Back and a bit worse off

[Mach1]

Sorry for the interruption...

Eric...Fear...

[ericmsant2]

Still

Just checking in....how are you dude? Hopefully you can't speak as a result of way tooo much STFU....

Seriously dude - let us know how you are doing.

Eric

[Stilltrying68]

Hanging in there, Eric and DBers.

Was questioned about phone numbers I called, told to give over half my 401k, and pushed and pulled little bits.

I handled all quite calmly IIDSSM.

Results are that all above mentioned have resulted in either nothing or been recinded.

Today W is off, so it is her day with the kids and I am quiet. Looking forward to a trip to the pool and a bit of reading as I get ready for school to kick in next week.

Best,
EZ

[ericmsant2]

Still

You sound good buddy...be still (no pun intended) and wait and see what happens. Right now...keep looking at you.

God Bless,
Eric

[Bruce1]

Still:
Keep hanging in there, one day at a time. This is a long, tough road with many turns that you can't always see coming. It's essential to take time for yourself. You'll be a better person, and a better parent to your kids.

[Stilltrying68]

Been a while, and I have to say I have been good.

The W has been fishing. By this I mean that IMO she has been asking me questions about the past relationships I have had...what I did while we were dating...went through some phone records and asked me about a woman I was calling from school..and just been intentionally, I believe, being very hypocritical about our R.

This has been broken up with moments of, "I am sorry for everything I have done" comments and such. I really was able to stay away from the nastiness and keep things on a friendly level.

This morning, much earlier than her usual wake-up time I received a txt asking if I had ever called her friend Stan's secretary and asked if he was married.

I did this right when I had come back to the boards and entered the MLC area. I know quite stupid and childish ect ect, but can't change it now.

I did not really say yes or no but just asked why, when I am starting to get my life together she keeps bringing these things up. When she pressed I simply asked if she was free to discuss weekend scheduling for the kids. She told me, "thanks. Now I am WName* with the creepy ex." I replied simply, "What am I?"

I got no answer to that, but was asked not to do it again. I told her she was up early and that she should go make our children a nice breakfast.

I am now just sitting back and waiting. I know there are a bunch of She dids up there, but just wanted some vanting time. From going through others posts, I see this seems to be following the pattern. I have thought for some time and am now quite sure that my W will roll this around in her head until her behavior is minimized and mine is to blame.

I dread the day she may crash though, and the fact that I can never know when or if it will come. This is the next thing I seem to have to drop away.

Well, I am striving to focus on the three day coming up and I hope you all enjoy yours.

Best,
Still

[ericmsant2]

Still

The W has been fishing.

I call this....testing the waters. IMO she wants to see how much damage she has done. Guilt is a funny thing...it comes in waves and just when you do not expect it.

I believe, being very hypocritical about our R

Can you say.....looking for justification of her choices.

"I am sorry for everything I have done"

More guilt

I received a txt asking if I had ever called her friend Stan's secretary and asked if he was married.

Still...this is a very normal thing to do for someone who wants to CONTROL a sitch. What do YOU think she feels about this? Why would she feel upset about this? Do you think she is right to feel the way she feels about it?

but just asked why, when I am starting to get my life together she keeps bringing these things up.

Think about this statement....why do YOU have to tell her that you are getting your life together? Know why? Cause you getting a life as a tactic to get her back. If you really were enjoying your life...well then you could have not even asked HER why she was asking. I would have moved the conversation on to the kids.

but was asked not to do it again

Did she have a point Still. Was Still just trying to throw a little dart her way? Be respectful. No less - no more. Respect her as a woman and the mother of your kids.

I told her she was up early and that she should go make our children a nice breakfast.

Why does she need YOU to tell HER what to do. Think about this for a second....how would you like if SHE told YOU want to do. Personally, I can see how she could get annoyed by this comment. Still you need to understand that she need to make and own all of HER choices. She will decide to do whatever the hell she wants to do. When I read this it brought back my own experiences and interactions with my wife. The interaction are done "as if" you guys are still a couple. Think about this.

I am now just sitting back and waiting.

Other than "waiting"....what are you doing about YOUR issues. Are you spending any time in the mirror? Still this time is a gift. Your choice how you use it but I would suggest that you do not waste it.

I see this seems to be following the pattern. I have thought for some time and am now quite sure that my W will roll this around in her head until her behavior is minimized and mine is to blame.

Every MLC case is different...there can be similarities but everyone is different.

I dread the day she may crash though, and the fact that I can never know when or if it will come. This is the next thing I seem to have to drop away.

Why do you dread it? Afraid that if she crashes that she may still not come back? What will you do if she never comes back?

Yes you have no clue about the timeline so it is best to let go or as we say around here..."drop the rope".

Still - what do you hope to accomplish in the next 30 days?

Just asking...

God Bless,
Eric

[TimeHeals]

I replied simply, "What am I?"

If I had to answer that based on what you have posted here, I'd say "Insecure".

Why?

"thanks. Now I am WName* with the creepy ex."

Think of all the ways there is to respond to that.

How about, "I don't know. You don't seem that creepy to me. Maybe just a little, but in a sexy Elvira kind of way"

Flirting + teasing + intentionally mis-hearing what she said and turning it round = attractive

What's she gonna do? Bite your head off?

[Bruce1]

Still:
Eric is right. Drop the rope. Easier said than done, but I feel you will be better off if you do. This can be your time to grown into a richer, fuller life than you ever imagined. I'm not getting any sense that you are on that road. Of course, you don't have to air your personal growth insights with us if you don't want to, but are you gaining any insights into who you are? Are you gaining any insights into the forces that have shaped your life, your relationship with your wife?

There's no magic time frame for that journey. I'm not saying you should have answers now. They come in different ways for different people. But if you don't find them, you will not learn what you need to learn from this crisis. One of the most powerful messages I ever read on these boards was in effect to ask us LBS to figure out the reason we got to where we are. If we think it's all about our spouses, we are grossly mistaken. We have lessons to learn. Your W may never learn hers, or she may learn them too late to save your marriage. But the one person you can save is you. Take care.

[ericmsant2]

Still

We have lessons to learn.

Very good advice up there ^^^

You finally start to look inside and you will be amazed at what you find. Amazed.

Eric