It actually embarasses me to read your advice Coach. My W had tried that same approach before WA. I didn't listen, I didn't see. I understand it now, boy do I ever.
Hopefully I am presented with the option to LISTEN again, one day.
Most folks that have Passive Agressive behaviour, don't even realize it - until it impacts their lives..or its too late. It is nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you can admit it and learn how to deal with it...improve it. There are usually some underlying causes for it...some IC and research will help.
"I don't think I understand, tell me another way."
"What I hear you saying is..."
"Tell it to me like I am a 3rd grader."
Use "I" statements not "you" statements.
Sometimes when the conversation is very emotional he gets flustered when I don't get what he means straight away. I try to gently tell him that I'm not inside his head and I need him to explain so that I understand, but it doesn't usually work very well. Also, quite often if I ask him an open question he will just say "I don't know". This is why I try to sort of feed in possible answers so that he can choose one and explain on it instead of just saying IDK.
Originally Posted By: Coach
Quote:
I asked if I could ask him something and he said that this conversation was over. Then I said something on a different topic but he dismissed me.
OK, that is his problem, he's passive-aggressive.
"When you dismiss me like that I feel _______________. In the future I would appreciate it if we could continue having a dialouge. This is hurting our relationship."
Let him know what behavior is unacceptable to you ("I").
I don't know if it makes a difference, but he dismissed my attempts to start conversation about something else. In other words he didn't want to continue talking to me anymore in that moment. Is that something that I can say is unacceptable to me? Wouldn't it be forcing him to keep on talking despite the fact he doesn't want to?
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
Is that something that I can say is unacceptable to me?
Do you like being treated that way?
Quote:
Wouldn't it be forcing him to keep on talking despite the fact he doesn't want to?
He's a big boy let him decide what he wants to do.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I would much prefer if it didn't happen, but I'm trying to be realistic and look at it if the roles were inversed: if he said something that unsettled/upset me I could possibly want to drop the subject and take a break in talking altogether until I get over that feeling.
Is that a wrong way to look at it?
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
if he said something that unsettled/upset me I could possibly want to drop the subject and take a break in talking altogether until I get over that feeling.
Is that a wrong way to look at it?
Only if your life never has any unsettling/upsetting topics.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I get it. It's avoiding and we're both really good at it.
I don't want to talk about it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
NO, that's not what I mean. Don't put words in my mouth. This conversation is over.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
