pensacola- keep in mind that your wife is sick at this point. She is addicted to this person and she is not thinking clearly and you can not trust her thought process. She will go back to him if she does the TKS. But you cannot make her decisions for her. Even though she is incapable of thinking clearly, you can not be her guide in this. All you can do is make decisions for yourself. What you are willing to live with? Steve is right are the circumstances ideal for her in your marriage if you tell her she can't do the tkd? no. Will she decide to end it with you if you don't allow her to go? Yes probably at least for the time being. So make this about you. Is her going to TKD, the place where she started an affair, an ideal situation for you? Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who continues to have some kind of relationship with her affair partner? If that is ok with you, then let her go to TKD. Becuase she will have a relationship with him. If you do not want to be in a marriage with someone who will do this than end it. You can not make your wife do anything. You can only create the kind of relationship with someone that you want to have by creating the boundaries that you want to see in a relationship. I am in the same boat as you, always worrying - will this decision make him want to leave me? Why should we care? We should start caring about what we want out of a marriage and hold our spouse's to that, and if they can't do it we will find someone who will.
MC was successful. We discussed communication issues. We discussed the NC with the OM period. We also agreed that TKD is not the OM they are separate, and as long as she agrees to not be in classes where he is likely to be present, and IF he shows, she will leave, then the trust must start somewhere. The MC Co agrees that WAW should continue, because to do otherwise would be resentful and would lead to eventually longer term problems, while WAW also agreed that my issue with OM came out of their association at TKD and that she must be guarded to ensure the trust does not erode, and that if it does, TKD is not sustainable...
Overall we aired out some contentious issues and the MC assisted with the outcome.
She wants to attend more MC sessions. That is postive.
She also has apologized for the hurt she caused me over the EA. pretty big steps for her.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
Sounds all good. Are you truly ok with the TKD situation? You will need to monitor your own thoughts/reactions/etc the next couple of times she goes...
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
MC was successful. We discussed communication issues. We discussed the NC with the OM period. We also agreed that TKD is not the OM they are separate, and as long as she agrees to not be in classes where he is likely to be present, and IF he shows, she will leave, then the trust must start somewhere. The MC Co agrees that WAW should continue, because to do otherwise would be resentful and would lead to eventually longer term problems, while WAW also agreed that my issue with OM came out of their association at TKD and that she must be guarded to ensure the trust does not erode, and that if it does, TKD is not sustainable...
Overall we aired out some contentious issues and the MC assisted with the outcome.
She wants to attend more MC sessions. That is postive.
She also has apologized for the hurt she caused me over the EA. pretty big steps for her.
No new updates.. I hhave been offered a fantastic job 4 and half hours away. It will require me to be gone 4 days a week and home on the weekends. I also will deploy for 1 year with 1 week off every couple of months.. the pay is incredible and will help the financial long term goals be met. Wife is supportive and I think the short term away for 4 days a week for a couple of months will help us build the trust needed for the long term deployment.
She is making genuine steps and has given me access to her cell phone and no longer is so secretive. She is affectionate, and passionate again and speaks often of the future.
MC has helped and she is looking forward to other sessions.
She wanted a hot tub and we got one. She calls the Hot tub, "our attorney fees".. lol that is pretty funny and money better spent.
I remain cautious and on guard for any signs of the EA coming back. I am not as paranoid about it anymore and not as jealous with her, I am simply matter of fact about it.
I will be gone like the setting sun if she picks up again with the OM...
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
I hear you there PB. I am in same boat with W. She has given me all access, tells me she loves me. Gave me a key to her place. All seems good but it nags at me that she did hook up with another guy. We have plans for Thanksgivng and her Son's wedding but she wants no PDA at the wedding because she had told her family we were kaput! But I will look so good after a couple drinks she will be all over me!! Keep your chin up and radar going!!
I feel you on the nagging anxiety about why they hooked up with another guy.. I am trying to let it go.. and that is my demon to wrestle with. I am giving her the opportunity to show me I can and should trust her.. but Radar is still in transmit.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
