MLC, H and me continued...learning and living

[newmama]

Isn't that Black Eyed Peas song terrific? So uplifting and makes you feel good!

I know what you mean about missing help with the manly jobs. So what if we can do it ourselves...help is HELP! You know?

Glad to hear the last year has flown by for you. So, even with the saddest news and heartbreak from the bomb, your last year went by fast. That means next year will only go by faster!

[courageous wife]

Hi GAG and NM!!!

The thankfullness journal really does help doesn't it?

Yes NM! I love that song too! First heard it a Jazzercise...it really does left you up and it great to keep a walking "beat"

Heard another MLC story today at work. The other gal that I work with's client was telling this story about how she and her Mom, tailed this woman who is having an A with their friend. Their friend has been M 32yrs...her and her H are both in their 50's. She started describing how her parent's and the other couple always did things together and now he hardly talks to them and is running around with people in their 30's. He is spending money like crazy and is starting another business on top of what he already does. Said he looks terrible! Their youngest just left for college.

She said the W was going to see a L in a couple of days...

She joked about how they think it is a MLC and so I finally jumped in, after sitting there quietly listening and recommended she tell the W to read Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway and said that it really did sound like he was having one. She asked me to write it down...

The whole time, the gal I work with kept looking over at me as she knows what I have been going through...

[courageous wife]

Looking for some advice!

The last meeting I had with H, I asked him to take over one of our credit card payments. I had a form for him to fill out taking my name off of the credit card...he said he would. WELL, he hasn't and it is now 2 payments behind and I am getting the phone calls. I should have had him fill out the form and sign it while he was here but didn't.

This is my fear (yes, a fear!)...

I have been basically dark or very dim...not calling H at all unless it is an issue with the kids or we have a question about operating something around the house...or that something isn't working. To me, WE, the kids and I represent "problems" for him...we are told to be the better option but how can I be that if I have to call and ask for his help or if I am calling about money issues? Is this making any sense?

[LanceSijan]

CW, this credit card transfer is a boundary?

Yes. You need to enforce it.

Break you dark/dim for this. Enforce this boundary.
At least that is MHO.

You can try to do it gently the first time(or second in this case) but you must protect your finances.

[courageous wife]

Thanks for your respons Lance...

What if I say this

Me-Hi H...Visa company has been calling and they have not received a payment yet. Will you be able to take care of it?
I wish I could help but getting the kids ready to go back to school has tapped me out..

H told the kids he couldn't help with school supplies cause he was broke.

[LanceSijan]

That is a start.

I would also get another copy of the form and have him do it in front of you so YOU can send it in

We use to make our teenage son(now 22) do that stuff all the time.
He is ADD and gets to things when he feels like it.

No difference IMHO

[courageous wife]

Well, called and left a message cause of course H didn't answer. Said what I planned out but added a stupie "hope all is ok" at the end and thanks. (kicked my own butt for that)

Would it be wrong to give the visa company H's contact number?

Lance, I am not surprised that he hasn't paid it...even if he had money, he'd blow it off...that is why I want my name off of it! I will get another form.

[punkin]

Courageous,

Been catching up on your thread this a.m. I've been feeling a bit better after my latest roller coaster ride, and want to give advice and support where I can.

Get your name off those cards. If your H won't do it, then call the companies, tell them you will not be responsible for H's debts. In my state, it is not uncommon for a person to print in a local newspaper " effective 44-44-4444 I will not be responsible for any debts other than my own. Signed, weoriuweoru.
Don't know if that is effective where you live, hell, I don't know where you live. Give companies HIS number and ask them to take you off the list. Lie to them if you have to. Tell them you've been released of responsiblity by a judge. If this is not an effective means in your state, you may need a L to write the letter, even a judgement or ruling by a judge if necessary.

As for the 'manly' jobs. Being an Army wife all these years, I find there isn't much I can't do myself if I put my mind to it. At last I can read directions and follow them. The internet is great for that. My last moment of great pride was when I re-screened a door all by myself.

As for neighbors, there is nothing like them. Before we moved to the sticks, I referred to my next door neighbor as 'my other husband'. He even taught my two oldest to tie their shoes as they were both left handed, and so was he. It was all backwards to me, a right hander.

Isn't it odd that we all seem to be going through this at the same time? I'm starting to believe in plantary alignment.

Hang in there. By the way, eHow is a great site for finding out how to do things.

[courageous wife]

Hey punkin!

You sound good! Yeah...it has been rough this last week but getting better!

I did call the cc company and they sent me a paper for him to sign but he hasn't yet. DIL has his address so guess I will get that and call them and give it to them and ask for another paper in the meantime!

I don't plan to involve my L unless it comes down to that being all that I can do.

Too bad you have moved so far away from having neighbors...would be nice to have your "second husband" right now!

Thanks for the tip on on the dyi website!!! Hope you have good weekend!

[courageous wife]

I thought my cainer horoscope for tomorrow was interesting!



Things can't carry on in the same old way. And they won't. So don't expect them to. If you are trying to prevent a change from happening, let it happen and trust that you will be okay with what it leads to. If you are trying to bring a change about, stop pushing quite so hard. Sooner or later, it is going to take place naturally. Not happy with this advice? Then either you are being unnecessarily anxious or you are dealing with something deeply serious. If it's the former, relax! If it's the latter, be brave. There will be movement soon enough and you won't have to force it to happen. You'll just have to gently steer a process that has a natural momentum of its own. .. now, it's nearly September.



Did I mention I am getting trim in my bathroom after 9 YEARS?? Yeah!!! Can't wait!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!