I think that is silly. I read that talking online and on the phone a lot before meeting leads to false expectations. You build up who you think they are then are disappointed if they don't live up to that.
A few emails and phone call and I want to meet so you can either move on and continue forward. I tell most of them that after a few emails.... I don't need an email buddy.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I agree with SandyCay - if you talk for a long time before you meet, it is too easy to develop a pseudo-relationship and then find out when you meet that there is no attraction. Also I think it is too easy to fall prey to someone who just wants an online relationship, nothing more. I think we need to look at the online sites as just a way to get introduced to someone - then best to go straight to a coffee date.
It did occur to me, thinking about the 20-somethings and 50-somethings who make up the bulk of my contacts - those are the ages that aren't interested in having kids. Maybe that's why I look good to them! Also, I think for some of the 20-somethings, there is something forbidden or naughty about an older woman? It still astonishes me, though - I mean, I am an attractive woman and I do look a bit younger than my age - but jeez, I still have wrinkles and spider veins and 15 extra pounds. And these are very nice looking young guys who contact me - guys I would have dated when I was their age, for sure.
Oh, and GG? The guys from other states are either: A) Looking for internet "penpals" or B) Retired or out of a job and willing to relocate C) married guys who travel for business and are looking for a hookup next time they're in your town
I get guys that are out of the country...like Egypt and other middle Eastern countries. What does that mean??
I too get the guys old enough to be my Dad or the young ones that want to show poor divorced me a good time!! Where are the guys my age? Probably out looking for the 20 somethings that aren't being noticed by the guys their own age. lol Confused yet??
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I'm pretty sure most of the middle-Eastern guys are probably some Nigerian scam.
I'm sure they would ask you to send money at some point.
What is so surprising to me is, all those young guys who would like to show me a good time! I always thought "cougars" were predatory older women - not true! It's the horny young guys who are apparently the driving force behind that trend - who knew??
I suspect the guys in their 40's are either finally realizing they DO want kids, and therefore dating younger, or have already embarked on midlife crisis with their 50th birthdays looming, and are hoping to stave off the grim reaper by dating a younger woman.
I am SO happy to read what you all write; seriously, I am so glad to have some support!
I will turn 50 in September and I think just that number scares off a lot of men. I went to a therapist on Sunday and even she thinks I should date younger. Okay, but how young? Are any of the rest of you just a bit nervous to get involved with a guy around the age of 40? I'm scared to death!! I just can't do another classic MLC which is what happened to me.
So, then....what? I want to date a 50 yr. old, but I don't want Santa Claus and that's all I am finding! I'm on Fitness Singles, but I think that's not the best site. I'm on there because I want someone active; I think the guys are on there just to find a fit woman to have sex with.
Eharmony is free until Feb. 28, but only the basic stuff. So far it looks like a "tease" to get you to join and I'm not certain I want to.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Well, Golfgirl, at first I thought I didn't want to date any guy under 50. My thinking was, I didn't want to have to go through another guy's midlife crisis.
The first guy I went on a coffee date with was 6 years younger and I thought he was too young lol!
Then I had the boyfriend who was 3 years older. He was great. Except for being a depressed guy. Who dumped me for his old college girlfriend. lol
I haven't really dated since but the guys who flirt with me keep getting younger and younger and I am finding myself sliding down that slippery slope, thinking what would really be so bad about a little fling? It's not what I'm really looking for but so far, another handsome smart mentally youthful guy my age just hasn't materialized.
I have/had the same problem with the younger men too. Going out with friends the only men that talked to me are in the 25-33 yr old range... and on match... men my age (44ish) had they were looking to date women from 22 on up... I discarded them because they aren't looking for anything healthy. So many men my age wanted to start a family or wanted young women which tell me they are either in mid life crisis or are not looking for a relationship. Plus these men are sleeping with current 20 somethings and although I am in good shape, I am not 20 something. I don't need that pressure!
The younger men on there were always emailing me and pleading their cases as well. I equate it to this... when i was younger in my 20's and I saw a woman my age out at a bar... and a young man was talking to her... I knew he was doing it because they see "an easy lay" and would make fun of her when they came back to the group. They said divorced women of that age were vunerable because of what they had been through and a few choice words and most of time she was a sure bet. That has just stuck with me through this process.
I am no fool and I know that although I look younger, I don't look like I am in my early 30's. It would seem fun but the after would not be fun. I would rather fling with someone in my age bracket... which I put at 5 years older to 5 years younger. I just didn't waste my time if it wasn't relationship material. Because I am not wanting a dinner/movie companion at the end of the day. I knew that if what I wasn't looking for wasn't there in a person after a date or two then I would move on.
I just wanted a healthy man in my life and not someone with unhealthy views on women.
Plus, now that I am 3 years free of the STD's that EXH knowingly exposed me to and it cost $300 of lab fees to find that out (per test)... I don't want to have to go pay that again because of a fling. I would make anyone that I am going to "be" with show me their lab new papers. I know it sounds drab but when you have been exposed it becomes real and scary. It's just not worth it ladies and gentlemen. Do you really want to have to tell all your potential mates if you didn't have to?
That's my two cents on the younger guy thing.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I've heard everything you said and I totally agree. I just want that healthy man...are they out there? It seems many of the men in our age range are emotionally or financially devastated (or both) by their divorces or life experiences. Sigh....
I don't want to be a fool and I don't want to be a "notch" on someone's belt. I look to be in my early 40's, but not in my 30's by any stretch of the imagination. And I'm FINE with that. What I'm not fine with is the lack of decent men around the age of 50.
Yes, I agree with you on all the STD stuff. I will need to see written proof before my clothes come off!
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Seems like we're looking for the same thing. I signed up for the EHarmony free thing, but you can't see pics and I don't know if they can contact me. Also, it's $45 a month and you have to sign up for a minimum of 3 months. Just not quite sure about the online thing. I contacted a guy on the Fitness Singles site but he didn't write back. I hate that, it's so rude!
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
