tired of this

[pookie69]

Oh boy,

This is hitting me too close for comfort. I feel for you my friend.

I am approaching the possibility of a similar event. My W also has health concerns. The symptoms point at MS and the doctors have not done serious testing yet.

It scares her and scares me too. I held cool last time she was talking about it as well as the first time she told me. I am also afraid that heavy DB would backfire once the diagnosing gets more serious.

For some reason doctor is reluctant to push ahead with diagnosis and she is so scared that she does not even want to know.

I have a deadline coming up for telling her what I want to do about the separation. The situation makes is so much harder to decide exactly what to tell her.

If it was me in her shoes and I did not feel love any more, I would still appreciate a long time "friend" to stand beside me while I am going through the health crisis.

I would like to put the R talks on hold but she is demanding an answer by the early September and I just don't know what to do.

Hang in there.

I did not mean to hijack your thread here, but your situation is so similar to mine.

Let us know how things work for you. I'll be visiting here often.

[A_goodman]

Ok, I guess I had a supply of fears left after all. You guys are the BEST. I'm glad it was you dear friends that helped me find them. I aM
very unsure of myself and of what I should be doing minute to minute.

So far, just today we've had a 45 minute running argument, followed by the quiet contemplation of Mass. Then friendly chatter afterwards with friends and a mad dash yo the mall to outfit S12 for some cotillion program she signed him
up in. We got him home and dressed and we shared a wonderful moment of wonder at how our little man is growing up. This all following her staying out past 2:00 am last night. (it was a previously scheduled 40th birthday party for one of her friends)

all along the crazy roller coaster ride, I've felt totally out of place. I'm spending twice as much mental energy as I did at the beginning. Now I'm trying to figure her out as well as trying to juggle db and co
passion and not knowing what to do or say.

The troubling thing for me was that as much as I need Him now, I could not seem to pray today at church. I haven't lost faith. I know he will hear and answer my prayers. I just couldn't focus on what to pray for. I knew what it ought to be, but couldn't concentrate on it or ask for it. I'm not a good man at all, maybe the crisis is with my faith in myself. I was desperate for peace and knew all I had yo do was reach out gor it but couldn't.

I found myself incriminating myself for some really terrible thoughts that have run through my head these two days. Immense guilt, but I haven't been able to set up barriers to them. I can conciously stop them, but can't keep them from creeping in.

I need yo pick the rope back up and show her love and compassion, but I've been so sure dropping it was right that I am almost afraid of it.

This is almost incomprehensible babble, but it's what is driving my madness right now.

I love you people. Thank you for helping and caring about me. I know you will be there because you were there at the lowest point I'd ever known before. And now that the bottom fell out. I truly appreciate seeing you reaching out a hand to me.

Thank you for your prayers too. Maybe they will protect me until I find mine again.

Oh, pup I always dreamed of earning the "four whistles", who'da thunk it would be for something crazy like this.

Thanks again. I'll stay posted.

[A_goodman]

Pook,

I'm sorry to admit I haven't ever dropped by your thread. I guess I don't have much time and sometimes bounce over the long ones if I haven't been following from the beginnig. That is stupid. Especially since I'm always telling everyone to READ, read, read. I appreciate the post and am really sorry you are in a similar boat. I will go read your whole thread ASAP. We may become the two amigos in this. It will be good for both of us to have the other out there trying to find ways to cope and in my case anyway, you will be certain to learn lots of things not to do by the numerous mistakes I'm sure to make.

God bless.

[pinhead]

Goodman,

Here's my daily (sometimes hourly) prayer:

Lord, grant me the clarity to see the path you've set before me, the courage to shoulder my burdens, the strength to support me on my journey, and your love that buoys me when I grow weary.

I wouldn't be in a huge hurry to pick up the rope. You can show compassion and love without the rope. Find your path.

[MM78]

My gut would be to tell you to support yourself and support your sons and be there and be open if she comes to you for help or support given her health situation. Even then I'd be strong and try not to be weepy. Maybe affirmation if she needs it like 'we will get you through this'.

I could be all wrong though. My thoughts are with you.

[A_goodman]

Pin, thanks for the prayer. It's soon to be memorized. You'd think as a catholic I'd have thought of reciting the standards from memory. I'm still confused.

MM78, good advice. I know because it mirrors puppy's. I am trying to work out some kind of strategy. Being available and strong are definately the n
main features.

I read my last post over. It was more coherent than I thought at the time. One typo changed the whole tenor though. I meant to say I'd found my "tears" again. Not "fears" although that fits too.

Tomorrow will be strange. I think I'm going to modify my approach. I plan on calling at least once a day and will open the email gates a little. I'll start forwarding funny things to her. Used to do it a lot but stopped when I went dark. I will also answer all communications in real time. I will not totally un-detach all the way. No pointless calls. No hanging on. No pursuit or appeals yo her emotions in any way. But she's down and scared and 1) any humor can't hurt. 2) I want her to stop worrying about whether I'll be there for her during this.

I don't know whether this is the best thing for M or if it will actually help put her mind at rest or not. I fully expect to wear out my spew raincoat. I know that all my strides in self respect and confidence will be tested mightily, but that the improvement in those fields was real and tangible. Those will be my weapons in this. Whatever stores of strength I've stocked up will be all that I have.

I will not initiate any R talk, but will be totally open and available if she does. I will not be weepy. It will not help either of us. She needs me to be the rock. But I fully expect her to rail against it and try to break me down. It is her way. She will try to controll her emotions by projecting them onto me and then attacking them.

I have found my prayer voice. I pray that she let's me in to perform this one act of love for her even if it destroys us both. I pray for strength and most of all wisdom. I pray for aid in formulating a plan of action and for guidance so I don't screw it up.

I pray that God will please protect my Boys. That he will help me see his will and accept it.

And I pray that he watches over you, my friends.

Cheers.

[Coach]

AG, How do they make you bond together in the military? You need to be there for your wife right now. She will push you, spew on you and test your resolve. That's her way of seeing whether or not you can withstand all her feelings - she has a lot of feelings right now. You love her by taking care of business - the kids, school, attending Dr visits, being a lightning rod for her feelings (don't tolerate CB though), and leading.

Show her what your family means to you in a time of crisis, show her that you can carry on and carry her at the same time, pray with her and your kids, show her that you can handle this - this is attractive and will create a emotional connection.

Strength and Honor.

Coach

[LRT Land]

Goodman - are you doing okay?

[A_goodman]

You know, I think I am. Not sure how, but my emotions have grown very steady. I'm a different person for some reason. I have been cheerful and, well myself around her this week. But the new me, not the old one.

She seems to be less concerned than I am. The dr.s want her to get one more preliminary test before they go ahead with the surgury. so far, she's not followed up on it. Usually she'd have had it scheduled the next day, but she's dragging her feet. It's an invasive test, and they give it only a small chance of finding some unanticipated cause for the problem, so I guess it makes sense she isn't too excited about it, but it seems like a logical course of action to get this done ASAP.

I don't know. I'm sure she's scared to find out for sure, but this ostritch act is very unlike her and also difficult to watch. I've asked her a couple of times if she's been given further instructions, but am really trying not to push the issue. It's hers and I guess the right thing to do is let her deal with it in her own way.

That's the only source of stress right now for me. I'm there and willing to help however she desires it. I think totally ignoring the R has freed me up to just be the man I would be if this (R problems) hadn't all happened. There've been a couple of minor spew sessions about unrelated things. My wave and smile approach has diffused them easily (Thank You Pup for the visual. It's helped a lot)

I have no illusions. We are still broken, but it doesn't really matter to me that much anymore. Very strange territory.

Thank you all for the care and help.

[pinhead]

Goodman

I'm glad you're flying level...