Thanks Grit, Punkin (appreciate that insider info...the Oprah mafia is going to put a hit out on you!), and Bruce.
All the talking and GALing I was supposedly doing kind of got nullified this morning when thinking about all this and looking in the little planner I started using to help me see what is coming in the days ahead. Everything in it is W,D,or S stuff. I have NOTHING in there about a single plan for myself that does not involve a trip to the doctor. So...
I have lots of vacation left and today I am going to start planning something. Big trees in Cali or maybe even something more exotic. I don't know but even beyond that I need to do something THIS FLIPPIN WEEKEND. Looks pretty pathetic when it hits you and you see how you are planning your life right there in black and white, only YOU are not in it. Today a concerted effort will be made to put ME into MY plans.
Enjoy your day all, and stay dry if you are here in the midwest.
Staying dry is not a problem here where I am. My H is b!tc$ing about the water bill because I have to keep the grass alive. The worst part is, it's a dry county, and I can't even "water" myself.
You plan that vacation for yourself. Do something YOU'VE always wanted to do but couldn't because W wasn't interested. Take a flying lesson, go to a golf tournament. ( I'm mentioning things that most women would rather die than do.)Whatever it it, make sure it occupys your mind as well as your body. That's the trick to it.
Punkin...does your town have sewer fees? There is a giozmo that can be put on, usually one time fee, unit cost and install that keeps track of watering/filling the pool usage without tacking on that extra, and for us HEFTY, fee.
{quote]You're still too focused on what she thinks. I know it's easy to say that and hard to do, but do it you must. She's going to say what she says and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. It comes down to control, and you have none over her.[/quote] This ^^^ is a great quote. Dude, she is really only thinking about herself right now. You will need to accept that right now, you do not matter. The key words are "right now". You see, none of us know what will happen in the future. None of us can ensure that she will wake the F up. What we can assure you of is this...
You work on you and you will be a better man. A better father. A better friend. A better partner in your next R, which could very well be with your W.
As hard as it is, your decisions right now should be based on what is good for you and the kids. PERIOD. The more you try and consider how you feel the more you keep yourself attached to her, which right now SHE does not want. The more you pull her closer the more she pulls farther away.
Your probably (if you are anything like me) still at the point where you are thinking..."what will she think about this or how may she interpret this" - STOP it.
Continue to detach my friend.
As for the vacation - be very careful with how you spend your money. Make sure that your L understands what you are doing and why. Any excess spending especially if you own a ton will be viewed negatively by the court. I understand that you need the break - dude i get it. Just be careful.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Watching the $$$ flow closely Eric. Talked to three of the four credit card folks that I am inheriting and got payments and interest all cut down for one year on a LBS program (They don't call it that, but I figured we could here at DBing)
Poked the lion a bit and told W I would be glad to work things out so that she could have the kids on her weekends off and I would take them the other weekends. I get weekends off whenever I want them.
She spazzed and said she had told me about this for weeks...9 days actually...and that she could "throw that right back at me" by giving me the kids every weekend I was off. I resisted the urge to say fine and tell her I am no longer working weekends, but just told her I was only trying to help and that her schedule would be fine.
works better for me as I get kid time on her weekends while she is at work and then on my weekends as well! Waterpark Mom's weekend...movie and some pizza dad's weekend. I feel for the folks who have to struggle for this kind of time. One bonus of the MLC nuttiness and illogic, I suppose.
Go to W's house and fix ejector pump as best I can and come upstairs to find her without her ring on. She had paired it down over the last year and a half, so I guess it was no big deal...hurt like hell though to see it.
Held myself together until I got out of the house and then just drove around a bit. Almost called her during total breakdown...for the first time I felt like she should experience one of these ridiculous sob fests, but good sense won out and I did not call her.
I went and got a hair cut, a new pair of shorts and a shirt, and had a few beers with a friend. I suppose these baby steps is how it is going to go, but I have a big insentive to get myself a computer because I really think I do my best unwinding here with you folks. Good that your DBing couch is always open.
I know the wedding ring thing hurts, even though I had to stop wearing mine due to water weight ( that's my story and I'm sticking to it ) Now that I've lost 28 pounds on the grief and desolation diet, my rings fit perfectly, but there's no reason to wear them.
As hard as it is now, and you will have future days of gloom and doom, I can tell you it'll get better. I had a bad day a few days ago and even my hangover has a hangover. Hang in there guy.
W wants me to call mortgage company to help get payment lowered. Wants to split kids on taxes when everything I read says I should claim them. Why do I get the feeling I am the conductor on the train heading towards my own demise?
