IB, I have done the very same thing. I am a counselor for goodness sake! I was trained by MWD herself. My H was having an affair 6 months before I found out. Don't you know I have asked myself many times, "How did I not see this coming, or even notice when it was going on?" But then I have to remind myself that this isn't really about me. This is about H and his MLC craziness! Will he ever come out of this? I have no clue. It really isn't something that I have dealt with in my practice. But, I do know that I am trusting God, and He will get me through this and I will be a better person. My D is going through Confirmation right now, and this Sunday she has the Rite of Enrollment Mass. This is H weekend, I am sure he will attend the Mass, but it has been about a month since he has gone. I know that God is working on him and I hope that he can recollect why he converted so many years ago. I know that he will not get through this MLC without God. But he has to accept God. I am hoping through our D's confirmation with is in April H will work on finding his way back to God. I am just not sure he is open to that right now.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I backslid today...when I talked to my BFF she helped me realize that any time I have contact with H then I seem to begin blaming myself for everything that has happened all over again. My best cure is NO CONTACT. I asked her the following question:
Is it possible that H has stopped engaging in the sexual addictive behaviors since he finally got rid of me?
These are the thoughts that go through my mind. I am the reason, he is happy because he is rid of me. I know that I am projecting - I know that I am being crazy. NO ONE engages in the things he did whether they are unhappy or not.
Sometimes I think these moments are somewhat healing because the more I put words to these feelings the more I can counter them.
I am going to get through this!!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
You are going to get through this. Remember that God gave man freewill. This is about your H's problems, not yours. You are good, kind and have not chosen to go against God's will.
(((HUGS)))
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I think, as woman, in our role as nurturers', that we often take on the responsibility of the entire family. What our kids do, what our husband does, all are a reflection upon our skills as a good mother and wife. That is the mindset. We were raised with it. But it is BULLSH#T. Our kids grow up and even as toddlers do things that are embarrassing and dangerous if not watched. When they are teenagers, it is totally whack.
I don't care if you were Beaver Cleaver's Mom, what your H did is in no way a reflection upon you as a human or a woman, wife or mother.
Your faith is very strong, that is obvious. I'm thinking you need a little outside reenforcement. Say a female self-protection class. Something with a little OOMPH! It is your self esteem that keeps taking the hit and keeping you down. Build on that. Take college courses. And I don't mean knitting. Take line dancing.
You are a wonderful, strong, loving woman, whose been used as an emotional punching bag, either directly or indirectly, by a H with a certifiable problem. Thump that little devil of self doubt off your left shoulder and listen to the angel on the right. ((HUGS))
Thanks all. Had an IC appt today. Still same issue / how can I let this crazy man's actions dictate my identity. I don't have the answer. I know somewhere the answer includes co-dependency. I know it includes insecurity. Bottom-line I am a better person than this situation reveals.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Thanks SA. I feel like they are smaller than baby steps and I want to be "done" with these feelings! I guess patience is not my strong point.
Rough week back to work / exhausted and angry with myself for not succeeding on all my resolutions. I am so hard on myself - I need to find some strategies to stop these feelings!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
TGIF - the end of a TOUGH week! S had game tonight. I took his gf and friends to the game. Bought them dinner afterwards - had a good time - reminder: I am the lucky one to still have them in my life.
I'm tired and I'm going to take care of myself this weekend!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I know you can't see it from the nose bleed seats, but your tough weeks ARE getting fewer and farther between. Go back to the beginning and re read your own posts, objectively, and perhaps you'll be able to see what the rest of us see in you as far as progress.
Have a great weekend!
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Rough week back to work / exhausted and angry with myself for not succeeding on all my resolutions. I am so hard on myself - I need to find some strategies to stop these feelings!
You need a positive mantra for a start.......perhaps something like I am a warm and loving mother and friend. I treat others with care and integrity. I am successful!
