Good, keep the positive changes going for yourself and remember these are changes that your're doing for you.
It will take time to sink in.
Go out and enjoy yourself.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
When does the roller coaster slow down?? Tonight I went over to a friend's house and had dinner with her, her husband and another friend. We sat down to eat dinner together and I lost it. I started crying right there. It was so embarrassing. I think it was the setting of sitting down together like that and the way they were talking nicely to each other. I can't remember the last time my H and I talked nicely like that to each other. I sometimes think I rewrite history too and think it is all my fault that this is happening. The stress I have been under in the past few years turned me into a really angry person sometimes... and I definitely took it out on him way too often.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Wow GW, you still out there? I just read your stich... well most of it, that sucker was long!
I realize what a big mistake I made when this whole thing first went down with my H. I made it easy for him to S because everything became so emotional so quickly. It wasn't thought through well at all. I also realize I am in big trouble to every get this back on track not only because we are physically separated but bc we don't have kids etc. holding us together. I do still have the work environment to influence his view of me but I think he is in a deep, deep fog. Like I said a few days ago, I suspect they may have taken a trip to Vegas together this weekend. I haven't heard from him for 4 days since 'sort of exposing' the affair. At least making him wonder significantly what it is I know. This is very unusual not to hear from him this long. I obviously have to let him go big time. If he figures out what a massive mistake he is making, so be it. If he does not, I will move on.
Last edited by blgp; 10/16/1002:30 PM.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Now just journaling... I again feel so much better after my run. Ran a little further than usual. I know I can't change what I did getting emotional etc. after he told me he thought he wanted a divorce, wasn't sure if he was 'going through a phase'. Would it really have mattered? I again would have tried to work on the marriage but would it have helped if he was already having at least an EA? Probably not. We needed to hit rock bottom for anything to change. I now have changed and am much healthier. I know as of this morning that I do deserve better. I would still go to MC if he changed his mind one day but, I think it is time I start to date when/if I meet someone. I am by no means ready for a long term commitment again, but I am ready to live my life as much as I can while being a resident.
While I feel this good right now, too many days I have experienced the roller coaster. I know my emotions may ambush me again, I will just enjoy the feeling of contentment right now.
Hope all is well with the rest of you.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
The ride is just beginning. The key is not to get too emotional about the highs and lows. It is mentally draining and thats why it's important to focus on yourself and what YOU CAN control.
The WAS is always in a fog. You need to be the sun to burn away the fog. Do it by dropping the rope setting them free and taking care of yourself.
I know it's very difficult to do but it's the key to surviving.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I struggle with the dating issue myself and there is no one right answer but it seems to me you are still early in your situation to be getting out that way. As long as you feel yourself on the rollercoaster, and particularly if you are breaking down around other people, you probably want to focus on detaching a little bit more.
You sound like you will be a great catch when you do decide to date and there's really no hurry IMO. Last thing you really want to do is use someone else as a crutch to get you through the tough times, it will only prevent you from getting the full benefit of the learning experience you're going through and really complicate things.
Yeah, I agree. I can't get into any kind of relationship right now. I am still making myself stronger. I had another discovery today that reinforced he is having a PA with someone. It hurt at first, but it lasted much less time. I think I am slowly moving toward the detaching. His actions are his actions with consequences he will have to live with. I am determined to have a good life with or without him. Gr8 day, you are correct about the emotional drain this is... I think I need to stop looking at what is going on in his life so I can focus on studying and being healthy. I went to church last night for the first time in probably 15 years. It was very powerful. I miss faith. I will probably go again next week.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
I agree with ED, it is too early on in the process for you consider dating. You are there mentally and that would be unfair to anyone you meet.
Quote:
I think I need to stop looking at what is going on in his life so I can focus on studying and being healthy.
What you can control.
Quote:
I miss faith
I like the word faith over hope, Faith is more positive, knowing it will be OK no matter what. Hope is passively wishing it will be ok.
What helped me early on was Coach's reference to the "Stockdale Paradox", google it and read the story. then start to live it.
You have choices today, decide to have a great day!
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
BLGP I'm here...was away from a computer for the weekend. We are here for you and have been through what you have. The breakdown, not surprising and nothing to be ashamed of. TBH, it will likely happen again. This isn't easy. But you are doing well.
I agree that its a bit early (in my personal opinion) to jump into the dating scene, but there are certainly varying opinions of this on the boards here.
Running/exercise always good. Church always good. IT will keep you going.
The roller coaster sucks and it isn't going away any time soon. There will be times when the roller coaster is gentle with its ups and downs and other times where it is violent, but it will be there for a while.
So what are your goals for the week? What is your focus?
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
