What am I supposed to do???

[Tay Tay]

This stuff isn't "control"; it's EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

Puppy

Puppy Dog Tails-that is absolutely true. There is no other phrase to call it but emotional abuse.

I have a question my 6 year old daughter came to me and said if my husband was going to come over and be with us during the hurricane. She asked me why he was not coming over. She then asked me had he called. Then she said that she knows that he is never coming home. Then she asked why isn't he coming home. Then she said can she have a picture of daddy in her room so she can look at him since he doesn't come over. Then she had this look on her face that I have never seen before and she gave me a hug. Should I let my husband know that the kids are going through this. My MIL said that I should take my husband to family court and have the judge order him visitation. She said that if he does not adhere to the visitation then he can be arrested. Is this true? What would yall do in this situation when your kids are hurting so badly? It would be different if he called and talked to them but he does not even do that. AND HE LIVES 5 MINUTES AWAY FROM ME!!!!!

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Tay,
so sorry for you and your kids, it is definitely a hard time for all of you.

I don't know the laws about visitation, butyou can't make your H come over to see the kids. It has to be his choice.

For me, quite frankly, I need to see my kids every week.
I don't understand why H don't want to see thier kids.

You can mention to your H that the kids are asking for him.
Ultimately, it a choice from your H.

[TimeHeals]

I don't know the laws about visitation, butyou can't make your H come over to see the kids. It has to be his choice.

Agree. The idea that a judge is going to force him to visit the kids (and you) sounds like a controlling move too, and it's likely to annoy a family court judge.

What the court will do is order child support if you don't already have that.

You have to get out of this tug-of-war with him where he tries to control you, and you try to control him.

Quite frankly, I don't know why you want to have a future with this man based on what you have shared with us, but that is your choice. I do know, however, that efforts to pull him back when he is being this way are doomed efforts, and you should put your energy to use where it matters: protecting your children and you and building a better life for your kids and yourself.

[Tay Tay]

gr8 day 2B alive and TimeHeals-I agree with both of you. He has to come and see them because he wants to. It is just so frustrating seeing my kids in pain because of his actions. Then he says that he is going to talk to them about leaving and he doesn't. His dad left him and his mom when he was young and he is doing the same to his kids.

[soleil]

Tay, I am really sorry to hear about your kids and what they are going through. You should tell them they're asking about him an tell him he needs to explain to them why he is not home.

soleil-By all that my husband is doing I am losing alot of love for him.

It's natural to feel that way. In fact it'd be weird if you felt love for him as he's saying to you that he is going to bed other women.

As for the control... he is trying to control you by trying to keep you around and calling you for things like picking him up whenever he needs it. Right now you are the fallback woman and he doesn't think you will never NOT be there for him. That is why you must go dark (which it sounds like you're doing with no contact). Good. He needs to know you won't stand for this BS. Which is exatly what it is... BS!

I don't know why he's trying to do this to you but it's NOT your problem. Let him wallow in his own self-destruction.

[Tay Tay]

soleil-I am going to tell him what the kids have said the next time I talk to him. I have told him somethings but it is not making a difference. I feel like I have always been the fallback woman. I feel like if he every really loved me he could have never done this to me. I am going to continue to go dark. I know I shouldn't feel like this but I cannot wait for him to fall on his face. When he does I know that he will think about how wrong he did me. I will laugh in his face because he is full of BS.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

2 tay

. I am going to continue to go dark. I know I shouldn't feel like this but I cannot wait for him to fall on his face. When he does I know that he will think about how wrong he did me. I will laugh in his face because he is full of BS.

Some people really need to hit rock bottom before they ever realize their actions. Going dark will speed the process for him.

As for laughing in his face, that's behavior unbecoming. You are better than that.
A simple smile will work too.

[Tay Tay]

gr8 day 2B alive-LOL I like that...I am going to be a lady and just smile. Thanks for that gr8 day 2B alive....I needed that laugh today.

[Butterfly1]

I don't know what state you are in, but in my state, the courts encourage 50-50 custody. They want the fathers in the children's lives (I have the opposite problem - my H is verbally and emotionally abusive but I am going to have to fight in court to get more custody!). I recommend talking to a lawyer and fast and see what they can do. They just may be able to compel the father to be in the children's lives. With legal or financial consequences if he doesn't obey.

[Tay Tay]

I don't know what state you are in, but in my state, the courts encourage 50-50 custody. They want the fathers in the children's lives (I have the opposite problem - my H is verbally and emotionally abusive but I am going to have to fight in court to get more custody!). I recommend talking to a lawyer and fast and see what they can do. They just may be able to compel the father to be in the children's lives. With legal or financial consequences if he doesn't obey.

Thanks for the advice. I don't want to make my husband see the kids but what am I supposed to do when the kids are crying for him. I was at the grocery store today and out of nowhere my daughter said "mommy I miss daddy when is he coming over". I told her the truth that I did not know. It is so sad.