My H was a tad suspicious too when I started dressing different and he saw the leopard print bra on my bed. It was even more funny considering I've never owned leopard print anything in my life! Let him be suspicious. Good for him!
When i got home H was there waiting. He was taking measurements for the livingroom.
I walked in all sunshiny and said hello and asked how long he had been waiting. We small talked and then got to business. He was clearly there for one reason only and that was to discuss the house situation. I didn't let that phase me and ignored the fact that i was seeing him on V-day.
He informed me that he's almost out of money as his business has been struggling. He says he can't afford to keep paying me for the house (same story 2 months ago) and that he needs to fix up the house and either rent it or sell it asap.. if we rent he wants to advertise within 3 weeks.. Even though this is absurd I tried to remain calm.
We haven't been able to fix the house in 4 years and he wants to accomplish this in 3 weeks because he's desperate.
It broke my heart to see him yesterday. Not because I was sad that we are no longer together but because I'm genuinely concerned for him and care for his well being and he looks like a broken man. I just can't help but think how horrible our marriage must have appeared to him as he was so desperate to escape that he wound up in this situation as a result.
He can't afford to live at buddies homes forever but he says he refuses to move back home because we wouldn't last two days together... I'd love to prove him wrong on this.
We had a brief negative discussion yesterday regarding the finances it's always been a trouble spot for us, but no voices were raised. We also talked about the FB thing and unfortunately OW came up.. but i kept my cool regarding that as well. After that we had a casual talk and i told him about my weekend and we laughed about a few things. It was very positive and I think he left on a good note because he thanked me.
I know that if he was back in the home it would be beneficial for so many reasons although he wouldn't realize it at the time. Financially it makes sense, living in the home makes him more available to help fix it up, he gets to see his boys regularly (our cats he misses). He can concentrate on his business and regain his finances which will turn help him alleviate some stress and I can PROVE to him how much I've changed and provide a positive place for him to reside.
Now how do I accomplish this ? I have to get a timeline together on when I THINK i'll be ready to put the house up for rent as i need to make arrangements for a new apartment so I need the finances for that, I need to find a new practice space,I have to research what's involved with renting out our home (insurance etc.) Right now because i supported him for months and then he denied payments for so many things i'm playing catch up on the bills, also my car needs repairs and I have some medical expenses to pay for. So i can't be rushed out of the home too quickly..i'm thinking at least a couple of months.
I want to write him a letter explaining why i think it's better if he comes back home but not make it sound like i'm needy or doing it for any other purpose than that it makes the most sense. Will this scare him ?
I can't help but think that if he moves back home and things improve in his life that he'll hopefully make the connection. His life spiraled downward when he was with the OW and as his wife i'm willing to help him. NOT be taken advantage of or lose myself in this but I want to make him aware that I still love and support him without coming out and saying it, i'm hoping i can accomplish that in my actions.
Overall i'm pretty happy with how things went.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
oh.. one more thing.. He could barely look me in the eyes the whole time we talked. I made sure to give him my FULL attention but he averts his eyes when talking to me. I KNOW i looked good yesterday and it stings a bit because I want him to SEE me but I also understand that he's ashamed or feels guilty.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
Hi Chrys. It sounds like it went well. And I'm sure that you looked great! Don't worry, he saw it... I promise.
No letter. He has to come to this conclusion on his own. JMO.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
been offline for a few days, had drama that doesn't concern my marriage.. for a change.
Had a bad few days. Found out that H actually had a date on Valentines day, so after he saw me that day he went on a date. Nice. I've been gutted by this. I did hear the original OW was heartbroken that he wasn't spending it with her so that gave me 'some' satisfaction. I just don't know what to think anymore.. he's living his life like a bachelor now.
I did write him a letter to tell him not to remove anything from the house unless he informs me, because for some reason he took the jar of ashes that we had of a good friend of ours who passed away in July. Granted they were closer and he was her caregiver but i still loved and cared for her as well and was upset that he would remove her from her spot as he doesn't even have a place to live in yet.
It's been a struggle but i'm trying to cope.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
