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[islander]

I am glad that things are going so well for you right now. As for thinking about OM, I imagine a new relationship beginning with my W, just as it was when we began dating, and put it out of my mind. Kinda like knowing she had previous relationships in the past and not worrying about it. But then I realize I am the one without the relationship and it falls apart. But that is the direction I am heading in if I am lucky enough to get the opportunity.

[Denver_2010]

I am glad that things are going so well for you right now. As for thinking about OM, I imagine a new relationship beginning with my W, just as it was when we began dating, and put it out of my mind. Kinda like knowing she had previous relationships in the past and not worrying about it. But then I realize I am the one without the relationship and it falls apart. But that is the direction I am heading in if I am lucky enough to get the opportunity.

I agree... that is part of the processing that I am doing on this issue. The fact of the matter is this... for my W, this IS a new R between she and I... the old one was truly dead...

For me, the old one never died bc I wasn't there emotionally...


anyway... it helps to look at it this way... and in many respects it really is the truth.

BITS
Denver

[Firstlove]

Denver

Just a comment here from one who has some perspective on what you are going thru and a suggestion.

Forgiveness is the only path to healing - without it - forget the healing

Just sayin

[Denver_2010]

Thanks Firstlove. I have done A LOT of thinking about 'forgiveness' too. I think that it is important for me to be able to forgive my W and myself for everything that has happened to our M.

Thanks!

BITS
Denver

[ninelives]

Thanks Denver :

I am not in your shoes and dont know if I ever will be but I do imagine sometimes that if I ever get another shot at having my family back, then I will have to completely forgive her for her affair. I like what you said as well as imagining when you first got together that she had other relationships and that too is an excellent way to handle this.

Many of my friends ( Not BITS) cant believe I would even consider taking her back after what she has done. They also believe that once a cheater always a cheater but I dont believe that.

I am pleased that you are getting a chance Denver to make everything right. I beleive your wife would truly be blessed if she gave you another shot and never regret it.

Its difficult to understand why the WAW cant see that their only true path to salvation is with the family back. The fantasy will fade and the unhappiness will surface again with the OM.

All the best Denver.

9
BITS

[Firstlove]

Denver

I know I have posted this before, not sure if you have read it before or not -but for me in this horrific process the message in this poem has meant a lot to me, and in fact has kept what little sanity I have left, somewhat in tack - some days


Letting Go
Author unknown
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I don’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

Let go - fear less - love more

[Firstlove]

Denver

With respect to the power of forgiveness, I just left this on another post so I will just repeat it here.

I heard this quote about the true value of forgiveness. It was a quote from a man who witnessed his family being murdered right in front of him in the Nazi concentration camps in WWII. "The value of forgiveness is forgiving the unforgivable"

Forgiving the unforgivable is easily going to be one of the most difficult things you will ever do in your entire life - but it will also be one of the most powerful and freeing things you will ever do. In my life, forgiveness was an impossibility for me without the love of Christ living in me-without that, forgiveness was an impossibility. This is just my path, not saying it is anyone else's but it is my path and it is one that is wracked with pain and grief beyond comprehension - but with faith and hope, I also pray for healing and a future with abundance and love.

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver,
Just wanted to stop by and say "hello." Finally settling in for the night and have some time to chat. Any contact from your W today? How are the funeral arrangements going? When do you head to Buffalo?

Just trying to find something positive to hang my hat on tonight. I hope you are doing well, my friend!

Hey, I do have a question. How do you post those quote boxes in your threads? I can't figure out how to do that. Please send me some brief instructions.

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver,
Just wanted to stop by and say "hello." Finally settling in for the night and have some time to chat. Any contact from your W today? How are the funeral arrangements going? When do you head to Buffalo?

Just trying to find something positive to hang my hat on tonight. I hope you are doing well, my friend!

Hey, I do have a question. How do you post those quote boxes in your threads? I can't figure out how to do that. Please send me some brief instructions.

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD

[Bolt]

Denver, I think you're doing awesome man. Great stuff!
I don't think you're acting like Mr. Fix-it at all. It's great that you're helping out. She'll appreciate it even more once all of the funeral stuff is over.

I can't remember who was asking earlier (2step?) about when to start back into "helping". I think it is a gut feeling after you've been DBing a little while.

Part of my problem was that I didn't do things. So I had to get into that pretty quick without making it seem like pursuing..