MC appointment this week

[norstar]

Me and the wife are doing another MC session on Tues. Not sure what to talk about or how to start. Me and her have been discussing her affair. I am not sure she is truely understanding how deeply this hurt. We both have communication and control issues. I feel we have so much to work on but not sure how to approach it. On top of marital stress, work stress is at a high as well. That is why I have been doing IC for about 7 monthes now, to help cope with all the stresses in my life.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Maybe you could bring up the subject of your need for transparency from your wife, considering her affair? Not so much that you need to talk about the affair itself -- just your need for transparency now.

However, it sounds like your MC might not have your back on this subject, in which case I'd get another marriage counselor. Without someone specifically trained in dealing with infidelity, including treating it as an addiction (separating the addict from the source of their addiction, via no-contact letter and full transparency), I personally think the MCing will be fruitless.

Puppy

[Doodi]

I do hope the MC works. I know being overseas you may not have the best resources but you have to work with what ya got.

I agree with Puppy about the transparency. I've had to deal with it (or the lack of it) and if she isn't completely open and honest then you will always wonder.

Doodi

[norstar]

We only have been seeing this one for a couple sessions. She told us in the first visit that if we wanted out that we needed to tell her and she would help, but if we wanted to stay together we needed to make that whole heartedly. The last visit we were in a bliss like state, due to me outing her and she felt really sorry. I wonder about that sometimes. The hardest thing about MC is how often we get to see her. Being overseas there are less MC sessions. So at times it can be about a month before we can get in to see her. So when we do see her I want to make it count.

[Doodi]

Wow, sorry to hear it is so few and far between. I know sometimes weekly seems like too little for me because we need the middleman to help us stay focused. Keep doing all you can and try to have an idea what you want to talk about when you get to see the counselor so you don't waste your time on things that aren't of the utmost importance.

[norstar]

I know the EA is on the top of my list. Then communication and opening up. My W tends to shut down when she is upset or frustrated, she is getting better. My problem is I tend to push to hard making things be said in anger. I just wish she would go back to IC.

[norstar]

We get to see the MC next week. We talked mainly about threats, like leaving and taking the kids with us and our SL (sex life). We spoke together about her EA. She swears she has no contact and that she is very sorry. She also told me that she did not want to be flogged about her lying. But I tell her that it was something that really hurt me. I think we maybe getting somewhere. I guess time will tell.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She also told me that she did not want to be flogged about her lying.

A: "I wish I could believe that right now, I really do. Maybe if the MC can help us with a transparency plan, you won't have to feel 'flogged,' and I won't have to feel like I need to be the 'flogger' all the time."

[Puppy Dog Tails]

We spoke together about her EA. She swears she has no contact and that she is very sorry.

For the record, I still think she's lying to you about this.


Puppy

[norstar]

I rearmed myself to find out for sure.