Quote: so how many of you are waiting for the part when LL comes back and gives herself a good whack with her own 2X4???
LL
WHERE is that "raising one's hand" icon????
Sage
despite the fact that h was swamped with work yesterday..trying to finish up clean-ups and get all the trucks ready for the up-comming threat of snow...
he drove me into boston for my eye exam... ha sat across from me as they drew blood from my arm...all the while making silly faces to try to distract me. when I felt a bit woozy with having 5 vials drawn...he snuck off to go to the bathroom..upon deciding that I too should relieve myself I found him at the vending machine getting me a drink and some crackers. he claimed all responsibility for not getting the heat in my car fixed over the summer (it is damn cold in a car without heat) he turned off his cell phone while he was with me. he was attentive. he jokes with me...when I let him... he smiles... he makes me tea... he does kiss me every day..ok so not a down right passionate kiss..but it is more than like you'd kiss your mother...think it was me who just took it that way for so long that is what it became. he smiles more... he's silly... he asks what's wrong and I believe he genuinly wants to know cause he doesn't take nothing for an answer and often points out why he's asking.
I have seen similar posts from you. You still have the same situation that you did before the trip to the doctor's.
IMP
fine imp..
would you like me to say...
LL....your h is a selfish pig who has been screwing around on you since day one...you've just been too blind to see it...you got all wrapped up in his gentlemaness. You are nothing to him but a trophy and if not for the kids and the house he would never have come home. You think that he didn't want to take off his wedding band becuase it meant anything to him...well your wrong...he didn't want to take it off becuase it made him all the more attractive to the little hussies..then he could play the my wife just doesn't appreciate me card too.
or would you prefer I say...
LL, take a good look around...look at who h really is and stop comparing him to the rest of the creepy a$$holes in this world. What is it you're really looking for from him...thing is you don't even know...you say you want him to want you physically and then when he does you get pissy cause you think it's only because he's horny..do you not pay attention to what he does do for you? You blame him for your position and lack of free time...what do you do to ensure your time...heck if you can say "I have a meeting at x time" and can leave then why don't you either put your foot down and say I'm going here or there at x time and go..if he can't be there get a sitter to cover the gap..what's wrong with that? H is not the selfish one, you are...you want it all to be about you you you!
aw the hell with it...there's no point in explaining myself to anyone other than myself.
My m has a TON of positive things going for it and some areas to work on
THAN
My m. is filled with negatives and there's a day or so of positives on occasion....
I FIRMLY believe your sitch is the FORMER....don't YOU?
Sage
it is only when I sit back and stop looking for what it is I think I want and look at what I am getting that I realize I am getting what I want and the things that I'm not getting I can ask for and will be more likely to get if I am already looking at the r as positive and just looking for a little icing, instead of constantly acting like everything depends on what I think I want.
so, ya, I come here to piss and moan..and most of the time don't tell ya'll what happens five minutes later...I don't tell you that h is happy when he calls...I don't tell you when he calls I only tell you when he hasn't..I don't tell you all the good things he does do every day I only tell you what I think he isn't doing.
some people seem to want me to be negative and when I try to step back and see things as positive they want to point out to me that I really think it's negative. When I'm thinking negative there are people who like to keep me there.
H is a good man and that's all I have to say about that.
Quote: H is a good man and that's all I have to say about that
and personally, i think that is about all that needs to be said
ll, that is why this place is here, so we vent our anger here instead of at our mates. venting to our mates will not get us closer to our goals
i for one knew you would come back with positives. you always do. like all r's there is a cycle, you are not immune to it, i just think you are a bit more vocal than others
i for one don't expect you to be negative, i expect you to rant and then find the answers for yourself, you ALWAYS do
"looking at the r as positive and just looking for a little icing, instead of constantly acting like everything depends on what I think I want.
so, ya, I come here to piss and moan ..and most of the time don't tell ya'll what happens five minutes later. I don't tell you all the good things he does do every day I only tell you what I think he isn't doing.
H is a good man and that's all I have to say about that."
There still might be a little hope for you LL! Not for me though!
That was a very good response. I like a little fire in a person's belly. My point is that you still have decisions to make. Has your situation changed? What is your opinion? Are you going to forgive this man for straying? Can you be happy in this marriage?
I do understand that this is a roller coaster ride for you. And I have looked at your subsequent posts. Yes, you do bitch, moan, and complain. That's ok. But at some point you have to stop. Tell us about the positives.
Quote: it is only when I sit back and stop looking for what it is I think I want and look at what I am getting that I realize I am getting what I want and the things that I'm not getting I can ask for and will be more likely to get if I am already looking at the r as positive and just looking for a little icing, instead of constantly acting like everything depends on what I think I want.
Thus I suggest that you read this book: "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings" by Lynn Grabhorn. The basic ideas of the text is that we get back what we give off. This might help you.
LL, I see your oscillations. So all I have to go on is what I have heard you say and what I have seen you write. And one of those things was that you didn't know if you wanted to be married to this man.
So, I will leave you with this question. Have you decided that you are going to be married to this man?
That was a very good response. I like a little fire in a person's belly. something I usually have tons of! part of the problem My point is that you still have decisions to make. Has your situation changed? from yesterday? from last year? has he changed? have I changed? have we each changed? has neither of us actually changed cept for the way we look at things? What is your opinion? on what? Are you going to forgive this man for straying? see that's the hard part...forgive him for what? for having a secret friendship with this woman? for falling in love with this woman? for not realizing early enough his role in how things got to where they were? for feeling like he had to leave? sure those things I can forgive him for..it is when I start to loose faith in him and wonder if he's telling the whole truth about ow...was he screwing her 3x a week? for that no, I cannot forgive him...at an earlier point I may have but since he has (possibly) lied about it for so long and since that was one of the biggest things I was lacking in the r...I think the roof would come off the house if he changed his story on that now..but then again the truth is the truth and it is what I want and is in part what is keeping me from comletely forgiving him. I cannot just assume he's lying about it because that's not fair as it is possible that they never actually did anything but it also doesn't seem fair for me to be left holding this question either..why is it that I can't fully believe his answer? am I expecting that he would be like me? would I let it get physical? and of course if it did get physical my forgiveness may depend on at what point it did...color] Can you be happy in this marriage? the reason for most of my unhappiness with the m was that I thought h didn't really care about me...so my question is can h be happy in this m? can we both be happy in this m? the answer of course is yes. the real question is can we both do what it takes to remain happy in this m and keep it going?
I do understand that this is a roller coaster ride for you. And I have looked at your subsequent posts. Yes, you do bitch, moan, and complain. That's ok. But at some point you have to stop. Tell us about the positives.
Quote: it is only when I sit back and stop looking for what it is I think I want and look at what I am getting that I realize I am getting what I want and the things that I'm not getting I can ask for and will be more likely to get if I am already looking at the r as positive and just looking for a little icing, instead of constantly acting like everything depends on what I think I want.
Thus I suggest that you read this book: "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings" by Lynn Grabhorn. The basic ideas of the text is that we get back what we give off. This might help you. I'll look into it, thnks
LL, I see your oscillations. So all I have to go on is what I have heard you say and what I have seen you write. And one of those things was that you didn't know if you wanted to be married to this man. I think that's a pretty normal thought to have on occassion...the problem is when that thought is the dominant one.
So, I will leave you with this question. Have you decided that you are going to be married to this man? uhm? that decision was made over 6 years ago..the question is am I going to be happily married to this man? and more importantly...what am I going to do to ensure that I am happy while married to this man? IMP
