Up most of the night with a sick little girl. By noon she was feling better and I had decided it was nothing serious. Just an upset tummy from her runny nose. We went to play with her best friend and now she is napping. If she is still feeling good with no fever we will go to the holiday parade down the street tonight.
H called to check time for tree decorating tomorrow. Sounded excited too. Wants to go shopping and do dinner next week all 3 of us together.
On a different note - my girl's daycare director made a comment on Friday when I was talking to her about our holiday plans over the next couple weeks. BTW, I have not told her about OW, just the sitch as it effects my girl. Anyway, she said that if H has someone else, they won't like how close he still is with me and our girl. I think I agree with that too.
Not worried about it for now. I expect H to pull back again soon, but who knows for sure. Trying not to predict his next move. Just concentrating on what helps my girl and me get through this.
BTW, put up Christmas lights on our front porch with D tonight. First time either of us had Christmas lights on our house.
2 whole strings too! I'm so proud of us.
This is awesome Zen. Doesn't it feel good to see that when you come home? You have inspired me... I will do the same for my apartment. You're H is sure to notice.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
H came over for the tree trimming and everything went well. I didn't persue, just decorated. He got here a little early and had lunch ready. That was nice. D3 was crazy-silly, but I think she was just tired and excited that daddy was over. Put up the tree, played 2 rounds of memory. Did a bit of online holiday shopping. Made plans for all of us to have dinner & finish the shopping Tuesday. Told him I would let him know what other holiday plans we make and he could join us if he wanted.
All said and done, everything seemed good to me. If this is how things go on, I am ok. D got her daddy. We were relaxed and comfortable (well, I was at least). It may not be what I would have chosen for any of us, but its ok. I think we are all prety lucky that things are this civil. Hopefully we can keep it up for our for our girl too.
Not really sure if it counts as a bounary, but I did ask H to please put away the camping stuff he left in the garage. He said he would, he had just forgotten about it. No big talk came out of it, but I still feel good about asking him to take care of that himself.
Regardless of OW's involvment in that trip, I felt it was thoughtless of him to leave a big pile of stuff laying in the garage. He has a tendancy to just drop things off at the house. Not sure if he expects me to clean up after him or if he thinks elves come and do it.
I'm not his mom and this isn't his house any more either. I won't be cleaning up after him, especially considering it may be his way of telling me about OW. I’m done with these passive-aggressive guessing games. If he is ready to tell me, so be it. He can use his words like a big boy though.
D3 spiked a fever yesterday evening and was up half the night, so I let her sleep in and called in late to work. H said last night that he should be able to get off work early and take her the second half of the day. I sent him a text, but he won't be up for a while yet. Think I'm not going to send her to daycare today.
Anyway, I at least get a nice slow morning to enjoy my coffee.
Ended up with a nice morning with D then went to work for just a 1/2 day. I did take a much happier D to day care for just a couple of hours – but only after updating the director on my girl being sick and getting her ok. H did get off early to get D, but couldn’t get there before I needed to get in to work.
H continues the increased chattiness and phone calls. No snappy or irritated behavior either. H seems to genuinely appreciate my opening up our plans for the holiday to him. I have applied no pressure and have no expectations for his involvement though. I have been surprised by how much H seems to want to do together.
I do expect pullback at some point, and probably soon. Just a ‘feeling’ but I still think OW would be up for sainthood if she’s not jealous of the time H spends with me and D too. Since she is sleeping with a married man though, I doubt she is really that selfless and understanding. It’s just a ‘feeling’ though.
Despite the increased contact, I have pulled back lately. I only email or text about D. When it is time for D to tell daddy goodnight, I put her on speaker phone right away. I don’t call to talk to him at all any more. If I have a schedule question I email or text. H on the other hand is calling about this stuff more and more.
I am keeping my distance physically. I don’t seek physical contact right now. I also don’t invite H to come over in the evening either. I know I’m not prepared for any more intimate encounters right now.
I don’t ask for help with anything around the house. I also don’t let him know what I am doing unless it involves our girl. I don’t ask or even inform him when I rearrange something in my home any more either.
I don’t ask questions or make comments about what he does. When his change of address confirmation came here, I just put it on the counter for him to find.
I try not to follow up when he tells me he wants to do something. I had (and still have) my own holiday gift plan, just in case H forgot about him wanting to do gifts together. The iPhone too... If my phone completely breaks I will just go to the shop that day and get the free one on my plan. No stress.
I am asking for things I want, but skipping any explanation when possible. Nothing big, just stuff like him cleaning up after his camping trip and giving me more notice about scheduling with D3.
I am continuing my goal of a ‘safe’ home for my daughter, myself, and even for my H when he comes around. D is doing much better with this new schedule too. She is less anxious and sad. It makes me happy to see her impish smile coming back out again. I missed that. Her doing better lets me relax when she is with her daddy more too.
I think my task right now is to take a good hard look at both myself and the man I married. I am looking for what was missing, broken, and dysfunctional. I am looking to find what I need to heal in myself.
You sound great. IMHO, sounds like you are doing exactly what you need to be doing. That was my approach almost to a tee. What that plan ^^^^ allows you to do is focus on YOU and D. H becomes a very minor factor. It helps your mentality and it helps you continue to be the best YOU can be. My H would call and text me about random stuff just like yours. It seems they need to keep that tether. Stick to your guns like you are. You sound great!
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
