I know you're hurting. But focusing on what you're losing/what you've lost will only make things worse for you.
What you need to do is start to rebuild your life, one piece at a time. It'll take a long, long time, but you can do things in the short term that'll really brighten your perspective.
I want to help you during this difficult time so please consider what I have to say.
If there was such a thing as the first commandment of divorce-busting it would be "Thou shalt not overpursue". And if there was ever a case that screamed for following this injunction it is yours. Your story is loaded with signals from your husband that his most immediate relational need is to feel free, unpressured and un-suffocated.
So how do you do this besides carefully reading parts of Divorce Remedy? If in doubt say less rather than more. Let him initiate everything - recognizing for now he often won't. Do absolutely the very best job you can at pretending you are doing fine or well enough. Don't say anything that would allow him to think he is responsible for any of your emotional suffering. The more you can do these things the more his "escape anxiety" will gradually tone down.
In the meantime, learn the strategies and tactics of divorce busting that will come into play once engagement in the relationship starts as a result of your husband's initiave. The time and practice will be well spent.
Also, keep coming here for support. You will find plenty of it, thank goodness.
Last but not least, on the front page of the online section of this site look for "Another Divorce Busted", the section about success stories. More than anything right now, you need to find that sense of hope and possibility. You will find it here.
Truly wishing you the best and giving you my vote of confidence,
Og God how can one survive this pain... can't stop crying for days
Me:48 H:48 M:23, T:27 DD 24 Bomb 1 07/27/10,IDLY,moved out without notice while I was at funeral Bomb 2 09/30/10, "I can't return home, I want D" Found out OW in picture since 07/09 D'd: 04/01/11
I understand. My first 18 Days were miserable. I went from 198 lbs to 179 lbs. I didnt turn on music, didnt watch tv, I just retreated into my soul.
Then I started reading the threads and Gucci and robx and Coach and Gut and Serenity and Sol, PH and Pook and others helped me see that dammit it is NOT my fault. and you really do have choices.. I focus on John Wayne.. what would he do.. he would put a boot in the ass... I also use the Mantra of Tom Hanks from League of their Own.. THERES NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!!!
So Stand UP. Stop Crying. Get a PLAN. Be consistent (hardest part) and tell the WAS you are tired of their crap. SET A BOUNDRY and Stick to your guns.. the Duke would!
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
So yes, Gucci and Pinhead were right, I am now 99,99% sure there is an OW4, and the one I suspected it is. No need to snoop, the Dropbox we share (and he knows I can see it) is full of pics and videos he took on their joint time at various dropzones. The last one being from the town 2hrs drive from here, where his aunt lives. History repeats, he took OW2 too to his aunt's house 10 years ago. This time I don't have solid proof he actually took OW4 to meet his aunt, but I know he always visits her when hes there.
Since neither MIL nor his aunts call me any more, I have every reason to believe that whole family knows. Finally, BIL got married last Thursday, and my DD was invited to attend the ceremony, but I wasn't. We are separated but nobody filed yet, technically I'm still married.
I dropped the rope completely after this, and intend to mail him tomorrow to come pick up his remaining stuff next week. I don't think I would ever want him back even if he crawls back and begs me to take him.
Sky
Me:48 H:48 M:23, T:27 DD 24 Bomb 1 07/27/10,IDLY,moved out without notice while I was at funeral Bomb 2 09/30/10, "I can't return home, I want D" Found out OW in picture since 07/09 D'd: 04/01/11
I dropped the rope completely after this, and intend to mail him tomorrow to come pick up his remaining stuff next week. I don't think I would ever want him back even if he crawls back and begs me to take him.
With that said, I am well aware that this is the only thing I can do now given circumstances. What can I do with somebody who disrespected me so much to get involved in 2 EAs and at least 1 EA &PA (as I don't know the extent and nature of this new A)?
Why is it still so damn hard to let go and move on, I still do love him deeply, idiot me... :-((
Sky
Me:48 H:48 M:23, T:27 DD 24 Bomb 1 07/27/10,IDLY,moved out without notice while I was at funeral Bomb 2 09/30/10, "I can't return home, I want D" Found out OW in picture since 07/09 D'd: 04/01/11
