M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Quantum Statistics. Getting a Masters in International Business. I gotta tell you though, this sitch with my W has really made it hard for me to concentrate.
>>>>>UPDATE ALERT (Yes 2Step, I'm stealing this from you!)<<<<<<<<
W just texted me about tomorrow.
W: "I'm not sure how i feel about going to your place to watch the game tomorrow since we haven't had any discussions about our situation. What are your thoughts?"
Me: "I understand how you feel. But I think that it would be nice to just hang out. So I'm not uncomfortable with it at all. I don't want you to be uncomfortable though. It is truly up to you. I would luv to have you guys over, but I will understand if you decide not to."
---
W has not responded yet.
It seems to me that W is trying to put the ball in my court on both, her coming over to watch SB AND R talk... Like I've said before, W does not like to initiate things like R talk.
Well, I was right... my W was trying to put the ball in my court.
Further update...
W responded to my last text:
W: "I guess I just don't understand why you haven't initiated a conversation with me or tried to work things out. I don't want to pretend that there's nothing wrong. SS has hope every time we are together and that's not fair to him."
Now... I know that I'm probably going to get pummeled with 2x4s for my response. I probably deserve it. I just hope that I didn't just run the squirrel over with a semi. I'd smile at that comment if I wasn't so scared right now.
Me: "W, I'm just trying to give you all the space and time that you need for you and your happiness. I want nothing more than for us to reconnect and work things out."
"I understand why you left. I really do. I've been using our time apart to heal some things about myself that were there long before you and I met. That has been my focus. Bc if I haven't healed, then I can't be the person and husband that I want to be. I wasn't."
"But my silence on 'us' isn't bc I don't care. The opposite is true. It is the most important thing to me in this world. My silence has been out of respect for you and what you asked me for when you left."
"I would be excited to talk to you about 'us' if and when you are ready."
"I love you, SS, and my D more than anything (yes, even my dogs) and I want a new marriage with you... A better and healthier marriage. I believe in us 110%. Now more than ever actually."
"I bet that I just really made you not want to come over tomorrow. I hope not, buy again, I respect you and whatever you choose. Both tomorrow and in the future." ------
That was about 10 minutes ago. Haven't received a response yet.
Okay... Hit me with the 2x4s...
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Quantum what?!?! I understand the feeling. Unfortunately, my job requires me to be able to concentrate and focus. I haven't been too good at it in the past 3 months.
Yes, she responded. I updated above.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
"W, I'm just trying to give you all the space and time that you need for you and your happiness. I want nothing more than for us to reconnect and work things out."
"I understand why you left. I really do. I've been using our time apart to heal some things about myself that were there long before you and I met. That has been my focus. Bc if I haven't healed, then I can't be the person and husband that I want to be.
Probably should of left it at that. I think you just passed me up big time my friend, but I also think you gave too much info. Can't be interested if you give her the whole meal in one serving.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I just reread what I said to her. Too much. Damn it.
Still haven't heard back from her. I think that I just squished the squirrel.
Wonderful.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Denver, I only have a few minutes before my ride gets here, but I could not leave without sending you a few words of encouragement. You have been my wing-man for some time and I would not be much of a lead if I left you behind at such an important juncture.
Unfortunately, 2step is dead on. Next time just stop with the part about why you have been dark and then just stop talking. Let them register what you have said and then they can formulate a response. Lately, I have been trying to do that with my W as much as possible. It works! Adopt the "less is more" mentality. Let your W do the talking, you do the listening. It is good for them to hear their own words sometimes. It will make then finally come to grips with the B/S they are putting out. Keep that in mind.
This is still good though and I am very happy for you. Her words show conflict in her mind. She does want to be with you, she just doesn't know why or want to accept it. I would, however, try to meet in a neutral place and just hang out. NO RELATIONSHIP TALK OF ANY KIND! Just watch the game, enjoy her company and live for the moment with NO expectations. You will have a great day, I can just feel it!!
I have to know how this goes, so I will check back in when I get back from the movies.
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Take a deep breath and relax. Go light a candle. Brother I have done it you have done and we will continue to make mistakes along the way. THIS IS NOT A DEAL KILLER! Maybe for tomorrow but not going forward.
Dust yourself off and regroup. Give her time to think on those words you gave her a lot to think about.
The important thing is not to beat yourself up over it because that is what I do all the time. You see my convo's 99% I over do it but I always rebound and so will you.
Thanks man. Yes, after I reread what I texted W I realized that I had said too much. I think that I have been so silent, for so long, with W on the issue of our M, that she brought it up and I just let it all come out at once!!
This stuff is easier said than done, I'll tell you that much!
Oh well, I don't think that I could have caused too much damage with what I said. It's been an hour and a half and she hasn't responded. I'm not too worried though. I imagine that she is either busy, or isn't sure how to respond bc I put the ball back in her court.
What I WISH that I could say is this... "Just come home tonight, damnit!!! We both know that we want to fix our M so let's just start doing it and quit playing these games back and forth!!" But alas, that would be a big mistake I suppose...
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I hope not, buy again, I respect you and whatever you choose. Both tomorrow and in the future."
I understand the feeling. Unfortunately, my job requires me to be able to concentrate and focus. I haven't been too good at it in the past 3 months. 