites and I hate it.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I have not yet tried the DB coaching yet. I have spoken to them on the phone about the counseling ... when I called in I got Michelle directly ... but was paying for and seeking other counseling at the time. Is it worth trying at this point now that everything is final? It would be nice if I could bring myself to speak to her again some day. Right now I know there is too much anger and disrespect for me on her part due to the financial situation ... and too much pain on my part do to the break up.
I have used the DB coach a couple of times. Even though my H had filed, she had very good suggestions on how to interract and communicate with H and I believe it has helped. We don't interract much but when we do it has been calm and friendly.
GoodAttitudeGirl is a good one to look up and ask. She has been D'd from her H and still uses the DB coach.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Thank you, CW. I am not seeing a counselor right now. Perhaps a DB coach would be money well spent if it helps move the healing process forward. It would be nice to talk to her again ... but again, the pain is just too intense. Still.
I got your message on my thread. I'm at work now so no time to post, but I will get back to you later. I can post my answer here or if you are in the alt, I can reply to you there if you give me some clues about how to find you.
