Good for you on the bicycling GAG! My H used to do that all the time and has gotten back into since he left. I just could never get into it...I'd go with when we first starting dating. He bought me a nice bike back then...I still have it and did take it out the other day. I live in a town with lots of hills so was a little wimpy!
It is good exercise though and good for you for passing up those younger "kids"!!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
When I read your response it made me think that cycling might be a 180 for you?????? Obviously it would only make sense if you could have at least some interest in cycling yourself. Don't know if I would be so into cycling if I lived in hilly terrain like you. Just putting that out there for you to consider........Cycling is great for your b****cks and legs!
In my case, ping pong (PP) has really turned into a strong thread between me and XH and looking back it's interesting how this evolved. XH played racquetball for 30 years and is very good at it. I became interested in taking PP lessons when I learned how good this sport is for your brain....and I saw it as a way to meet people and make friends during the winter months here. In addition, a very small part of my brain thought that my taking lessons might intrigue XH, but this was not my primary reason for pursuing this sport. I found a PP coach and started taking lessons......Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, XH was being told by his orthopedic doc that he can't play racquetball anymore because he is on the verge of needing a knee replacement. When I tell XH I am taking PP lessons he is intrigued........then, he and BMF (very negative influence) have a falling out and now XH is looking for people to have fun with.
The first time we practiced PP together 2 months ago XH was very distant ------ the alien himself. I kept it light and fun that evening......... Fast forward to this evening......... On very little notice XH and I moved up our planned Wednesday PP game to today. We played this evening for 1 1/2 hours and the man who showed up was very much like the man who courted me 7 years ago. We both giggled and laughed the entire time. XH was spinning around in circles in between his shots....and I surprised him with some really good shots myself!
Afterward we walked to our cars together. XH had spent the weekend visiting friends who own a resort in a neighboring state. XH and I stayed at the resort together when we were courting....and I giggled to XH remembering that when we stayed there in November it was so cold that when XH had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he just cracked the door open and p**ed (no indoor plumbing). I was afraid of bears (sorry Flowmom) so I just "held it" all night. I think it was a good opportunity to remind XH of a good memory that we had shared...........When we finished chatting XH leaned forward to give me a hug (I typically wait for him to initiate hugs --- he often hugs at least once per interaction). It was weird, but at that moment I almost leaned in to kiss him because our time together had been so warm and fun, that I forgot for a moment that we are D'ed. I had been transported momentarily to our courtship. That feeling really surprised me because have suppressed those feelings for so long and am very careful not to initiate romantic contact with XH. Makes me wonder if XH may have felt something like this too?
Just before parting I asked XH when he might be able to help me with a few things around my house (he agreed to barter services 2 months ago but I hadn't really followed up with him before now ----- was following his lead). He said that he had been waiting for me to ask him! Well this reminds me of a pattern in our M and past R ---- I initiated things because H/XH held back. This makes me wonder if he is holding any thing back about his thoughts and feelings now??? Does any one have any thoughts on this?..........Anyway, I think XH will be coming to the house on Saturday afternoon to help me clean out my gutters and fix a light fixture.....
In retrospect it seems miraculous the way this is unfolding. I couldn't have planned this better than it is happening right now. I have no idea where this is going (don't worry, no expectations, I am following XH's lead), but regardless of where this road takes us I am very pleased that the hurt is dissipating between XH and me.
JMO but I don't think it would hurt to test the water a bit. Keep it as non pressuring as you can. It's not like your XH can use divorce as a threat. As long as you have as close to zero expectation and protect your heart, go for it.
You may be surprised to find out that he's waiting for you to make the first move.
I agree with SA and punkin but just be careful as you don't want to scare him away! When you were courting the first time around...did you follow his lead? I'd say that is what you need to do now!
On the cycling...I did get my bike out a couple of weeks ago...I rode the path of least amount of hills in town and when I got off my bike, my legs were like jelly! I was sad because I walk these hills almost everyday and really felt like I was getting into shape but it is so different on a bike! I will keep working on it! My Buttocks could sure use it!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Thanks for your thoughts SA and punkin. I mighta, kinda, sorta done that in a very small way. I told XH that his hair looked really nice..........and while we were playing PP, XH was pulling PP balls out of his pockets, and I asked him if he had any more balls in there? XH: "No". Me: "Are you sure there aren't any more balls in there? I think there might be some"
I have some mixed feelings about all of this that I will write about soon. Help in putting those mixed feelings into perspective would be appreciated
Thanks for your thoughts. Actually when XH and I were courting initially he hinted that he was interested and then I initiated and moved our R a couple notches forward.........XH initiated the "lets move in together" step. After 2 1/2 years of bliss together I made it clear that I really wanted the type of commitment that comes with M and then gave XH time and room to decide if he wanted to propose M. .....so I guess we've gone back and forth on leading in the R in the past. We are both independent, self-sufficient people and always respected one another, so this back and forth seemed to work.....My gut instinct in this situation is that I need to wait for XH to initiate but that I need to give him subtle validation and reinforcement as he does so.
Regarding your biking, here's a few hints that might make the experience more fun for you. I am no expert so I'm sure there are others who can give you good pointers. I don't know what your current level of knowledge is so I hope you won't take offense at some of my simple suggestions.
--make sure that you take adequate fluids and snacks with you for your ride. If you don't have enough energy for your ride it won't be fun. --have your bike tuned up. In my area bike shops charge anywhere from $40-$90 for a tune up. If your chain is really dirty it's hard to ride. If you don't want to spend money on a tune up, at least lubricate your chain, gears, and wheels. --how many gears does your bike have? My new bike has 30 gears whereas my old one had 21. Those extra lower gears have made it much easier to climb hills than before! So much more fun! ....and if you don't have a lot of gears, you can have a bike shop change out your gear set to increase the number of gears. This may be a bit spendy, but it may be cheaper than buying a new bike --pedals with toe-clips or clip-in pedals give you more power with each stroke. This gives you a more efficient and powerful ride and helps you to save energy to pedaling......these can be tricky on hills though.
CW, if you start talking to bike shops in the area about some of these things you will have some new topics to ask H advice about when you see him.......or maybe don't ask H advice.......just let him see hints of your "new hobby" and let HIM initiate questions. Do you wear black spandex bike pants when you bike? Imagine how surprised H would be to see a pair of those lying around the house next time he stops by? Just a thought.
Thanks for the tips GAG...my bike has 21 gears and I do have to clips! I do think if I just start out slowly and add a little more each day I could work my way up!
SA...As far as wearing black spandex shorts...not sure that would help my sitch! Might send him running farther away...lol!!!
Would H just think I was copying him since that is something he and OW do together?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I think it was a good opportunity to remind XH of a good memory that we had shared...........When we finished chatting XH leaned forward to give me a hug (I typically wait for him to initiate hugs --- he often hugs at least once per interaction). It was weird, but at that moment I almost leaned in to kiss him because our time together had been so warm and fun, that I forgot for a moment that we are D'ed. I had been transported momentarily to our courtship. That feeling really surprised me because have suppressed those feelings for so long and am very careful not to initiate romantic contact with XH. Makes me wonder if XH may have felt something like this too? 
