Since you can't seem to find a psychologist have you thought about at least seeing a spiritual counselor/advisor such as a pastor/priest/rabbi? Just a thought.
I'm here with a H that has PTSD ( from the war) alcoholism, and MLC. He is seeing a psychiatrist only because I forced the issue with his command ( he left me over it) and I have no idea if it's doing any good as he has taken up with a girl 15 years his junior who is probably undermining the whole issue.
SO, If your husband is willing to see a specialist, I say find one somewhere, anywhere, even if you have to travel to see one. Start with the MD, work over to a spiritual counselor, and then to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Be proud that you have a spouse that recognizes a problem and is willing to seek help. To to any lengths to find it. (((HUGS)))
It does sound like he did not complete his journey the first time around. As you know, in MLC, the addiction to whatever, alcohol, drugs, OP or pornography are just a bandaid to make them temporarily feel better!
Originally Posted By: JenniferA
Things are pretty normal at home other than the fact that he's utterly depressed most of the time which is difficult to deal with but I am taking things day by day. I just want to see him get help.
As Lance said, maybe a visit to a physician would be a great place to start. He could have several tests run including the one to see if he is experiencing male menopause. Even if that isn't the problem, at least he would "feel" like he has taken a step especially if he can't see a psych anytime soon!
Hang in there Jeniifer...you've done this once, you can do it again! Refresh your knowledge and arm yourself!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Jen, jumping in here and I know you don't know me, but please see if your H is willing to check with a medical doctor first. My H is deployed and wants to reconnect with me.
One of the things I have found out through his mail (he stopped it from being forwarded to the OW - says he is done with her - but I am still keeping expectations to zero) and him that he was getting a series of tests done before he deployed. He found out that he had low testerone which made him feel less than a man. He has been so unhappy with himself that it forced him to pull away from the very people (not just me as his wife, he also pulled away completely from his family) who know him best and who love him the most.
This information is still relatively new for me because he is trying to reconnect. I just validate and try to understand. I do not compromise me because that contributed to our situation.
Sometimes, I know men never want to admit or face the possibility of a medical issue.. and my H is definitely one of those guys, but it is amazing that he now admits he has a problem and even that he knows he put me through H$LL and has apologized. He wants to get better for himself no matter what happens. I think that is a good place for him to be and he must complete his journey as do I.
I hope you are able to convince him that seeing an MD would be a good start. I hope everything works out. Take Care.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Hi all, I am really struggling here with all of this. Briefly, H and I discussed things Friday evening and because of how he has been (no emotion, emptiness, blank) and the way he is treating me (doesn't admit it fully but I believe he is talking to other women, to what extent, I am not sure) - he has been sleeping at his store (he owns a retail business) since Friday night. He said "I have not been good to you, so I should not be here"
I am trying so hard to keep it together for the kids and not break down but I am getting worse as the days go by that he hasn't slept at home. My mind is racing all over the place with thoughts of what he is doing and what he is up to. He doesn't call or text me at night - nothing. I shouldn't expect that though I guess since he wasn't giving me anything even when he was home. I barely slept last night and was crying alot of the time. My kids are starting to question things, specifically my 8 year old son. We didn't tell them that daddy isn't staying at home. My H told them that he had some stuff to do and wouldn't be around as much for a little while. He did see them on Sat and Sunday. And is getting them from school today.
He had his first psychologist appt. yesterday morning. He said it went ok and that he liked the Dr. The Dr. said he would be okay with seeing me individually as well. (This was my H's idea -for us to see the same Dr. separately and then if needed he can bring us in together down the road)
I don't know if this is MLC or what - I just feel so lost. I know I am a strong person but feel very weak and torn apart right now.
It does sound like very strange behavior, which can be very typical of someone in crisis.
It is also possible that he never completed the full MLC when you were here before. They can then reycle backwards to finish their journey. You must go back and start from the begining and figure out what part you had in contributing to this. You must let him go to finish HIS crisis. I am sorry to have to tell you this but there is no other way to fix this. You must make the complete journey or else you will continue to repeat it over and over until you(and he) get it right.
You must go back and start from the begining and figure out what part you had in contributing to this.
I'm confused at your comment...I already did all the work on myself while we were separated in 2006. I made a ton of positive changes for myself, GAL, went back to work full-time, go out with girlfriends at least twice a month, I don't give him a hard time about anything - he has a great life - practices MMA 16 hours a week, goes out with his buddies whenever he wants (maybe once a week - sometimes less) and never hears crap from me about any of it - he wakes up in the morning, rolls out of bed, gets in the shower and leaves. There is NOTHING that I did to contribute to this, this time around. That is where he is coming from when he says I am not to blame at all this time. That it's all him, not me. (Complete opposite from when we separated 4 years ago) He has been telling me constantly for the past 4 years that our M has never been better and how happy he is with us!
I admitted fully last time that I needed to make some changes and improvements and I made them ALL(for me!) And so it turned out that he came back because he was really happy with what he saw.
This is where I am stuck - because what else do I need to do???? I'm not saying I am perfect - no one on this earth is. But I made the changes within myself 4 years ago - and in the end, it truly hasn't made any difference for him as HIS issues are all resurfacing again. And now he keeps harping on the M issues that we had BEFORE - the issues that have been resolved and that he can't seem to let go. Even though things have been great, I've been great, he can't get the PAST out of his head, so he tells me.
My trust issues may not have disappeared but he has not given me any reason TO trust him now or then. That's not my fault. It's him!
Jen, you sound very much in the same place as I am. My H came back after a few years, I thought he had worked through his issues> I thought it was going to be different this time and it was for about 6-8 months...now he is back in his tunnel. He doesnt act happy. I feel he is only there because it is convienent for him. He too has gone and done things behind my back. He took flowers last month to a girl he said was just a friend, but hid it from me. I dont trust him and that just brought it all back up for me. Now things are weird and we are walking on eggshells again. I hate it. Im miserable there with him. I miss the old him. He also goes to a therapist...but he admitted to me that he doesnt tell her everything. I know he hides alot from her that she really could help him with. Now its driving me crazy NOT knowing what he is up to in his head!
I feel for you, I really really do!! I have to keep reminding myself that this is NOT my crisis! This is my H's issue and there is nothing I can do about it!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
