Till death do us part... or she leaves...

[FellOnBlackDays]

Team,
It's 3:18 am and I am jsut getting home. I am as drunk as cooter brown. I spent the whole night trying to drink my W away. She hausnts me like nothing I have ever experirenced. They are shooting movies in my home town. Tonight I drank with movie stars. I have the cell phone pictures to prove it. And, yet, all I could think about was her. Have you guys ever heard "Angel Eyes" by the Jeff Healy Band? That was our song. I am sitting hear with it on continual play on Itunes and typing this. Dear god, please make this stop. All I can do is sit here and pitcure her face in my hands. I am crying so hard I can't barely see the screen of my laptop. Why is this happening? Doesn't she know that I love her? She is the only reason I got up in the moerning. Why is she doing this to me? I am soo sorry for what I have done.

So many of you look up to FOBD. Stop it. FOBD is a a farce. He is just a man and he is struggling to make it each and every day. He just wants his wife back. Oh crap, the tears won't sotp. Please make it stop. Why won't she come back? Doesn't she kow that I lvoe her.

Open letter to my W:

Sweetheart,

[FellOnBlackDays]

Damn it, I hit send too soon. what does it matter? She won't read tis anyyway. She is killing me. I cant take this any more. I am here in our bed alone. We had a king sized bed and I alone in it. tomororw I have to go tell my grandmtoher who loved us both dearly that we didnt make it. We didn't make it. She is going to be so disapointed. And I feel responsible. So responsible. Why does it matter? This is a horrible world we live in where people can just walk away and the courts approve it. Why do we even appear in front of a judge and pledge our love?? It is all B/S!!!

I spent all night telling myself I was GALing, but all I was doing was spending a ton of money on an expensive dinner to distract myself from the truth. Team, I am a wreck and I am tired of telling myself that I am not. My Ipod just moved to "If you can't say no" by Lenny Kravitz. Very fitting. Hey, dude in Canada, I hope you enjoyed it. She is very beautiful and very good in bed. Good for you, dude. I hope you drop dead tomorrow, *sshole.

Team, I am in a bad way. Please don't judge me from this. I wish I could have done better, but I didn't. My house is cold and loveless. I created tis world and now I wil have sllep in it. I gave it away. Denver,2step, good luck.

Folks, remember this is a war. A war against the loss of love and the saving of love. And with every war, there will be casualties. Only half of us here will save what we want. Dear god, why is this happening....

crap,I guess you can't drink your problems away. hey i didnt punch anyting tonight. I have to go to bed and drive along way tomrorrw. rest my friends. Nobody remind me of this tomrorrw. Tonight I had dinner with a WAS. he told me all kinds of things I didn't know. I have so much to learn.

Dbmod, please don't ban me for this. I am just scared and lost. I have to find my way and I neeed these folks to ehlp me. I konw I will catch a ration of crap from Mr. Bond and Truegritter. I hope others are having a good weekened.

Now, I have moved on to "That's how strong my love is," by Otis Redding. Damn, he is good..

Bits, say strong. I might fade, but our spitrit will move on.

fell

[2stepboogie]

Hey man,

I don't judge, it looks like I wasn't the only one having a rough night. Sometimes it feels good to just let it out. I had a rough night last night also had a rough nightmare that woke me up at 3:35am it is painful. But hey we are not dead or dying. I'm feeling a little better today but not much. Slap yourself in the face this morning and say "for god sakes man!!!! Get a grip!!! "

[InAPickle]

FOBD, I know how you feel.
We all know you need to vent and this is the place to do it.

I myself fantasize about being in the town of the OM with a sniper rifle and turning him into a eunich. So don't be to surprised at yourself. These feelings are perfectly normal.

It sounds to me like you are still attached, as we all are to a certain extent. Why bother to DB if we didn't care so much? I had a setback in my sitch: I thought I was peacefully detaching, but when when the process server showed up (even though I was expecting it) it was like bomb day all over again.

But just like after the bomb went off, I will slowley recover sanity and climb back on the horse. You will too. Do what makes you happy. Try working on MD's new year's resolutions.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/divo...busters-edition

[Firstlove]

I am new to the forum so I don't know if copying devotionals is allowed or not, if not, my apologies to DB. That said FOBD, I am in similar circumstances with my WAW, my heart aches each and everyday that she is not here in my life, and I caused so much pain and damage in our relationship because of my selfishness. I would do things so differently if only I can be given another chance to treat her like the amazing wife, mother and woman that she is, and always has been. My fear is that it is too late and that she cannot believe that I can change, and will open her heart to a future with me. I woke up this morning with the following encouragement on my email, so from someone who is walking a mile in your shoes today, I was encouraged by this, and in turn, am sharing this with you.

I hope it helps

Strength and Honor


Courage for the Discouraged

Courage for the Discouraged
Posted: 30 Jan 2011 02:00 AM PST
by Charles R. Swindoll

I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me and heard my cry.
He brought me up out of the pit of
destruction, out of the miry clay,
And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. —Psalm 40:1–2

Lord, we pray that You would bring relief when we are swamped with the ever-rising tide of discouragement. Grant deliverance for us who are caught in that swamp and start to slide into its slimy waters. Encourage our hearts as we face those depressing, dark moments that leave us feeling hopeless and believing the lie that things will never change. Father, give us hope beyond the heartbreaks we experience. We cling to the inspired words of the apostle Peter that if we humble ourselves before the mighty hand of God, You will lift us up. You will exalt us at the proper time. Discouragement keeps us humble, we confess, for we are never discouraged and bigheaded at the same time.

In humbleness, Father, we call upon You as Your children. We ask You to lift our spirits by transforming our minds. Strengthen us to see the value of dwelling on things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report. Help us to fix our minds on heavenly things rather than on those earthly things that drag us down.

Give us a rallying point around Your grace, dear Lord. We need that point of focus, our times being as they are . . . and our moods so given to change. Thank You that Christ loves us and keeps on loving us. Thank You that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Thank You that the grace that saved us keeps us saved . . . regardless of our doubts and other weird feelings.

We also pray for those weary souls who have never met Your Son as Savior. How do they ever make it through the day? We ask that their burden of discouragement would be lifted by the realization that Jesus's death on the cross paid the complete price for their sins. Help them see past their pain to the reality that there is nothing they need to do or promise or change or give up or become . . . in order to be accepted by You. Help them to trust in Your Son. May they do so today.

Now to Him who is able to guard us from stumbling and to cause us to stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior . . . be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority . . . now and forever.

In His great name we pray. Amen.

See also Psalm 69:1–4; Daniel 4:36–37; Acts 16:31; Romans 5:8; 12:2; Philippians 4:8; Colossians 3:1–4; 1 Peter 5:6; Jude 1:24–25.




Excerpted from The Prayers of Charles R. Swindoll, Volume 1, Copyright © 2010 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

[2stepboogie]

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

[Truegritter]

FOBD

We have ALL been where you are.

Sometimes it seems so bad you can't handle it.

But you can and you will.

Me? I use to have dreams about my W, wake up and throw up.

Everyone has some similar thing when they realize how much their M and their spouse has brought so much joy and pain upon them.

This is a process and the pain and heartache is part of it.

It propels you forward.

I like your BITS. You guys need each other. You are in this together.

I can tell you the friends I have made on these boards and those that walked along side me are some of the best people I have had the pleasure to know in my life.

Keep steppin.

[Denver_2010]

FOBD - Man, it is okay that you broke down last night. I know that you asked us not to remind you of it, but I don't want you to feel that any of us are judging you or that you let anyone down. You did NOT.

Like Gritter said, we have all been where you are. I have prayed to a god that I'm not even sure that I believe in, countless times to make the pain of what is happening to stop. I have cried and bawled and yelled to my empty house day after day, after day, for an answer to how I let this happen. When the bomb first dropped on me, I got every beer and every bottle of alcohol in my house, put it on my counter, and made it a point to drink as much of it as humanly possible until I passed out on my couch. I never drink by myself, but in my despair, I didn't see any other way to get through that night.

My point is that we understand what you are going through FOBD. We are all here for you. And man, I tell you what, I think that I would really enjoy sharing a more enjoyable drinking binge on the town with you some day! You seem like my kind of guy... a good guy, with a huge heart, and loyalty to his friends and family.

Take care man.

BITS!!!
Denver

Dbmod - a little love with this post actually showing up... pretty please!

[zengypsy]

2Step - THAT is some heavy s###. What song is that from?

[zengypsy]

FOBD

We have ALL been where you are.

Sometimes it seems so bad you can't handle it.

But you can and you will.

Me? I use to have dreams about my W, wake up and throw up.

Everyone has some similar thing when they realize how much their M and their spouse has brought so much joy and pain upon them.

This is a process and the pain and heartache is part of it.

It propels you forward.

I like your BITS. You guys need each other. You are in this together.

I can tell you the friends I have made on these boards and those that walked along side me are some of the best people I have had the pleasure to know in my life.

Keep steppin.

FOBD - What TG says is true. He is a straight shooter. We all have our bad days; it's the rollercoaster ride. Yesterday was blah for me today is going better even tho my STBXH called. I didn't answer the phone because it's about our pending court date on 2/8/11.

We will never know why our WAS's have left the best thing that they couldpossibly have in their lives. I truly believe that they are on some mortality quest. Truth is, there is none. Imagine looking and looking for something that just isn't out there. I've said it before; it's like tires spinning in the mud. Ya gotta have some empathy for them even though they hurt us bad and on some level we have hurt them to the difference is WE chose to take the higher road, take accountability, get ourselves better etc. If your W is like my H, he said that my recognition is a little too late. IMHO, I don't think so but he has to get there and realize. Our mutual trust is broken and it's hard to remain friends at the moment when/if he's involved with an OW. The fog will lift. I have to believe that, I've been told it does happen. But as Michelle says in her book, it takes time and patience. WAS and MLC'ers are one in the same IMHO.

We are here for you. You got your posse on this board. We are all in the Newcomers forum for a reason. We are never going to turn our back on you.

Get back on track - you inspire others and yourself. Keep moving in a forward, positive direction.

Peace - ZG