I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

I know you didn't ask me, but this is what I think:

when I like a guy, I want to know he likes me. I know he will like me when he does call me or text or email. HOWEVER
if the guy is texting me constantly throughout the day, barf! If he calls and I don't get back to him right away, and before I get a chance to reply HE CALLs then that is a turn off.

BUt I like regular contact! That is me.

[newmama]

The trick is taking your ego out of the equation by really focusing on the other person and whether or not they are acting interested instead of focusing on your own interest all of the time.

Of course, don't get deeply involved with somebody you aren't interested in just because they are interested in you either.

I agree with this....it makes sense to me that we have to see if they are interested by their actions and behavior. We also need to be aware of whether we are playing a chase game and that is the draw. But that has never been MY problem, lol! I suspect it happens to men a lot.

[newmama]

Maybe I am too skeptical but really... if a guy called me on a Sunday night to come over I would say buzz off. And if I didn't say buzz off and I did go and we "watched a movie" and I didn't hear from him again... um, no. My text would be: I'd like my ring back, when can I expect that to happen?

But what if you just wanted a fling...

[CityGirl]

See, I don't see it as a game or a chase or anything like that. IMO it's just about manners and to me I equate manners with the man making the first move.

Maybe I just need to become more "modern" in my thinking!

[TimeHeals]

So there's this poster named Timeheals. He addresses me as "she" instead of saying "Newmama, I don't like how you are doing all of the...etc." He means well although sometimes I get a little defensive because she doesn't think Timeheals trusts her ability to handle life. LOL! Isn't it ANNOYING to be talked about? Please address me directly

LOL. I was replying to CG If it makes you feel any better, I sort of think of you like a little sister (in internet land), so I am probably a bit over-protective

[newmama]

Do you 2 talk about your pace? Is it known you are just progressing as friends?

[CityGirl]

Well, I can honestly say I have never had a fling and the idea of a fling is not appealing to me at all.

I am quite happy "alone". I have really amazing friends I cherish each day, my family is nothing short of the best people on Earth, I have a cool old dog and all my activities and my work.

I think there is something lovely and delightful about getting to know a new person. But at this stage of my life I would have to be very interested initially to WANT to get to know somebody better. For me the process would need to be very slow which I guess is part of the beauty of it all. To me a fling sounds stressful and not something that would add any value to my life. I mean who doesn't like sex? Of course I like sex! But I also sort of view sex as something that is very sacred. And I do equate a fling with sex so it's all very foreign to me.

This is coming from a woman who was ENGAGED to be married and my teeny tiny southern mama would not allow my FIANCE in my bedroom before marriage. And trust me, you don't cross her

I sort of admire how open you are to trying new things, putting yourself out there and trying new approaches. If a fling makes you feel how you want to feel then FLING away, girl!

[CityGirl]

I don't see why any discussion is necessary about the pace Kerry and his friend are progressing. If they enjoy one another and the process of getting to know one another why does it have to be defined and discussed? Why can't it just *be*?

I am actually really trying to understand why that would come up?

God, I think I need more help than what is available!

[smith18]

You are so correct CityGirl! I dont want to be in one of those relationships where one of us eventually has to say "so where are we?". I just enjoy her company right now.

[newmama]

See, I don't see it as a game or a chase or anything like that. IMO it's just about manners and to me I equate manners with the man making the first move.

I like that! Manners. Not games!! But also, once I think people are in exclusive relationships, we don't worry about games. We are more comfortable (supposed to be--I need to learn how) to express feelings and needs.