I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[courageous wife]

oh and he said "on our 3rd date, I want to cook you...."!!!

He wants to cook YOU?

[ImprovedRomeo]

Wow, didn't know things were heating up like that

Sounds good NM. You're doing alright!

[Seeing Red]

Been reading and living vicariously through you, NM! I haven't been out that much in YEARS - and certainly not with a little one (or 3) at home.

You go, girl!

[newmama]

Haha! Cook me? With the heat we share between us, I wouldn't be surprised!

Red, since I have babysitting and stbxh takes S overnight a few times a week, I am able to get out. And as for getting out- my savings is dwindling and I know I won't be able to keep this up! Am looking forward to not doing anything on Saturday night and not even tonight if I can help it- need to sleep!

Well the date lasted 9 hours with some steamy kissing at the end! I think he may be my Dr. Feelgood- and maybe he is my "HEALER" lol!

I HIGHLY recommend kayaking...it was super relaxing and easy. I didn't flip over and was a little nervous at first about coordinating the oars with him, but it was fine. He was patient and I caught on! But he also didn't talk me through it, like stbxh would!Oh well. At the end, the teachers said they call the tandem kayaks the divorce kayaks because couples usually fight in them.

It was so weird to hear him describe things about his exW that matched stbxh...zoobrew and I both were the planners, the talkers, the messy ones, the outgoing ones, the workaholics...

our "exes" are quiet, non adventurous eaters(lol), organized/anal retentive, take charge, but good as parents to the kids, and didn't have many friends outside of the marriage.

In their marriage, they rarely argued, worked very well as a team together. De ja vous...

But at the beginning of the date, things were a little calmer on his side. He was so much more reserved and guarded and I wasn't this time! But I relaxed still and helped him feel at ease! So while we are eating dinner, he gets a phone call from his son

"Dad, mom says I can go to camp if you pay for half." Well, he just gave her $4000 and he takes them places like the beach and Oaks Park or to the mountains, buys them clothes. She just wants more and more money. (I know this is his version but get this-- his son says "we are leaving tomorrow for San Diego and she needs the check tonight." SO put 2 and 2 together...)


I was so peeved that she was using the kids to communicate with him like that...he said that the kids would call "can we stay with mommy another night? She said we could if it's okay with you" and stuff like that.

Well he did say to his son that he would arrange for it and said "your mom needs to be the one to talk to me about this."
He said she went to school to become a nurse, got a boob job, got her belly button pierced, is dating man after man... will say "I only want to communicate through email" and then call him the next day. I was thinking about everything I learned from this site and books about how to nip that behavior/cycle. But kept it to myself of course!

So then he tells me that he and his ex girlfriend were together 3 years....she got along well with the kids but had ANGER issues like she would throw things and break things and get into rages!
I told him that would scare me. I could not live like that. I would be too frightened. He said a buddy told him to look into co-dependency and see if he met the criteria. Yep. But he wasn't before her. He started learning how to not be that way and went to counseling to improve himself. (hey, that's good!)

THEN HE TELLS ME that they are taking a break...from April to August something. He told her to get help for her anger management. He hasn't talked to her at all since then and doesn't know if he wants to resume the relationship....she also wasn't able to be warm and affectionate with him.


OK SO my thinking is that we are both in a good spot for harmless fun+affection. And that is why I am breaking ALLLLL the rules like talking about exes, and being forward if you know what I mean. I still won't pursue him, though! And hopefully we can go out a few more times and enjoy each other's company, then I will go back to work and be by myself and continue to grow and improve.

[newmama]

Also- zipliner emailed me yesterday to ask me out for Friday. There is no way I could seriously be able to focus on him and enjoy his company! With zoobrew on my mind! Listening to my instincts as you advise, Romeo!

So I told him "it was great meeting you! But I did meet someone that I have instant chemistry with and am pursuing that right now. Enjoy the rest of your summer!" or somethign like that.

And I haven't heard from Rugby since Sunday before he was boating. He texted me to say "hope you are having a wonderful weekend" and we texted back and forth. I asked him a question on the last text and haven't heard anything since. Part of me is honestly a little concerned that something happened to him or a buddy on the boating adventure! We had talked about meeting up tonight but I am not going to call him. After my last custody class, I want to go home and try to get some sleep!

Whew....

[newmama]

OH and it was hilarious to see stbxh's mind going when he picked up S and I told him that my sister would be here when he drops S off... his face was searching me!

Then he walks down the hall and I am trying to say "ok gotta go..." cuz I needed to get ready. He sees the backpack with clothes in it (change for the kayak but he doesn't know it, haha!) and then he sees the iron out, and my shoes, and my outfit laying on the chair.

Take THAT, stbxh!!!!

[ImprovedRomeo]

Well the date lasted 9 hours with some steamy kissing at the end!

That's the hilight of the date right there! hey that's great, I'm happy for you!

THEN HE TELLS ME that they are taking a break...from April to August something. He told her to get help for her anger management. He hasn't talked to her at all since then and doesn't know if he wants to resume the relationship....she also wasn't able to be warm and affectionate with him.

So the good thing is that he was upfront and honest about it. He didn't have to be. Also since they were together 3 years that's a long time so that also tells me that he's not the serial-dater type of a guy. 2-4 years is the typical time when that 'spark' fizzles out and the realities of life start to set in...

And hopefully we can go out a few more times and enjoy each other's company, then I will go back to work and be by myself and continue to grow and improve.

You decide what you want! He seems interested from what you've said so I don't see a few more dates as a problem at all...

Listening to my instincts as you advise, Romeo!

Awesome! you should always be yourself that way you attract people that like the real you.

[courageous wife]

I'm with Seeing Red! I will live vicariously thru you right now! Sounds like you are having a wonderful time!!!

Good for you NM...you deserve it!

[newmama]

Okay, just killin' time before my LAST custody class!

Thank you ladies...yeah, I think a little harmless fun is in order after the year I have had! I realize that this isn't everyone's cup of tea but it works for me for now, heh heh!

Stbxh just picked up S. He says "so I wanted to let you know that you can always ask me to take S for the night if you have plans so you don't have to deal with babysitting." I just kind of paused and then said

"Well I do want him to get used to other people for when I need babysitting for a night that you don't see him."

[awest1217]

Good for you...STBXH needs to understand there are consequences for his actions.