25 Years Gone...?

[Cadet]

Her talk with you and then running, was typical. It was a bit of a peek out of the tunnel. More often than not, those moments cause us to think that things might be changing. We expect it to be that way the next time we see them. And we get hurt when it doesn't happen. Detatching helps you to see those moments for what they are. Then if she does wake up, you will be able to tell the difference.

So how do we know recognize when they wake up? Because they'll no longer retreat?

I'll take a stab at this for you.
Their is a link at the begining of this thread for the final stages.
I might suggest reading that for a more in depth explantion.
Also re-read the 6 stages of MLC.

In general the first three stages are running away and the last three stages are reconnection.
That does not mean the crisis is over when replay ends.
It is over at the end of acceptance and no sooner.
After the breaking of withdrawal their may be a recommitment to the marraige.
They can still leave even during the reconnection phase.
The first three stages are hard but the last three are much harder on the LBS.
You have to think of the early portion of this as training to be able to complete the journey.

Really you should concentrate on YOU and not worry about where they are.
When you take the focus off of the LBS you really set yourself up for failure.

By the time they are done you will know,
you will have no doubt.
It will be actions not words that will convince you of this.

But for now worry about yourself, YOU are the most important person.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Cadet and everybody. I don't even have to be interacting with her for her to get upset with me. She gets angry if I talk to her family, but she feels it is ok for her to talk to mine. My kids are upset with her, but in her eyes, she did nothing wrong and I turned them against her. (her words). She can't understand why nobody is taking her side. She feels that she is perfectly justified in what she did. EVERYTHING that is wrong with her life is because of me. Do I even stand a chance? My sister-in-law made a comment to me that talking to W these days is like talking to a kid. That's normal with MLC right? All this is so confusing.....

[cat04]

Tad,

Yes this is normal with MLC although MLC is nothing close to normal.

As far as you having a chance...

MLC has no guarantees with one exception, IMO...

The unexpected is always possible.

Will it be tomorrow?

Probably not.

Will it be next year?

It is a possibility.

It is up to you if you are going to be around to find out.

[sunshinelewis]

Thanks Cadet and everybody. I don't even have to be interacting with her for her to get upset with me. She gets angry if I talk to her family, but she feels it is ok for her to talk to mine. My kids are upset with her, but in her eyes, she did nothing wrong and I turned them against her. (her words). She can't understand why nobody is taking her side. She feels that she is perfectly justified in what she did. EVERYTHING that is wrong with her life is because of me. Do I even stand a chance? My sister-in-law made a comment to me that talking to W these days is like talking to a kid. That's normal with MLC right? All this is so confusing.....

Guilt! Guilt! Guilt! She has to justify why she did what she did/is doing.
She is going to say u are the prb. She thinks nothing is wrong with her.
Tad my ex is still angry with me after two yrs. being divorced. BUT he remarried a YOUNG girl after knowing her only 5 months. AND has a newborn baby!
Just let her anger roll on off your back.....she is very confused.

[sunshinelewis]

I must add that my ex is repeating his younger days. He is rewriting history......very sad!
We were also married after only dating 6 months! AND six months later we had a son.
He, in my opinion, is wanting to relive those younger days. When he lost his job, it set him on a path of destruction. He realized he wasnt what he use to be. He started to worry about his looks and health. Sad to watch!

[tadpole1025]

This is all so very sad. How am I supposed to DB though if I only see her very briefly one day a week? Is it even possible to DB with someone who is in MLC?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

When she sees you, what does she see?

[tadpole1025]

Well, probably somebody who is desperate to get his marriage back together. However, I'm not crying, begging, pleading or anything like I was in the beginning.

She probably sees the same ol' me.

What can I do differently though?

She usually comes to the door, I let her in, she sits on the couch for a few minutes and then leaves with my S16. What can I do differently? Not let her in? I really do have many options...

[tadpole1025]

Well, probably somebody who is desperate to get his marriage back together. However, I'm not crying, begging, pleading or anything like I was in the beginning.

She probably sees the same ol' me.

What can I do differently though?

She usually comes to the door, I let her in, she sits on the couch for a few minutes and then leaves with my S16. What can I do differently? Not let her in? I really dont have many options...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

What can I do differently though?

I like it when people think for themselves, so give it a try, What can you do differently...that is in line with DB, a hint?
It's not locking the door.