the problem is, he's very interested in me and is still pursuing me. i made it clear that i was hoping for reconciliation and that i still loved my h very much. that i was not interested in a relationship at the moment. he wanted to go out as friends. i won't even do that. i can say that for sure. because his intention is that we start off as friends and see where it takes us. knowing that, i nip it in the bud. you don't even go out as friends. period. i don't lead anybody on.
but like all others, he gave me the "you deserve better" line.
So there you go. You did what you needed to do. Good for you.
thanks. what made the decision easy - he's not my type. very different from the phone conversation.
i sat across, did not put my hands on the table. did not reach out. no accidental brushing up, etc. i kept my distance. but i gave it a chance. i felt uncomfortable. and when we parted ways, i did not even extend my hand out for a handshake. no touching of any kind. i greeted with a handshake because it was a business meeting. and that was the extent of it.
i received a wake up text from him and this morning and i've completely ignored the text.
he texted me and told me that he found me very cute. i had nice eyes and a nice smile. this was after i told him that i wasn't interested in a relationship.
will ignoring the text messages be enough to say i'm not interested?
he texted me and told me that he found me very cute. i had nice eyes and a nice smile. this was after i told him that i wasn't interested in a relationship.
How does that make him look to you?
Going out for coffee and interacting with other people is good it lets you start to become discerning and aware of other peoples behavior.
Do you see how your thinking changed your emotions and then your actions?
Cheers
ps Bitchy and bossy (fear based) is not the same as confident and assertive (love based).
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
it's very unattractive. it's as if my words were not heard. i am not interested in a relationship does not mean i want a one night stand or a friend with benefits. that's not who i am.
Quote:
Going out for coffee and interacting with other people is good it lets you start to become discerning and aware of other peoples behavior.
Do you see how your thinking changed your emotions and then your actions?
yes. i'm pretty guarded so i kept my arms, hands, and feet to myself. i did not dress to give the wrong message. i'm stylish not skanky. but i always put my best person forward.
even though pdt advised against going and steady said it's okay. i took both pieces of advice into consideration. as long as i did not make it an official date, i didn't see anything harmful. i also conducted myself in a professional manner. it didn't feel like a date. more like a meet-and-greet.
at first, it was all excited - omg, somebody is asking me out! and when that feeling went away and meeting took place, i found myself saying, i need to get out of this.
my instincts just said, i couldn't do it. and i said that i'm not over my m. i still want to make it work. despite what has happened, my h is still a good person. of course, then i got the "but don't you think you deserve better?" .. it's clear he doesn't want this. you might as well move on.
i smiled and said no, i think there is still hope. my h and i aren't hostile. we play squash together. everyone finds it weird but we are comfortable with one another and can still hold a conversation with each other. we've been squash partners/friends for a long time. i'm determined not to let our friendship end - even if the m ends.
after we parted ways, he told me he thought i was cute. but he wanted to go out as friends. i said i'm obviously not ready for a relationship and i don't want to lead anybody on. he said "hey, i'm not asking you to be my gf. we can go out as friends and see where it goes." this is where i may need to be firm. the fact that he says "see where this goes" means he doesn't get it.
so i've ignored his text msgs this morning. being playful and fun, can get you in trouble. i've learned my lesson. i won't be bitchy or cold .. i'll just be 'dumped' ;-)
it's very unattractive. it's as if my words were not heard. i am not interested in a relationship does not mean i want a one night stand or a friend with benefits. that's not who i am.
I think Coach was alluding to when the LBS pursues the WAS when the WAS does not want a relationship... :-) Been there, done that.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
I think Coach was alluding to when the LBS pursues the WAS when the WAS does not want a relationship... :-) Been there, done that.
i am so dense when it comes to this db stuff!!
this guy texted me a few times today. i just ignored the text msgs. i don't like being texted at 5:30 am on a Saturday AM. i'm just not interested. i hope the message is clear this time.
you know, i have left my h alone. i've stopped pursuing a long time ago. i never asked about working on the m, no hugs, nothing. i don't even inquire about his daily activities. i don't call, i don't text, i don't stay home just because he does. i continue with my GAL activities. i'm still trying to work on putting the best 'me' forward. not for h. but for everyone to see.
pdt, steady: thanks for being there when i needed the advice. it was so sudden. and you responded. if it weren't for you, i wouldn't have learned my lesson. both pieces of advice helped. i realized that i do want to be with someone eventually one day. but i want it to be right. i won't settle.
Man, you'd better lock up your stock pots, and your bunnies, MIL . . .
pdt, don't scare me. what was that implying? <don't say stalker> i'm scared enough. when he texted me a few times in the AM, i got nervous. later that afternoon, he texted me again.
but it's 8:36 pm now and have not received a text since. no call either.
i've deleted the text msgs. i am going to see if i get any more "wake up, sunshine!" text msgs in the morning. i really hope not.
i was really scared when i got the text msg in the afternoon. i ignored the morning ones and the afternoon one just freaked me out.
he seemed a bit territorial. i had an appointment at the bank and he kept asking me to blow the appointment off. i was like excuse me? he said "tell the banker you want to hang out with a real man."
it really annoyed me. are you scared now? cuz i am.
