I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[WhatNow]

I learned this from Ann Landers years ago. When someone asks you a question that is too personal, ask them a question back.

Like: "Why would you ask me that?" with a bright smile and looking slightly confused.

Or: "Why? Are you going through a divorce too?" with a concerned look.

What ever their answer, you have the opportunity to move away from them without having to answer.

Have it canned and ready to go!

[newmama]

Ok, thank you WN and GM! I will follow a combination.

Sometimes if they say "Oh, what happened?" I can ask
"Oh, well have you gone through something like this before?"
and they will say "no, thank God!"
then I can say "yeah,it's really hard." and change the subject or walk away.

Today someone did ask me if I wanted more kids, and that is how I did explain that I was going through a divorce. I said
"well, I DID but now I am not sure because I am going through a divorce."

So I do know this: it might be hard for the first week, but I will have a canned q or response and then my positive attitude will distract them from my sitch, right???

(but come on--- it is rude for a total stranger to ask!! I think, though, that I have been guilty of asking q's when at a party...now I will be better!)

[newmama]

damn it--

I think I get why most of us on here are still pining a little for our spouses or go up and down...

we do not have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

NOT THAT it means that is the answer...I know we need to heal and deal, work on ourselves before getting involved (why again? I get confused...to not get broken hearted??

For me, I have a panic attick thinking of that level of involvement/work/time commitment to another person right now! No boyfriend please! ( Although I think I

will probably not post as much once I go back to work.

And those that are reconciled don't post much....wait, there are a few and I wonder "why are they spending so much time on here instead of being with their spouses?"

NOT in the Surviving the Big D forum, obviously!

but anyway just saying.

[newmama]

awesome poem posted by Flowmom on FB (but written by someone else)about loneliness being a good thing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

loneliness is freedom...easy and weightless...healing if you let it...

[Mrs. A]

GM, it's awesome that you're comfortable being forthcoming with your coworkers. I'm not (right now), and my opinion of what to say to them changes daily. Here's my latest:

Coworker: Oh, (implied: you're not wearing your wedding ring and the photos of Mr. A are all down), how's Mr. A?

Me: We split. So what can I do for you?

HAHAHA! I'm cracking up writing that because I know I will NEVER have the guts to say it!! But it sure is fun to think about it!!!

P.S. That might not sound so outrageous to everyone, but to me it would be HUGE!

[Gardener]

nm,

damn it--
I think I get why most of us on here are still pining a little for our spouses or go up and down...we do not have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

In my case, I disagree. I don't want a girlfriend/relationship. FWB might be different
But I am nowhere near relationship ready. Not by a long shot.
I still pine and go up and down because my life was yanked out from under me, my world turned upside down and my future stolen. Without explanation.
I pine and go up and down because I still am on the Mourn/Grieve-Detach-Fine-Mourn/Grieve roller coaster, even when I think I've long since gotten off of it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPw-3e_pzqU


Peace,

[newmama]

yeah...I don't have to post every thought I have...strike that comment about boyfriend/girlfriend.

What Gardener said.

sheesh, I am silly!

[newmama]

haha, Mrs. A! Oh wait...are you Ms. A now? Like I am Ms. Newmama instead of Mrs.?

well for me, it would be
CW: I am sorry to hear that. What happened?
me: He left me. So, are you ready for Back to School Night?

hahahahahaha! I mean heh heh heh!

[Gardener]

I agree with WhatNow: a bluntly polite, "why would you ask such a personal question?" is a legitimate response.
And screw what they think about it.
A question like that in my book is akin to someone just coming right out and saying, "put me in my place, wouldja?"
Ggrrr!

[newmama]

So tonight I obviously am not doing something great...but I did go for a night walk like I used to do pre-stbxh! I live in a safe neighborhood ...I check the police reports in the paper and the incidents in my area revolve around traffic tickets or vandalism by teenagers. Not to mention that I have left my garage open on accident a few times ALL DAY and NOTHING was stolen. Phew!

Anyway, it is a lovely warm summer evening and I walked for an hour, listening to my ipod to Alanis Morrisette (NOT that song'You Oughta Know') and, hee hee, Belinda Carlisle! That's right! I love "I get Weak," "Mad About You," "Leave a Light On" "Should I Let You In" and "Summer Rain."

I also listened to The Cranberries and had an instant flashback to college dorm days...

Am embracing being alone, I guess. Although I am on here! I have a book that I could read so I might try. It's just that it makes me fall asleep!

Oh and today, stbxh came to pick up S (after his 2nd custody class) and he went to the kitchen (which was a disaster) to get a drink of water. My handle to the oven fell off and I was procrastinating on figuring out how to fix it. He saw it and immediately went to the garage to get a screwdriver to fix it. I also had a bag of stuff to take to the recycle bin and he took it. Well anyway, I still made it clear with my body language and demeanor that I wanted him to leave. So opposite of where I was a couple of months ago!