What I KNOW after being HERE for 3 years.......

[Jack_Three_Beans]

THAT is a horrible song. Kind of gives them this power over you. Heck PlanB might as well ask him what you should have for dinner and if you should enjoy it.

You know what I mean?

[beatrice]

I think the feeling of failure that I also carried for a long time, goes along with our h's revisionist views. Until we are able to reject those views completely, and to see them for the bs they are, then we tend to internalise them, and accept the view of ourselves as failures.

The truth is that we are not failures, we are the ones keeping the show on the road, keeping the faith. We are extremely successful as people. We can love, and go on loving. You will not know until later how much the ability to love unconditionally means to your children and good friends. It is an amazing thing to be able to do. It is reassuring in an uncertain world that you do not withdraw your love when the going gets tough.

Your children will test you again and again, because you are the strong one. I used to be so tired of peole telling me that, but now I am grateful that I am strong. yes, it is hard work.

The feeling of incompleteness does go away. A bit of me was sad to see it go, but now I feel different and whole again That is what healing means. it doesn't stop me loving my h, but I see the situation differently. The perspective has changed. we get to the other side, and can face the world again.

[handlingplanb]

If memories were like the leaves that fall
When would I carry them from my mind?
The seasons pass, but they never change
A broken heart can't keep time

Jack, I get what you mean.....but just seemed to say what I've been feeling......NOT what I want to live by. I want the memories out of my mind.

[irishblessings]

B -

Your list at the opening of your thread was wonderful - although bittersweet for me to read. I am doing better overall - but the sadness overwhelms me sometimes. I feel like I should be able to "just get over it" - but I get clouded by taking on the blame. I have to push through these times and I usually do - but it is tough. It is good to know I'm not the only one.

IB

[handlingplanb]

IB - I have felt like I should be able to "just get over it" too, but it doesn't work that way. When married as long as we were our M and R with our spouse becomes part of who we are and that's not something that just goes away when one person checks out.

Hang in there. This is a LONG process. Longer for some than others. I think the length of time is related to how much of your identity was connected to the M. For me, I know it was too much - thus my continued difficulty.

Some days I like who I am and where I'm going, other days I don't and I let the memories take over and miss what I "had." I can't do that anymore. I know that.

Looking within................not always pretty, but necessary.

[handlingplanb]

"To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give one's self; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm, and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

[ericmsant2]

"To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give one's self; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm, and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love this ^^^

[handlingplanb]

This is what I want for myself - for MY life, and this is how I plan to live. This is what I want.....and maybe the book this quote came from.....

[ericmsant2]

Handling,

This is what I want

And who is the person that can stop you?

God Bless,
Eric

[handlingplanb]

There's only one person that can stop me.......and I know who that is (ME).............I just wanted to write my goal/reason for writing it.

On Monday H had been out of town for the day and texted and asked if I could take S11 to baseball practice because he couldn't get there in time and then be at practice in time (he is coach). I said yes. S asked if he HAD to be there for the full 2 hours of hitting, and I said probably not - since you can't hit for 2 hours. He also had some homework. So, I texted H and asked if it was ok if S finished his homework first. He said yes. So....I took him about 30 minutes late.

Last night S11 told me that he got in trouble for being late to baseball practice Monday - and asked why I told dad that he was doing his homework. I said that he WAS doing his homework - and he said, no - I was eating dinner. I said, you were doing your homework, and then I fed you before we left and besides - you didn't want to be there for 2 hours. He said, yes I know but I told dad that I wasn't doing homework - I was eating.......

So....I let it really get to me to the point that I was almost sick to my stomach. BECAUSE the thought of H thinking I lied to him was more than I could take. I have remained honest and truthful almost to a fault during this whole thing - despite H's continued lies about even the little things. It bothered me to think that H would think that I lied because the person I AM and strive to be does not lie. So I HAD to text H last night to tell him that it was my fault that S was late to practice - that AFTER doing his homework, I chose to feed him first. After some time passed H replied, and I was very glad that I had texted. I don't think H had thought that I had lied to him. In his reply, he referred to not giving S a hard time about homework and that he wouldn't do it again. We have had some issues with S this year with anxiety and school - and H's reply made me think that maybe he hadn't thought I lied to him.....

The thing is, I immediately assumed he was thinking the worst of me - thinking I was someone I'm not - reminded me that I do that about him as well, and why I stand. Despite all of the craziness of MLC and what whacky things he's done and said, I still believe his core is the man I love.

Hasn't changed anything about my path. I know that I still have to let him go. My reason for texting was not because I didn't want him MAD at me (as it would have been not TOO long ago).