Sorry to hear about the ring thing dude. I know how it hurts. Mine took off the ring the day after the bomb, then put it back on a few months later. I thought she had turned the corner that is until I found out that she was dating a married man so then I realized why she put it on. She wanted to go out with him and they could both play married.
Look man - you have a lot of [censored] that is going to be coming at you in the next few weeks and months. A lot. Stay strong. Now is the time for Still to really figure what Still's life will look like in the next few months. Your focus REALLY should be on Still and Still alone.
Hey, your not the conductor the train buddy. You are on the train but right now she is driving and I am sure that it's scares the shi* out of you. It is this fear that you are going to have to face. It is not easy dude - but your gonna have to look at it right in the eye and face it.
Re: the mortgage company or anything else that she wants to do...I would say this. Get a L - do not agree to anything. Do not think that she is going to be "nice" - she is going to do what she feels she needs to do. She is not going to be thinking about poor Still. So what does Still do then?
Here is really hard part. IMO you have a few options. Still can fight back really hard, get pissed off, doing things to make her pay, be a royal pain in the as* OR Still can say, the regardless of what anyone tells you - that you will do this with honor and dignity. Things that no one can take from you. It is your call buddy.
FTR, honor and dignity are the not the same as bending overbackwards and taking it in the a** - No it is very simple - Do what YOU feel is right and do it from a place of love and compassion. No more no less...that my friend is honor and dignity.
Your gonna get pissed, your gonna hurt man - sorry I could lie to you but I am not a liar. You will get thru this dude - you will.
My heart goes out to you Still. Keep your head up and be true to the person that Still wants to be.
God Bless Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Still: The ring hurts; sorry it's happening to you. Eric has given you some good advice unvarnished. This is no time for wishful thinking. You only know what you know, and that means you don't project things to be better than they are, but also refrain from projecting things to be worse than they are. It's very easy to do both; we then seek evidence to confirm what we believe to be true. All you can do is watch and react to her actions. They might change on a dime, and you can't control it.
The best you can do is to be there for her if she does shift and want to work on your M, but if she wants out she's gonna find a way. That sucks, but that's the reality of it. You must take care of you, in all facets of your life, and work on yourself. That is what you can control. Look inward and see what needs to change so that you can live the life you want. She has to decide whether she wants to come on that ride with you. You don't get to make that decision, I'm sorry to say. It hurts losing who we thought we were. But I, and many others who have been down this road, affirm that who you can be in the future just might be far better than you ever thought possible. Life can get deeper, richer as a result of this. Resolve that you will be not just OK, but have a wonderful life no matter what happens here. I'm not saying that every day is easy, but you can live a more meaningful life. I wish you well; these boards are a wonderful resource. Continue to rely on people here, and on your personal friends too.
It was a blow when I realized my H wasn't wearing his ring. I continued to wear mine for about a week and then decided to take mine off as well. It seemed the right thing to do. I'm still standing for my marriage but I didn't want a visual reminder for him to see that I was still "hanging on". I'm not sure how others feel about that; I guess it's a personal issue and depends on the state of relationships. But it made sense for me even though I found it a very sad thing to do.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
My H had worn his off and on for our entire marriage due to his job requirements. I always wore mine, until the last few years when I had gained weight that made the rings uncomfortable. I asked about having them stretched, I hadn't gained that much, just 15 pounds or so. Now, I've lost 28 and the rings won't stay ON my fingers, even if I wanted them to.Took to wearing my class ring on that finger.
Still, I know it hurts, but keep in mind, it's just a ring, and can't hurt you unless you let it. It doesn't prove or disprove anything. She could be doing it just to see if you notice. A jab, so to speak.
Ring is off due to combination of factors you all mentioned.
Something happened during the last few days and the desperation and utter "looking into the abyss" feelings seems to have subsided a great deal.
Helped that I had the kids and headed to friends house for R&R and some good inter-family fun. It was nice getting up early in the morning, grabbing a coffee and listening to the waterfall from their pond. The serenity is something I enjoyed, and maybe even a bit of the solitude.
Have to get myself one of those mood fountains!
I will keep you all up to date as things move along.
Supposed to have a sit down with the W this evening to go over money matters and some other items.
Text this morning..."I am sorry I failed you." I replied with question mark and followed with a, "We will talk tonight."
"Talk later"/ "Need time to reply", "I need to think" has been one of the wife's mantras as she ripped my heart out and I assumed the grovel position over the past couple of months.
W followed with "I was so unhappy. I never really sat down and told you that."
A week ago this would have sent me on an emotional spin and to my keyboard with a well thought out reply on how we could still talk about things like that.
Now...nothing much. I just do not feel the need to even respond to it. I figure if she wants to say something tonight then I will listen and validate, but I hope I can hold this for a while. I find it quite nice to be able to keep from snapping TGrit's obligatory rubberband (a sillybandz from my daughter) and still keep composed and ...still.
