Reconnecting - Do they know?

[hopingforchange]

Nothing much to report since my last post.
It seems his visit back in September was another touch and go, however since then, the anger seems to have disappeared.

H has kept in contact by text. Some days up to 20 texts, but he does withdraw sometimes for up to 6/7 days at a time.
He has reconnected with friends again, and he has also reconnected with S. He has started to take him on trips out again which i am pleased about.

OW is still present. Really thought that would have ended by now.
I cannot work him out at the moment, and I am not sure where 'nice H' fits into the MLC journey. Is it part of the awakening process, or is he really happy with his life.
I know he is still in Replay, but does the Nice H come at the end of Replay?

Thanks for listening

[Cadet]

I know he is still in Replay, but does the Nice H come at the end of Replay?

After replay they go into OW withdrawal, depression , and withdrawl stage.
The replay antics, clothes, spewing, subside.
Whether you can classify them as NICE.
I would say that depends on the person.
They still have issues to resolve.
Some of it may depend on the replay antics and the type of MLC.
There is still lots to resolve once replay ends.

I will say that the first three stages, including replay are running away.
The last three stages are rebuilding.

There is a recent thread here on the final stages of MLC that Upside started.
Maybe that would give you more insight.
Also the reconnection thread in the resources.

[Cadet]

He remains with OW.

I will try to answer your qustion from "Upsides" thread.

Her husband was in true Withdrawal stage.
Your husband is in replay.
There is a little difference between the actions of the LBS between these stages.

While your husband is in REPLAY there is really nothing you can DO that will move him through his crisis any faster.
You can DETACH and get on with your life and hope and pray that he will make it through.

In UPSIDES case he may have been stuck in withdrawal stage. So the divorce may have pushed him a little bit to get unstuck.
I do not believe that you can push your MLC'er at any other time.

I hope that explains it a little better.

This is all explained in the thread that I mentioned in the previous post.

[Kimmerz]

Hey hope....I have those links in "insights to self through MLC"... it's on page 3. One is the characteristics/symptoms of MLC, and then the other is the stages. Both are excellent, and very informative and helped me tremendously.

Take a look.

Kimmerz

[angel61]

Yes, I believe nice H comes back gradually.

Also the rollers coaster gradually slows down, and changes to a baby coaster.

Reconnection is a good sign. I think it is a sign that they are losing their fear of being judged. For my H, one of the big signs for me was when he confided to his brother about what he is going through. To me, it meant that his decision to stay with us was definite, and that he was no longer afraid of the fallout between him and his family as he was making the "right decision" in their eyes.

In my case, OW has decided to go back to her home country. I think H at first went through a denial stage, then depression, and now I see him gradually accepting and sloooowly letting go. He even has admitted to me that his feelings for OW has waned, and asked me to just let him handle it his way, and that it will just die a natural death. He actually told me that whenever I do something to try to control the situation, it just makes him feel rebellious and want to go back to OW. He said that had I just let it go months ago, he might have been over it by now.

So while not yet out of Replay, I would estimate that my H is just about to exit it.

Weird that he can know it but not control it, eh?

Anyway, I hope this helps you to detach and keep going.....