I came to the conclusion that I did not want the D. I came to the realization based on my W actions just how totally “gone” she was. I knew it was her crisis. So I decided not to file. I call my L and said please hold off.
I was happy…I had made a decision for ME. I had stood for my M. I knew that I could look at my kids at the end of the day and say that daddy did not end this – daddy it gave it his all and then some. Daddy stood NOT for HER….but for HIM…I stood for ME.
I came hold and told my W that I had decided NOT to file. She was PISSED. Was so unhappy. You should have seen the look on her face. I actually went outside and smiled (I have to be honest and say I did feel a little revengeful joy – kinda like “f you back”). Do you know what I realized….
I just made her OWN her decision. I made her responsible and she did not like it one bit. Ya see an MLCer will usually push the LBSer to file. This way they can blame you.
Eric
Love this story Eric!!!
My wife would have been thrilled if I had been the one to file!!
Who says we have no control over this.
This is one of the reasons why it is wayyyy better to be the LBS.
It is hard to see that at first. It makes more sense now.
This is one of the reasons why it is wayyyy better to be the LBS.
It is hard to see that at first. It makes more sense now.
W
Totally WAY better to be the LBS. I don't envy my H in any way shape or form right now. I see what he is struggling with and going through and I'd much rather deal with my stuff than what he has to deal with in his head!
Had a good day yesterday The kids and I went to the mall for some birthday present shopping (I have 3 birthdays to get gifts for in the next week) Then I took them to the park for awhile.
H called this a.m. to talk to the kids and then started crying because he feels they don't really care to talk him and don't say much on the phone. I guess he is expecting them to say they miss him and such. I don't know. They are 8 1/2 and 5 years old, they don't say much on the phone in general. I told him I understand that he feels hurt. He asked why I wasn't saying anything and I said because I don't really know what to say.
Work was busy today which is great!
H texted me this afternoon and said "where do we go from here..I am lost..and haven't got a clue...I picked up a couple pumpkins for the kids..."
(Him and his ... through all his texts, it's gotten so annoying! He never used to do that.)
I replied and said "I don't know what to say. You are saying that you cannot change. I can't help you decide what you want for your life". No response and no call tonight from him for the kids.
I don't know what I am feeling right now. Kind of feels like acceptance of everything. I'm not mad. I'm not upset. I'm not sad.
I don't know what I am feeling right now. Kind of feels like acceptance of everything. I'm not mad. I'm not upset. I'm not sad.
I would suggest trying to "feel" happy. It is good that you are not sad, not angry, not mad.
How is your H BTW? Does the crisis appear over yet?
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks for checking on me Eric. You know, alot of the time lately I do feel happy. I think that is why I am confused at my feelings right now - other than that, I'm not really feeling anything at all towards H. I'm letting him go.
I don't think the crisis is anywhere close to being over. He hasn't expressed anything or said much at all to me the past few days. He seems very distant and out there. I'm used to hearing him be depressed all of the time so I am not sure what's going on in his head. The last thing he said about the sitch is on Monday when he asked "where do we go from here. I am lost and don't have a clue. I picked up pumpkins for the kids" (See my post above for my response)
H called this a.m. to talk to the kids and then started crying because he feels they don't really care to talk him and don't say much on the phone
Sounds like guilt and deep depression to me.
Jennifer, I hope that one of the MLC vets could chime in on your thread.
IMO, I think you are doing exactly what you need to do. You cannot fix him BUT you are trying to be as supportive as you can be.
Continue to be strong for YOUR kids.
Continue to live your life.
Maybe...just maybe...he will come out of this.
Love Jennifer CAN conquer all.
YOU are not sure of what your feeling...that's okay.
Question should be...
Why are you standing and WHO are you standing for.
What are your core values?
What are your views on committment.
I can see your strength Jennifer....
No one said this was easy...
Just remember...
How you live YOUR life is YOUR Choice....
Me - I love my W. I will wait for her....Until...
I decide I no longer will.
Lastly, IMO, right now YOU do not have to choose anything...
You can just live and LOVE.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Jennifer, I hope that one of the MLC vets could chime in on your thread.
Me too!
Thanks for making me smile Eric. I do believe I am doing the right thing, the way I am handling all of this. I know I am a strong person - I've been through alot in my life and always make it through - a better, wiser, more insightful person.
But dang...can't I have a little bit of a break? lol! Does something always have to go wrong?
I asked myself your question - WHO am I standing for? And at this moment, I don't even feel like I am standing so-to-speak. I honestly don't know what I am doing other than continuing on with my life, remaining the rock and the constant for my children.
My eyes have opened up to alot of things. I look around our home and I can't tell you how many projects or things that were started that are not 100% complete. It seems that it's a normal thing for my H and I am realizing that I can't stand it! He doesn't finish ANYTHING to completion. You would think it's insane if I wrote the list - there is so much SH%T unfinished EVERYWHERE in this house. It's crazy! And with how much he is into his MMA, I am so much more aware looking around the house now, taking notice of how many books upon books, upon equipment, stuff upon stuff upon stuff that my H has bought over the past 2 years and it's all just sitting there. He still practices 4-5 times a week, but he doesn't use any of this STUFF. He has so much STUFF.
So I began relating that to our relationship. He is unable to finish anything to completion in his life, including his marriage! Not that a marriage can be completed, but I think you know what I mean. He got to 90% and decided to bail. Just like all of the other STUFF.
So, the other day, one of the things that was never completed, I took care of myself. I said to myself "why do we not have knobs and handles on our cabinets and drawers in our 2 year old kitchen island?" Because H said he had to measure the depth of the drawers for the right screws...and he NEVER did. So I went out to Lowes and bought the damn knobs and handles myself! I put the knobs on the cabinets but I do have to go back to Lowes to get longer screws for the drawer handles. Like seriously, how difficult was that to complete? Not difficult at all. In fact, super easy! I am going to start making my way around the house and I am going to finish what I can!
That turned into a long rant...thanks for listening/reading if you got this far!
I do believe I am doing the right thing, the way I am handling all of this.
As long as YOU do that really is all that matters.
Quote:
WHO am I standing for? And at this moment, I don't even feel like I am standing so-to-speak. I honestly don't know what I am doing other than continuing on with my life, remaining the rock and the constant for my children.
Honestly, IMO this ^^^^ is the right STAND. You are standing for YOU and YOUR children and YOU are giving YOUR H the time and space he needs.
Quote:
He doesn't finish ANYTHING to completion
Actions and behaviors in the past ARE not always indicative of actions and behaviors of someone in the future.
Quote:
So I went out to Lowes and bought the damn knobs and handles myself!
DO you do drywall? LOL....seriously, this is another good step FOR YOU. Take charge over your life and YOUR house. Do what you can and expect nothing from him.
Jennifer, keep doing what you are doing. Be that strong MOM that the kids need BUT also...remember to take some time for YOU.
Do something for you Jennifer...nails, pedi, workout, go out with friends...something. If you do not you will begin to resent YOUR H, which is not good for YOU or HIM.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Jennifer, keep doing what you are doing. Be that strong MOM that the kids need BUT also...remember to take some time for YOU.
Do something for you Jennifer...nails, pedi, workout, go out with friends...something. If you do not you will begin to resent YOUR H, which is not good for YOU or HIM.
I know this and I agree, which is one of the reasons why I am continuing to make plans with my friends and have my calendar booked up the next 2 weekends. (And H is staying with the kids both times) And I am due for a pedicure soon
I am continuing to make plans with my friends and have my calendar booked up the next 2 weekends.
Atta girl! You go GAL your butt off. Ya deserve it!
Have a great weekend.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
The kids and I went to the mall for some birthday present shopping (I have 3 birthdays to get gifts for in the next week) Then I took them to the park for awhile. 