well I can say that I did read a thread by Cristalle in infideltiy jealousy several months ago where her h was so wrapped up in his EA that it did affect his sexual feelings towards his w he just couldnt do it. it was definitly only an EA because I believe the ow was on another contenant!
I would say his drive is a result of depression, thats my feelings.
your w could very well be telling you the truth or is just saying that as an attempt to get you to back off of her. I know I did. I dont see how she could lose those feelings so quickly while still talking to him. so I think she is trying to get you to back off. this is a tough place you are in because the more you try to get her to stop talking to him the more its going to drive her to him believe me I know!
as a matter of fact I beleive in my case the feelings would never have gone where they did if things had not been blown so out of proportion to begin with. honestly a day before the discovery of he and I talking so much to each other I realized I didnt have more then friendship feelings for him. I realized for sure it was just that things were so bad in my relationship and his that we were growing closer as friends and misinterpreting our feelings. I had decided I would stop talking to him recognizing what was going on with my feelings etc. well then there was this huge blow up and fighting and huge accusations that it planted so many seeds! as time went by of not being allowed to talk to him and having all these what ifs running through my head it turned into more then it was same with him. so when we started talking again and were there for eachother through even more hell thats when it really took off. so much could have been avoided in the begining. I think!
okay got to run for the day I will check back tomorrow Sue
One other thing is that over the last couple of weeks my wife has been calling me alot more at work etc, while I have not been calling her as much. I know the rules on pursuit and distance. Maybe that is what is happening here. The conversations are never too deep just very high level.
I just popped in to say hi. Been doing ok, although am dreading Spring. Think I'm having a MLC, but am maintaining my responsibilities. Regarding the wife calling you a lot at work, Bob, she could be checking on you to make sure you're not going to be home any time soon...just a thought. A negative one, but with the sex issue (om not having sex with wife) it's another piece of the puzzle.
No I doubt that it has anything to do with me coming home. It is like she is calling me just to check in and talk. She also has had trouble sleeping a couple of nights this week which is unlike her. Must be a lot on her mind but hey I have been pulling away a little and she has been calling me. Leaving me updates on her day. The sex stuff who knows. Both you and Sue have provided such good input
Dennis, I dont know what to tell you! that seems impossible dosnt it. but i am a firm believer in whatever is meant to be will be! (in the end) the OM in my situation... he and his wife were already in the process of D she had 2 affairs with 2 of his friends! during their seperation and the divorce procedings she had gotten a new boyfriend she was crazy about and he ended up dating a woman he was pretty interested in. all kinds of things happened that threw those two back together kicking and screaming! and now they are both exstatically happy and have never felt better together or ever felt they knew each other better.
I dont have all the answers and I can only speculate on human behaviors but the truth is I believe what ever is meant to be will prevail. I am extremely content at this moment that I have made the right decisions for myself to take me where I am suposed to go in life and I really dont think thats with my H but who knows. At this point it will take a miracle to keep me with him though!
I wish you the best!
Sue ****************
Hi all, rather then add another post I decided to just throw an update to the end of my last post on this thread. Simply because I remember thinking at that point in time my marriage was definitly over and I had tried for all I was worth and then some a 1000 times more. I mean this marriage under went an autopsy and was already embalmed (sp?) I havent looked back at this thread or the board in months, until recently, so I missed these later posts. It struck me funny as I read my above words about how at this point it would take a miracle to keep me with my H. A miracle was what I got . My son. I never thought I would have one. But now I have a beautiful 3 1/2 month old boy. I was on birth control when I conceived him and it was just two months before I was going to have my tubes tied. At first I was so scared. I had given up on my H ever getting his act together. I thought the Big Guy had totally overestimated me this time. With the destruction of my marriage, I didnt know how on earth I was going to manage being a single mother of 3 children and a baby. But you know what? HE knew what he was doing. during my pregnancy everything changed. My H and I actually became friends again. This precious little guy brought so much peace into our home. My H on his own without any pushing or mention from me got help for his drinking. Not because he had to but because he wanted to. For himself and his son. Our girls are very happy, our family is very happy. Its a good place to be. I cant thank God enough for the miracle. I have let go of the past and truly forgiven my H for the abuse.
I wish you all the best. keep the faith. Sue
If you are having trouble with detachment, theres a thread that I loved that helps, called Words of Wisdom from daily readings http://66.111.66.234/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=24&t=000253. Its mostly spiritual readings. They helped me to find peace through some rough times. I hope they will help you too.
sue, please read my post in OTHER TOPICS FORUM, and reply when you have a chance. i agree with how the family system can factor in to detachment, but i continue to question what is/are the core reasons for what she has continued to say and do that could destroy our marriage. i feel like it has now effected me because of my feelings that i still have a life and my kids will always be my kids, but to end it when i know that it is senseless because of what has taken place! i constantly worry about her and feel sorry for the experiences she had as a child and what we must do to get her help.i keep teling myself that i can't leave because of this, but at the same time my 3 yr old son has started to get effected intially by her actions, and i don't want this to continue. please reply!!
I havent looked back at this thread or the board in months, until recently, so I missed these later posts. It struck me funny as I read my above words about how at this point it would take a miracle to keep me with my H. A miracle was what I got 
. My son. I never thought I would have one. But now I have a beautiful 3 1/2 month old boy. I was on birth control when I conceived him and it was just two months before I was going to have my tubes tied. At first I was so scared. I had given up on my H ever getting his act together. I thought the Big Guy had totally overestimated me this time. With the destruction of my marriage, I didnt know how on earth I was going to manage being a single mother of 3 children and a baby. But you know what? HE knew what he was doing. during my pregnancy everything changed. My H and I actually became friends again. This precious little guy brought so much peace into our home. My H on his own without any pushing or mention from me got help for his drinking. Not because he had to but because he wanted to. For himself and his son. Our girls are very happy, our family is very happy. Its a good place to be. I cant thank God enough for the miracle. I have let go of the past and truly forgiven my H for the abuse. 