Pensa. Get some help on this issue from you MC. The MC is a neutral party that should be able to assess the situation and help the two of you decide whether or not TKD is a problem or not, and you don't have to be the bad guy.
She may legitimately think that she can handle it and it's not a threat to the M, but she is not objective and she does not get to decide when you can trust her again.
IMHO, TKD is BS. She can find another way to do it or another marital art style. There is nothing special about TKD. I have trained in that style and many others. Placing a particular studio or style in the way of reconciliation devalues the marriage or fails to acknowledge the damage that has been done.
I understand that it's a small studio, but how does she know he won't show WHILE shes there? He has no reason to leave. Will she leave in the middle of class?
You sound Controlling to me. Selfish. Jealous and Insecure.
I can see her quiting if you pressured enough. No money, no where to go with kids, and a controlling husband that would probably fight to keep every extra cent of support money they have coming to them. Alot of woman are trapped in an unhappy marriage for just those reasons.
But I could also see her resenting you and holding it over your head until she had enough strength or money to say, I have had enough.
What do the two of you have in common other than arguing and a lack of trust that would make time spend together more important than time spent apart? When is her contract up?
Shocked, she has agreed she will leave immediatley if he shows up even if it is in the middle of class.
Making, yes I agree. MC tonight we will see.
Steve, she has her own money. I never have used money as a weapon and not sure what you are saying. Maybe you have my thread mixed with someone elses? Only one child in my sitch. As for being jealous, insecure um yea my wife had an EA, guilty as charged.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
That's still a slight problem. It's not no contact. She is intentionally placing herself in a known location that he could be anytime. My X said the same thing to me. "I won't go if hes gonna be there". BS. The only way you would know he's not there would be through some form of contact.
While the heavens might part and the earth crack, I agree with Kimee Lee about:
Quote:
I think it is inappropriate for her to go someplace where there is always a good chance that he may be there.
If her M was so important, she would remove every situation that might result in "running into" OM. TKD is not more special than any other location to be avoided in these cases.
Pen,
Not saying to take TKD away, but if she is wanting to be married she also needs to assuage your fear and worry.
If she isn't willing to compromise and change a style while you are being ok with her still doing TKD, then there is a worry.
If she is remorseful, she should be willing to pay some sort of penance, be willing to understand your fear and work toward rebuilding broken faith.
Blindly taking them back and at their word is a recipe for disaster later. The burden of proof is on them, not you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
You can do whatever you think is best, but... just for giggles, let's play a little game I like to call "Shoe on other foot".
In "Shoe on other foot", the Pennsacola version..., you are a member of a gymn, and going to the gymn is very important to you.
You meet a woman at the gymn, and you start having an affair with this woman.
Your wife catches you having an affair with this woman, says she's done, but you promise to end the affair and not make contact with her..., but...
you won't stop going to that gymn. Hey, it's the only one with that machine that you like so much. Why should you quit your gymn? All you did was have an affair and threaten divorce and stuff. Why does that silly woman have feelings? Not that they matter.
You still think there is no problem with all of this?
It's your call. Do what you will. But be honest with yourself about why you are chosing to so what you are chosing to do.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
If I had the affair and there was a chance of running into the OP then I dont care what gym, grocery store, bank, etc I met this person at. If I know that the OP works there or frequents it I would avoid it at all cost as respect to my partner. period.
I would first of all feel bad about my affair and would be willing to do anything to gain back the trust that was broken.
