I've been reading along as always. Just wanted to jump in re EPL which I read pre-bomb (oh,I sometimes refer to things as Pre-Bomb and Post-Bomb just for kicks). The main character (I forget her name) was a WAW. She was very unhappy in her M and wanted out. She dropped the bomb on her H from what I remember.He was devastated, although there is little of that in the book which is HER story, after all. After several international travels and soul searching she found herself and love. It was an interesting read and I plan to see the movie just to see how the WAW aspect of it is presented. It was interesting to readhow trapped and suffocated a person could feel in a M and now it will be more interesting to see the movie. People seem to think it is courageous to walk when you don't feel the love but we know it is courageous to stay and at least ATTEMPT to work at it.
Sounds like you have some good plans for your time off. This is your life, Rocked! And you will continue to Rock It!!! CB is right...use this time to get stronger. I have been getting strong this summer by listening to girl anthems to reinforce to myself how fabulous and fierce I am and by working out hard at the gym.Keep rockin your world ...I love your new signature.
Hope you enjoy tomorrow, nonethless. As I like to say, there is no way to get through it but to get through it. Buy yourself something new... maybe a "new life" present. I am a firm advocate of retail therapy.
Since you ask about EPL, I just wanted to point out that when Elizabeth Gilbert feels that her marriage won't work out (and she never really explains why, just all the gut-wrenching pain & misery she feels as a result), she starts by diving into an affair. I just wanted to warn you about that, because I know what a sensitive area it is to all of us here!
The book is an easy read, and has useful parts for anyone who is turning her life around, but if you're likely to be frustrated by a writer who is totally caught up in the minutia of her own emotions, you might be better off with the movie than the book....
I am actually doing pretty well today so I think I will try the movie.
Had a great IC session in which I took CG's advice and really focused on creating an anniversary of my commitment to myself. I felt strong and empowered at the end of the session.
Also had breakfast with a good friend this morning. She gave me a card in which she wrote the following:
"Rocked,
Today I celebrate you and the incredible difference you have made. I celebrate you and all you've done, and share your deep deep sorrow in not getting the chance to celebrate and recognize these things with Mr. Rocked. Not fair. So unjust. So sad. But, you, my dear, and all you are and have given is a celebration! 20 years is a long time... and you have been a truly faithful and devoted wife. You are a mom full of love and care for her children. You have given your whole self making a difference to your family. You honored your promise and I celebrate that today. Today is not what it should be. Its not what you deserve. I'm so sorry, Rocked. Wishing you peace, care and comfort especially today. You are loved Rocked. Rocked's Friend."
I choose to celebrate me today too. Who I was in my M, who I am today, my ongoing commitment to my kids, and to myself.
Fantastic message in your card what a dear friend, my BFF sent me a little card the other day which was so sweet about friendship and knowing we are always there for each other, she was there for me last year and always, unfortunately its my turn as her mum has just been diagnosed with cancer but its an honour and a privilege as Im sure it is for Rocked's friends! (())
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Today I celebrate you and the incredible difference you have made. I celebrate you and all you've done, and share your deep deep sorrow in not getting the chance to celebrate and recognize these things with Mr. Rocked. Not fair. So unjust. So sad. But, you, my dear, and all you are and have given is a celebration! 20 years is a long time... and you have been a truly faithful and devoted wife. You are a mom full of love and care for her children. You have given your whole self making a difference to your family. You honored your promise and I celebrate that today. Today is not what it should be. Its not what you deserve. I'm so sorry, Rocked. Wishing you peace, care and comfort especially today. You are loved Rocked."
What a wonderful friend! You are blessed.
Originally Posted By: rockedHERworld
I choose to celebrate me today too. Who I was in my M, who I am today, my ongoing commitment to my kids, and to myself.
Amen.
Peace,
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
How come guys can never write nice thoughtful stuff like that? Sometimes I wish I was a girl...I'd be one happy girl for sure- for more reasons than one
KR, hope you're doing well!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
How come guys can never write nice thoughtful stuff like that? Sometimes I wish I was a girl...I'd be one happy girl for sure- for more reasons than one
KR, hope you're doing well!
Romeo... guys CAN write stuff like that! Not buyin' it.... lol
About being a happy girl.... hmmmm..... very curious comment indeed! You might have to expand on that.
I am doing pretty well... most days.
Had a wonderful weekend away in the mountains, which included a two hour hike to a beautiful waterfall. I felt alive, at peace and renewed.
Then, I came home to D14 questioning whether she might choose to live with her Dad. That has had me in turmoil for the past few days.
My H is staying in the house, in a small town about a half hour drive from the city I am moving into. This is where I work, and will no longer have the long commute. I am temporarily living with my parents until I can get on my feet and get my own place. The original plan was that the kids would live with me there. This means changing schools.
S16 was all for this right from the start. He loves the idea of changing to the city school because of all the sports opportunities. D14 has struggled with the idea of leaving her friends. Of course. I have told her all along I completely understood that.
After many discussions, some tears, and a lot of anxiety on my part.... as well as a long and suprisingly productive convo with H.... we seem to have reached a compromise.
D14 will still change schools into the city where I am living, but will live "most of the time" in small town with H. H also works in the city, so he can drive her in to school in the mornings. She can take the bus to my parents home where I can see her every day after school, and then H picks her up to take her home with him. She will be with me some weekends as well. This way she still sees her friends in small town a lot.
I have agreed to this... because I think once she starts at the city school, she will begin making new friends, and will end up being with me more and more. It will help her transition.
Whew.... this has been a roller coaster week so far.
I will try to post something about my convo with H later... still processing it.
Glad to hear you reached a good compromise with D14's living arrangement. Your thinking sounds valid that if her premise for wanting to stay with H is her existing friends then this arrangement should help her with the transition.
Also realize that kids at different stages in their lives favor different parents. I've heard the early teen years for girls can be tough as-is. They also tend to become rebelious around this age and like to draw attention to themselves by doing unexpected things or disrupting plans etc. Have you considered finding a D counselor who specializes in helping teens adjust to the change?
Oh my comment about me wanting to be a girl...let's just say it's a good thing I'm not or I'll love myself way too much!
(((KR)))
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I have been a busy girl and MIA around here I guess!
Hmmmm....what's new in my world?
Well.... the past week was an absolute roller coaster with D14. She had trouble adjusting to the new school, missed her old friends like crazy, and cried mountains of dramatic teenage tears begging and pleading with me to let her go back to her old school. So, I had to find that balancing act we parents do between being supportive and firm.
The good thing is her Dad backed me up, and between the two of us we seem to have finally convinced her to stay at the new school.
There is actually progress with H. We are getting along fine for a separated couple I suppose. I think that (typical of WAS fog) he hadn't really thought through what it would be like to see all my clothes, personal items etc gone. It hit him hard. He has cried a few times in the past week. In over 20 years with this man I rarely saw him cry.
He has been honest that he has "wavered" about whether this is the right choice. I have told him that doesn't matter any more. I am no longer "wavering". He was not willing to do what I needed him to do to heal from the A and rebuild trust. He has given me no indication he would be willing to do that now.
It's sad that a WAS sometimes sees these things in hindsight when it can be too late for the LBS.
But, for the most part... I am doing well. I can see hope for my future. My PMA is good. I have waves of sadness still at times, and the pain, hurt, anger sometimes still pops up when I think about everything that has happened. But, it's not as intense and passes more quickly.
Overall, life is good. Life is a gift and I plan on embracing that gift as much as possible.
