There you go with the quotes again! It's ok if you want to take up space on your thread!
We don't know your H, and we are only seeing one side of the story. You know what I mean about wishing we could look inside our spouses head to see what the heck is going on in there! You may be suprised! I'm sure he sees you as someone he can depend on. Someone that takes care of the kids, dinner, paperwork, shopping, cleaning, trash, yardwork, etc. Oh crap, he sounds like me and my W walked!!!!!!!!!!!
she walked..I didn't...should I have?? or will I always be the dependable wife??? the one who's here? the one who bites her tounge to save her m..the one who accepts "just enough" almost to spite herself..the one who just keeps it all in...I never kept it in before tony...h always knew exactly what he was doing when he was doing it that pissed me off...that didn't stop him...that pushed him away...now I keep my mouth shut and put on a happy face..tell myself it could be worse...be happy at least he came home...how long can I tell myself it could be worse when I know the truth is it could be better...not sitting here saying why should I be the one to change...I have changed...h is still the same dud he was before..
shortly after discolsure of ow...h took off to new orleans with buddie to see super bowl...he left a night early to plow...he was there for the weekend...came back late due to snow or something and then the next day spent all day watching a tape of the game with buddie at buddies house?
that was not a result of h's a..or anything else..that was a result of h being who he is...selfish.
I do know that the points I make are known to you. Are you looking for an answer? Do you know the answer? When you sit back and look at the situation, where do you see it going? What do your guts tell you?
IMP
PS to Tony - I don't love anyone that I have never met.
You need to figure out just WHY this makes you so angry. In a different world, if you were okay with this, S would be okay with it - "hey, S, daddy couldn't make it back in time, but we know he was out having a good time with his friends, and when he gets home he'll take you out and tell you all about the game. Maybe when you're older you can go with him? Won't that be fun?" My kids were always okay with my H travelling for work because I was okay with it and didn't make a big deal out of it.
So - if it's not really about S - is it because you resent him having fun when you aren't? Sorry, but that's YOUR issue - he's not stopping you from going out and having fun with your own friends - YOU ARE. (Took me a long time to figure this out myself ).
If it's because you resent him spending time with buddies when he doesn't give you enough time - well, have you shown any interest in going to the games with him? Learning the lingo, buying some tickets for the two of you, etc.? It's important to make an effort to share your spouse's enthusiasms with them, even if it wouldn't be your first choice. Right now, all your anger and resentment are achieving is making him rebel against "mom" who is trying to keep him from having any enjoyment in life! Don't go there. Drop that rope.
ok kml, get ready to have your 2x4 thrown right back at ya!
Quote: okay LL, duck because here come the 2 x 4's.
You need to figure out just WHY this makes you so angry. In a different world, if you were okay with this, S would be okay with it - "hey, S, daddy couldn't make it back in time, but we know he was out having a good time with his friends, and when he gets home he'll take you out and tell you all about the game. Maybe when you're older you can go with him? Won't that be fun?" point is h doesn't have time for son and it will be a long time comming before h takes him to a game and then it will only be when it's conveineint for him...I asked son if he likes watching football with daddy...son said..no...I like when he watches my channel with me...but that rarely happens My kids were always okay with my H travelling for work because I was okay with it and didn't make a big deal out of it. I honestly am happier when h is not here it is his constant lack of dependability that irritates me...if you don't know what time you'll be home then don't tell me you'll be home at x time only to either not show or show an hour later..that's not fair to me or the kids if I know he's not going to be here I can put son to bed with out a fuss cause there's no point in waiting for daddy.
So - if it's not really about S - is it because you resent him having fun when you aren't? Sorry, but that's YOUR issue - he's not stopping you from going out and having fun with your own friends - YOU ARE. no actually geography is (Took me a long time to figure this out myself ).
If it's because you resent him spending time with buddies when he doesn't give you enough time - well, have you shown any interest in going to the games with him? I'd go to every game if he'd let me but he doesn't! Learning the lingo, buying some tickets for the two of you, etc.? he has season tickets and I have to beg to get to one game, in past years I've not gone at all...I got interested and wathced all the games...and then he retreated..went elswhere to watch didn't bring me to any games..why? cause I don't have a penis... It's important to make an effort to share your spouse's enthusiasms with them, even if it wouldn't be your first choice. it's never my first choice...h is the one you should be talking to here not me..he shows little to no interest in my interests... Right now, all your anger and resentment are achieving is making him rebel against "mom" who is trying to keep him from having any enjoyment in life! Don't go there. Drop that rope. I'm not holding any rope..I dropped it a long time ago...honestly I'd be happy if he left again...let him go off into the sunset with little miss cancer..see if she's happy with a self centered man.
tell me tony..you had a passion for race cars..if w wanted to go would you have taken her? would you have let her enjoy you enjoying your choice of recreation? or would you bring her into it for a little while and then push her away saying this is just the guys????
I would love to share h's enjoyment with him..trouble is I did that before and it got me no where but pushed away...I do try to enjoy it now..I can't always watch the games cause I'm busy with the kids..but I'm sure to put dd's game shirt on (seems to be good luck as they've only lost when she didn't have it on) and check the score from time to time and im his phone to say woo hoo! when they score...but because I don't have a penis I can't buy the other seat..that's for his brother...hmm funny that it's a just the guy thing..strange that last year when bil couldn't go he gave ticket to his wife so my h went with bils wife while I stayed home (and nope he didn't tell me about it either)
I'm just the wife...that's all I am..I was just the girlfriend..now I'm just the wife...why should I expect anything more.
cut the bs, what do you really want that is IN YOUR CONTROL?
just curious
kitti
to either be left alone or for that other person to actually participate with me in this r..sure he may feel right now like he's pulling the ship because he makes the money..but if I were to check out..this ship would sink for sure!!! he doesn't even realize that or show it.
what is in my control?
to not give a flying f what h does or doesn't do. to stop making exuses for h to the kids. to go live my own life and hope that doesn't as I suspect it will only serve to push me further away from whatever there is of a r here.
I BEGGED my wife to do things with me, she never would. I thought she was my best friend, my only friend! I guess she never really was in love with me all these years! The reality is just now setting in!
).