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Jennifer,

You are spot on with your comments on this being his "guilt".

Your response was spot on IMO.

Oh...a "little buzzed" or "pretty damn buzzed"? The later should be the response LOL.

Have a good week.

Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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He admitted to me tonight that he is seeing someone. He said that has nothing to do with anything.

I'm so sick to my stomach. I've been crying most of the night. I just can't do this anymore with him. He said it so nonchalantly...so cold hearted...

I ask myself why do I still love this man? Why do I continue to let him hurt me over and over and over.

I shouldn't be surprised that he's seeing someone. It doesn't make it hurt any less. Heck, he's been having EAs with numerous women over the past 4 years...that I know of...maybe longer.

I swear this hurts more than it did 5 years ago. Now he just keeps asking me via text ...what do you want in divorce?

I don't respond to that. I'd be nuts to put anything in text format. So stupid.

I told him I want my cell phone (currently under his plan) transferred to my own account because I am tired of him going through my cell phone records and spying on me. At least let me have some privacy. He has all the privacy in the world right now. It's like he wants to try catch me doing something wrong so he has an ounce of justification for all the wrong he is doing.

I want him out of my life, but that's not possible because he's the father of my children.

Is this the type of person worth standing for? Is a person who doesn't want to be helped worth standing for? I don't think so anymore. I don't want to be hurt anymore.


Me-40 H-41
M: 10 yrs T: 12
S9/D5
ILYBINILWY - Separated: 01/06
Reconciled: 08/06
H depressed again: 02/10
Separated again: 9/17/10
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Jennifer -
I am so sorry about your situation! This person is not the person you married. Take a step back. Be an awesome mother! Live the life you are given!
IB


M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years
Ds-24,22/S-18
D - 3/11
A Day at a Time
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Jennifer

Breath....just breath...

I am so sorry. I know first hand just how much this hurts. It hurts like hell. It is the mother of all betrayals AND when you first find out....you feel like ya wanna die. You feel like this is it..this is the last straw. Fu*k this - I'm otta here.

The emotions that you are feeling right now are normal. Feel them. Cry, scream, punch a pillow do what you need to do to let them out.

Quote:
Is this the type of person worth standing for?

Is he? Right now I'd say hell fuc*ing NO. BUT later...who knows? I am not telling you to stand or not to stand. I am only saying to step back and calm down. You do not have to decide anything today or tomorrow.

Quote:
Is a person who doesn't want to be helped worth standing for?

Maybe he is worth it. I don't honestly know. What I do know is that YOU matter. That your feelings are valid and that right now he is totally fuc*ed up in the head.

Quote:
I don't want to be hurt anymore.

IF you think standing = hurt, then no he is not worth standing for. You need to protect yourself. Protect yourself emotionally, financially and physically. You know how you do that? You really detach. and I mean really detach. You let his as* go and start the healing process.

As you are healing and growing you can decide what you want to do. BUT you want to do this from a place of true peace. Not from a place of anger and hurt. You deserve better than to make a rush decision when you are hurt.

Your H is having a major crisis - this is NOT YOUR fault.

Jennifer, you are not alone.

Keep posting...write what you feel.

My suggestion for you is this...

Cry today, write today - do not reply to him AT ALL.

Do not reply to him tomorrow. Do not answer your phone.

Just breath and feel this...

(((((((((Jennifer))))))))

Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Jennifer...you can do this.

You've done it and have been doing it.

Not to steal from Christopher Robin to Pooh Bear but you are stronger than you think:)

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Jennifer,

Just checking in...how are you? Are you okay?

Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Hi there,
Thanks for checking on me. You're the best! I am doing okay. Trying real hard to focus on my job today.

H sent me a text this a.m that said "I didn't want this for my life...you spent years treating me a certain way because of what others had done to you...yet when I can't get the bad out of my head I'm a bastard piece of sh&%."

I only responded with "I apologize for reacting the way I did out of hurt and anger last night."

He texted back "I truly don't know where to go from here..."

I didn't respond to that. I don't have a response for that.


Me-40 H-41
M: 10 yrs T: 12
S9/D5
ILYBINILWY - Separated: 01/06
Reconciled: 08/06
H depressed again: 02/10
Separated again: 9/17/10
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 3,132
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Jennifer

Quote:
Thanks for checking on me.

Your welcome.

Quote:
Trying real hard to focus on my job today.

Good


Quote:
H sent me a text this a.m that said "I didn't want this for my life...you spent years treating me a certain way because of what others had done to you...yet when I can't get the bad out of my head I'm a bastard piece of sh&%."

Just wondering but what did H mean when he said what others had done to you?

Quote:
ed back "I truly don't know where to go from here..."

I didn't respond to that. I don't have a response for that.

No need to respond. You can't fix this for him.

So what are your next steps?

What is Jennifer going to do next? I know we have discussed trying to figure out a budget, etc. What really are your plans?

Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 56
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Quote:
Just wondering but what did H mean when he said what others had done to you?

He is referring to my first husband (I was very young, married him at 21, he was 31) he cheated on me and left me. And I ended up with trust and insecurity issues that I carried with me.

Quote:
So what are your next steps?

What is Jennifer going to do next? I know we have discussed trying to figure out a budget, etc. What really are your plans?


Today, I don't know what my next steps are. I am trying to put the focus back on my life with the kids and step away from his drama. I need to concentrate on my job - God knows I need to keep it! I'm not in the mindset to think of a budget. H just gives me what we need in the account, when we need it. I pay all the bills Nothing is routine because of the business and because the business is not doing well.

I'm going out this weekend, in costume smile Heading out to some bars with girlfriends. Looking forward to that - then spending Halloween day with the kiddies.

Keeping the chin up!


Me-40 H-41
M: 10 yrs T: 12
S9/D5
ILYBINILWY - Separated: 01/06
Reconciled: 08/06
H depressed again: 02/10
Separated again: 9/17/10
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 56
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H stayed with the kids last night while I went out to a couple of parties and then to a few bars with girlfriends.

This morning before he left he came up and asked me where all my diamond jewelry is. I asked why was he looking through my jewelry and he said he was looking for his bracelet (that I got him as a wedding gift). He first accused me of selling it all to get money. And I told him the truth which is that my Aunt suggested she keep all my valuable stuff, for my protection. He got PISSED! I didn't react at all. (Actually I couldn't muster up much emotion due to being dead tired from coming in at 3:30 a.m) and it was 7:30 when he confronted me on this.

He said I was just thinking that you sold it all and yet you keep asking me for money for the checking account, acting like I'm some kind of money pit, like you always have. I've never treated him like a money pit. I just don't know where they pull these ridiculous thoughts from.

His thinking is sooo warped. Does he not realize that although he doesn't live here, the bills have not gone away?
I'm so concerned he is going to make things really ugly for me.


Me-40 H-41
M: 10 yrs T: 12
S9/D5
ILYBINILWY - Separated: 01/06
Reconciled: 08/06
H depressed again: 02/10
Separated again: 9/17/10
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