so I finally texted the W, told her I will get the washer and dryer when my place is ready, she replied with I need somewhere to put mine> I said whoever delivers yours just ask them to set mine in the garage and I will pick them up. She replied O GOOD! which apartments I told her, she said those are really nice, she then asked if I am ready to get out of the house Im in: I respond ummmmm hell yes!!!!!! So we are communicating fine she seems to keep carrying on the conversation with questions, and then she just asked me to come to her house for dinner? I replied:
Thanks for the invite, enjoy time with your dad and the kids, I have to go meet with the girl at the complex to go over some stuff.
She replies he is already gone!! She knows he and I dont get along. But I was polite and told her Im sure the kids enjoyed their time with him. She then replies it sunday the office shouldnt be open.
I then said the leasing girl also lives there and said she wold come in today to go over stuff for me.
W: ok Me: I will call the kids later, enjoy the rest of your day off!
W: I never have a day off.
So what do you guys think?
She keeps extending me invites which is nice, but I keep turning them down. Should I do this? she hasnt seen me in 3 days, longest time not seeing each other in the last 3 years? At some point I need to accept an invite or she will stop asking me.But I think i am doing the mysterious thing pretty good, not at her beck and call, not being clingy at all. I did notice she started calling me once her dad left, kinda funny how that works.
I want to be cordial and friendly, which I feel I am being, but I dont want to be her BFF with a D pending. We are both good parents, I feel the next invite she gives me I will accept. But I have also read that in order to start again eith to stop D or even to imporve things after D, you have to be friends first.
Pin, I am all over the place still. She gets me angry, but at times we still make each other laugh, I think we both miss that. That is why I crack jokes via text at times when she starts contacting me.
I'm struggling with this as well DSH. My W wants to be super friendly and gives me hugs everytime I see her. Tells me love you on the phone as we're hanging up. But she doesn't want to be with me. So confused. I'm thinking she's the "I don't want to be with you because of the person you are right now" kind of WAW.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I'm definitely no expert in how to re-engage with a WAS. I do think friendship (in conjunction with a healthy romantic spark) is a great thing in a relationship. I just don't know how well it works as the first step in reconciling. Maybe someone else can weigh in.
For me, it's just hard as hell. I've been getting along with my W better than any time in the last 13 years. We laugh, we talk, we tell dirty jokes, but I think the spark has died out.
I think that accepting the next invite might be wise. If anything, it might give you and her a chance to reconnect. Just don't have any expectations. Let her come to you.
She has intitiated a few hugs, but no ILY or kisses. My W has laready filed, hell she has already bought a washer and dryer for her place now. 3 days ago she lights me up, I dont engage in it, I walk away, and today she is friendly.
In my case I feel my W is just wanting us to get along to be better parents and friends. Which I am ok with, but at the same time I am pretty dark, which seems to get her to reach out a bit more. I am not trying to read in to too much, but we can be friendly and good parents without talking and seeing each other frequently. She occupies her time with kids and work, Im sure it helps her stay focused on her, while at times when she calls and texts she still reaches out a bit.
Even if I got more mixed signals from her, she knows it will just confuse the situation even more, she still has feelings for me and has stated she will not let herself become vulnerable to me(when we were still in the same house) which tells me she is pretty set in her ways, whether she has second thoughts or not she will follow through with the D. Very bull headed and as Pin and I have discussed in the past, she almost acts like she is triyng to prove to me herself and everyone else that she can do this on her own.
She has intitiated a few hugs, but no ILY or kisses. My W has laready filed, hell she has already bought a washer and dryer for her place now. 3 days ago she lights me up, I dont engage in it, I walk away, and today she is friendly.
In my case I feel my W is just wanting us to get along to be better parents and friends. Which I am ok with, but at the same time I am pretty dark, which seems to get her to reach out a bit more. I am not trying to read in to too much, but we can be friendly and good parents without talking and seeing each other frequently. She occupies her time with kids and work, Im sure it helps her stay focused on her, while at times when she calls and texts she still reaches out a bit.
Even if I got more mixed signals from her, she knows it will just confuse the situation even more, she still has feelings for me and has stated she will not let herself become vulnerable to me(when we were still in the same house) which tells me she is pretty set in her ways, whether she has second thoughts or not she will follow through with the D. Very bull headed and as Pin and I have discussed in the past, she almost acts like she is triyng to prove to me herself and everyone else that she can do this on her own.
This shouldn't surprise you. Everyone wants to feel strong and independent.
Don't put too much weight into everything she said while leaving; a lot of it is what comic fans call retcon.
So I obviously didnt go to W's house for dinner. Ended up just going to a movie with a buddy tonight saw the other guys, frggin hilarious BTW. W started texting me with guy questions: fixing her thermostat, doing this and that, I tried to help her through text. Then I finally typed to her, you have the web and google your questions? after the movie, I sent her a text asking if S was still awake?
W: Nope... they have both been in a bed for a while. I will have them call you when they get up?
Me: OK
W: you all setup at your apt?
Me: Not quite its harder getting an apartment then it is renting a house.
W: Why?
W: dont they follow the same guidelines?
ME:Some yes some no, I was willing to pay a few extra months up front with a house, with the apartment a computer decides if you are a good tenant prospect.
W:O W: have you looked in here for a place? I looked at few others that were a bit smaller.
Me: I have to be more centrally located and I dont want to take care of a house right now.
W: Just a suggestion.....your suggestion
Me: Mine?
W: Its ok ..... I will talk to you tomorrow
Me: Ok
I dont know where she was going with this, other than going back to my "suggestion" that we handle this as a S and put D on hold. I feel she wants me to live closer to her, but I need to be firm and have my space as well. We had pleasant conversation today, no tension. I also had the letting them go speech with a buddy who has been on and off with his GF. Again feels good to share the wisdom learned from these boards.
You are doing good, but maybe you should leave her to wonder about a few of the details. She just does not need to know too much about what decisions you are making and why.
It is good that there is a lot less tension, and you should try to keep it within your boundaries. I would just make sure that she does not cross them.
It is great that you are passing on what you are learning here. I find it such a great place with wonderful people to help.
You are doing great!!!
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
