Had great weekend! Fun-filled. And had my two S's.
I was on call with work this week, which stinks. It has meant we (me and my S's) couldn't run off out of town for the three-day weekend. WOuld love to ahve gone to the beach, but that was out.
Still we made do and had fun anyway. On Saturday we went to a a BBQ cookout with friends -- lots of children running about. We all had a very good time. Sunday we went to church and then we put together a new aquarium, as we have been outgrowing the old one.
Today, the holiday itself, we went to a matinee (saw "The Last Airbender") and rode bikes. Or, rather, it was mostly the boys riding, as I ended up trying to help S5 learn his balance so that eventually he will not need his training wheels. S5 is getting much better -- it won't be log now.
Can't believe it's over already. I need a real vacation now, and have been for a long while.
The movie? It was okay. The boys seemed to enjoy it. I had heard that despite all its potential it was very poorly done, mis-casted, and ends in the middle of the story, setting you up for a sequel. Most agree that one would be better served by watching the original TV series instead.
So I was prepared to wait until it came out on DVD or VOD, but we caught a cheap matinee and S9 was adamant that he just had to see this. I warned S9 that he shouldn't get his hopes up. I am glad we didn't pay full fare to see it, but it turned out not quite so bad as I had feared.
Yup, I had a feeling..I was not to keen on it myself, but actually S4 was interested in seeing it, but he has forgotten about it now. Will wait till it comes out on DVD.
Im looking for to Harry Potter coming out in November, I can't wait. I am on the 2nd to last book, I won't read the last one til I see the movie. Book is definately better though.
Have a great day and take care!
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
My S's are with the ex this weekend. Today was the big kickoff event for scouting, a family picnic, and so I asked xW if it would be all right if I took S9. She hemmed and hawed until yesterday before she gave an answer. But she wanted me to drive all the way out to their double-wide out in the sticks, OM's home, an hour one way, to pick him up. But she had plans to visit OM's mother this afternoon, and since where the picnic is would be on their way, she said she would pick S9 up later after the event was over. Well, at the last minute, xW reneged and decided to not pick S9 up and she expected me to drive all the way back out there again. Yet again xW couldn't live up to her own agreements.
After spending four needless hours on the road -- and all because she just has to have her squalid trailer out in the dirt 60 miles away -- I am none too happy.
...But I am ranting here... That's all. I'm getting over it...
However... I am not going to allow this to become some precedence, which I am dead certain she wants this to be -- I understand that this was on her custody time and I was trying to be accommodating for that reason, but this mileage she has placed between me and my S's is her choice and should not be a burden I have to bear. Not for her. I can compromise to a point and no more.
Next time xW pulls this I will simply take S9 home with me.
Your sitch makes me wonder about mine down the road. Eventually STBXW will sell the house or lose it. Then I really wonder where she'll end up. She's spending all of her free time in towns 30 minutes north of here. I could see her moving there because she'd be far away from any of my friends and it'd make it impossible for me to see them every day after school. Luckily, in mediation she agreed if that happened I'd pick up an extra night every other week.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
The scouting event was great! Huge turnout, lots of fun, plenty of food. S9 somehow got a splinter in his left foot somehow (still trying to figure out how he did that -- must have gotten wood chips inside his shoe?) but it all went well for me up until the close of the event, when the ex was supposed to show up, but calls me on my cell phone instead.
The move away thing has been a Sword of Damocles hanging over my head since the beginning of this madness. I knew she would do it eventually. And she feels self-justified to do so because she automatically thinks that as the mother she has every right to call all the shots regarding our S's. I have been trying to divest her of that false notion ever since, but she can't be bothered to think beyond her own selfishness. I had been persuaded by my atty to drop a clause in our consent order that would inhibit move aways (by placing all of the burden for transportation to comply with the custody schedule on the back of the offending parent) so as to get xW to sign something, but I regret it now.
The parenting coordinator has never taken serious xW's moves to place roadblocks to practical execution of our consent order, so he's been of no help as xW moves right along with her plans to marginalize me in our S's lives. She is still talking up S9 changing to school systems out that way next year. S5 would be a part of that move too. And yet the PC still acts like she would never do anything like that. He can bury his head in the sand but I won't.
I suggest you talk to your L about a move away clause in your own agreement and whether that might be workable. L's might be tempted to only use such language as bargaining chips, but hindsight tells me that you need to not settle for anything less than what you or your children can still live with.
I believe that if we are to truly practice loving firmness/strength we need to bring our "A" game.
I am at a strange point in my life this week. I don't know what's about to happen, but I sense a turning point. It's more internal than anything. I am unsure whether it is the beginning of a new "cycle" or that this is something different just starting to evolve within me.
So many things I have been reading, listening to, studying have all touched on a deep course I seem to have subconsciously known was running through my life these last three years. I have been working through the anger and loneliness following the final letting go of my former spouse.
I have been struggling trying to remain a good parent to my S's and a positive influence on their lives while in the face of continual and unrelenting poisoning of their minds by their mother and members of her family. I am witness to actions to alienate me from my S's and seeing the resulting turmoil on their innocent psyches. And I have had to resign myself that the legal system, the parenting coordinator, family counselors, etc. are all either (a) powerless, (b) uncaring, (c) contributors or (d) all of the above to the great evils that arise from D and the ripping apart of families.
And my reaction had been mute anger seething within my soul, with no recourse or outlet for its relief. I am intelligent enough to have seen all along how this is my chief-most problem and how it only contributes to xW's plans. I am intelligent enough to recognize that I have been my own worst enemy, but lacking the wisdom to figure out how to overcome this same. I have often felt utterly powerless to be able to help myself or my S's through these times. And a sense of hopelessness poisons my thoughts.
Fortunately time -- much time -- has indeed brought healing, as does much prayer and meditation. And reading the Word. Communication with God has been a great comfort, has eased my mind. Without being able to tend to my soul and the spiritual side of who I am, I would have been lost.
But I see now that much of the benefit from our Lord during these last few years has been to help keep me afloat through the storms, not to swim a marathon but to tread water as I heal and grow stronger. To bide my time and rest in Him until such time as He sets the next course.
The injuries are still deep and I expect to continue to struggle with the obstacles thrown in my path. But I feel something new in the wind, and I cannot put my finger on what.
I think it may be that I am finally beginning to truly let go and let God. I did begin this three years ago, but I now see it was too soon, I wasn't ready yet. I am only now seeing that I am reaching the point where the Holy Spirit will be able to not only enter me and heal me, but be able to move me. I feel God speaking to me in ways that let me know I am now to begin to let go of those last vestiges of my own will, parts that I thought I had already let go, and to give those over to God, truly and fully. It's scary, downrigth terrifying to me, someone who has been in command of my own destiny for much of my life, always knowing what my path would be and where I (thought) I wanted to go.
I learned to let go of myself and hitch my wagon to a common purpose when I got M'ed. I loved my W, and I was both happy and willing to bend my paths so that I could walk parallel with hers. But somewhere along the way I realized she had never done the same. That's where I got lost, and I got off my own life's path to satisfy her contradictory definitions of home, family, M, and obligation.
But am reaching a point now where I can see letting every last vestige go of myself and giving that over to God, to serve His will and not my own, is the only true path to joy and fulfillment. It is very scary, yes, or would have been up until now. I don't fear it anymore.
See, it is one thing to know something in your mind, to understand it, to feel it in your heart even. But it is another thing entirely to make it a part of you and to feel it in your soul. Only then does it become truly real for oneself.
I think I am arriving there at last. Another step along the path. I now find myself in patient anticipation of what lies just around this next corner, be it good or bad.
I totally understand, when I reached a new 'step' of understanding there was this new view of life, of my life, and the knwoledge that no matter what, God was/is in control, take care NC____))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I am at a strange point in my life this week. I don't know what's about to happen, but I sense a turning point. It's more internal than anything. I am unsure whether it is the beginning of a new "cycle" or that this is something different just starting to evolve within me.
NC, I felt that way once but it turned out to be gas. In all seriousness, what a wonderful post! Sometimes God works suddenly but I think that's a lot rarer than we think, usually He works in time. As you said, you were not ready three years ago when you started this journey, now may be that time. I too can't imagine what I would have done without faith and a church family over the past three years. I am thankful despite the loss and pain that lives on that I have a God to walk through it with. Once again, great post and thanks for sharing it.
