You need to call your lawyer. I don't know the law, but you are still married and this is crap!
Your children should not be around such a filthy situation.
I am so sorry you are going through this B2BAD.
I also advise you to breath and calm down. You need to be calm for your kids.
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
If we worked together on it we could seriously have this sorted out in a couple of months
OTOH, she may not be able to be on the same timetable. It may take her a lot longer than a couple of months. For some men, I think they just want to hurry up and have everything back to normal (nothing wrong wanting that), but in many cases...it is harder than expected...and takes longer than they thought it would--or should.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
What I mean was, by the time this is over, I doubt I'll even want to even speak about her regardless of this excuse of being in a "fog". I think at some point I won't care that she had a temporary loss of logic and common sense... The damage may be too severe at that point.
This whole thing... Her treating me so horrible, doing such careless things, not considering the children at all, the OM... ALL OF IT... is just blamed on this "fog" she's in... I'm starting to think some people like this are just crappy... Bottom line... That's how they are... That's perhaps how they've always been and I am convinced they will return back to that state of confusion over and over again in life. Is it worth it? Are they worth it? Perhaps someone else, who has not committed these acts of sacrilege deserves me
I have not said a word to W about anything yet, just gonna wait a couple days to calm down. Not sure what to say or if I should say anything at all. I almost don't want to give her the sastisfaction, which she will certainly get. At the same time, my kids are most important and I feel she should not be putting their emotions at risk. Not to mention, I know how LAZY & CARELESS she is when she is "supervising" our kids. The OM is likely to be watching them more than W... CONCERNING!!! Although, I'm sure he'll grow tired of that mess and run like hell. I don't like being in a position where I can't protect my babies. GOD HELP ANYONE WHO HARMS THEM!!!!
The "fog" just describes the state of mind that the person is in. It's not a medical condition or a psychological issue.
First thing you've got to do is detach. Seriously detach. There's so much anger and resentment in you and brother I've been there. There's no "rational" reason why your W is doing what she's doing. It's purely emotional.
You need to realize that unless your kids are in physical danger, you can't do anything about them being exposed to whomever your W wants to. You don't have anything legal to stop that, so you have to accept it for what it is.
You DON'T know how lazy or careless she is with the kids anymore than she knows about you with them. That's mindreading and it'll only get you feeling worse.
So bottom line. What do you want to do? It's time to do something different.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thanks MrBond, I just get frustrated and vent on here often. I'm sure it gets frustrating to see I'm still angry and not TRULY detached. Good news is I have not contacted her or even displayed anger for 2/3 weeks now. A HUGE improvement. I took the advice to cry, vent, be angry, etc. In private or on here. Have been GAL, I go out alot! Have even stay out overnight at friends. Very relaxing and fun... Feels good to live again... I really haven't for some time.
So I worry about my babies, and my focus has been THEM first... Then ME. I am making progress on REAL detachment.
My W for the first time in forever left an actual voice mail this morning on my cell. Nothing special and I'm sure was only due to the holidays, but a very small positive change. I had previously offered W to keep kids longer on Christmas day, for kids sake mainly, so they wouldn't have to be rushed on their Christmas morning tone dropped off by me at 7am... W then declined the offer and said she would "stick to the schedule". Well this morning she left a message asking if she could keep them until 9am. I responded by email and said, whatever you'd like... 9am is ok.
Getting completely detached isn't always realistic, B2BD. For many it's just not being so attached.
It was nice of you to cut her some slack, I find less tension is better for the kids, and better on your own heart. You're a good dad.
It is really hard when you aren't happy with the situation your kids are in and you lose control over it when they aren't with you. My kids had to go to their dad's for a month years ago--which was 300 miles away. It was terrible. They were about 7 and 2 years old then. (23 and 18 now) The better relationship you keep with your wife, not only helps your chances if you want to reconcile, but gives you more chance of weighing in on the things she does with them when you don't have them.
Wishing you the best, sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
