Ok just finished talking...wow I learned so much from DBing and MWD! Well, weird as it sounds, it was a discussion mostly centered around his relationship with his exG.He is going to talk to her next week to see where they stand.
He said he called because he wanted to explain why he backed out...(my gut also says something else) but we talked for another 90 minutes all about things like co-dependency and what is important in a relationship, etc. Still, mostly about his relationship with her
I shared some OBJECTIVE (good for me!) opinions like:
1)4 months is TOO SHORT to expect someone with a lifetime of anger issues to change-he thinks she should be an improved version when they talk next week (WHAT???!!! after FOUR months????)
2)ACTIONS speak louder...she can talk all she wants but he won't know until they resume things between them to see if she is practicing what she preaches. So he needs to be WARY.
3)He has every right to expect her to comply with his requests (trust me, folks) and he is worthy of that
4)She thinks he will always be there, because her stuff is still at his house, he is still talking to her family and telling them how he is standing by her if she gets control over her anger management issues...he will need to 100% ready to walk away from the "messed up" version of her (but willing to take back the improved version)
5)He is an excellent catch and will be snatched up in no time but that she is holding on to him still because he is allowing it yet she KNOWS he is an excellent catch!
6)It may take him walking away completely, cutting off all contact with her family, moving her stuff out for her to get it
Gee, was I talking about myself here? I AM A SLOW LEARNER!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Oh and he said a few times that he just thinks in his gut that they won't end up together...
I think that if he wanted to talk to me about JUST his relationship issues, his text would have been something like "Hi newmama! How are you? Can we talk later tonight?"
and no flirty statements.
That is my gut....do you think I am right?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Hard to say, NM. Someone who spends 90 minutes talking about their exgf isn't looking for a new relationship - they're looking for a shoulder to cry on, IMO.
Where do you look for guys in person?
By doing things you like to do, like going to museums, wine tastings, cooking classes, singles cruises, or by doing things GUYS like to do like sports bars, car shows, boat shows, etc.
Not that I'm an expert. I read it in an old book from the 80's called "How to Marry the Rich" by Ginie Polo Sayers.
After my father died, my mother told me, "The first time I married was for love. The second time would be for money."
Crass...or sage advice?
As Ginie pointed out in her book, "It's as easy to fall in love with a rich guy as a poor guy. And you tend to have more fun with someone who's not sweating his car payment." Later in the book she says, "Some people call me a gold digger. But we all have criteria for potential mates, whether it be education, politics, or religion. One of my criteria just happens to be money."
Well, IMO the thing to be upset about is a MAN knowing full well a woman is in to him and using that fact to talk about his GF for hours under the guise of being interested.
As I said, I am NO expert when it comes to dating but it's a pretty sh*tty thing to do.
As I said, I am NO expert when it comes to dating but it's a pretty sh*tty thing to do.
I told her she would probably run into such an archtype while dating in my "dating is a battlefield sometimes" admonisions. I was dismissed by her with the pronouncement that "dating should be fun" in all capital letters (I think she was shouting?).
It's not that I don't see what you are saying, but do you see that she is on the rebound sa bit here too?
Let's be honest about men and women dating. While you hope the date is pleasant, if you are dating for the right reasons, then you are at least hoping that among the many people you might have to date, that you meet somebody who you feel a connection to and who feels the same way about you, and hopefully that you are both healthy enough emotionally and mentally not to screw it completely up at some point.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/06/1002:27 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
That is exactly why I am saying it! Of course I understand that she is on the rebound. Sometimes though it is hard to see where you are at when you are there... its hard to get out of your own head.
It's like being drunk and not realizing you are drunk but everybody else sees you falling down and slurring your words.
IMO it's not easy to "see" things sometimes when you are in it.
