H in MLC and living with OW. Exposed - now what?

[MarieC]

Thanks for writing, Red. I hope you're hanging in there. Your story really touched me because we live in such similar worlds and have similarities in our stories.

There's not much I can really *do,* though, is there? Or am I missing something?

I can't DB a guy who's GONE - living with a skank - or can I?

I feel so passive, just waiting for the day when we see each other in divorce court, but I think that being in contact with him not only hurts me but supports the affair as he goes on and on about how "interesting" our conversations are when he sees me (well, YEAH - he's sleeping with a beer waitress who has no education!) and makes him think I'm ok so he doesn't need to feel bad/guilty/ashamed of what he's done.

Anything you know of (besides GAL and working on me) I can do, other than pray he wakes up?

[Allen A]

Marie we've been telling you this already : let GO. That's the first step to getting him back.

ENDING ALL CONTACT is going to push him to make a real choice. Until you end contact he's going to keep playing you both.

You may find when you end all contact he chooses to stay with "the skank"... so be it. You NOW can move on and enjoy the rest of your life.

If you can imagine things that can make their lifestyle uncomfortable for them that helps a lot, but you said you have done all the exposure you can...

Hire someone to hit on "the skank" so he sees her true colours? I dunno... That would make things uncomfortable there to have a third person chasing HER... But its your choice... that seems a bit desperate and maybe even costly.

My advice is just to cut him off and see what happens.

You have read Penny's eBook I posted so that's everything I have for you

[MarieC]

Thanks, Allen. It's been about 2 weeks now with absolutely NO contact. I have no intention of contacting him, but am surprised that he doesn't try to contact me anymore.

Maybe I miss the "I love you, I miss you, I want to be friends with you, I have to figure out where I went so wrong and why" emails and phone calls (and his telling friends he thinks we'll reconcile!) because they at least showed me he had SOME remorse and was still thinking about me. He told me he is afraid he's made the worst mistake of his life.

But now, even though **I** was the one who repeatedly asked him to leave me alone as long as he lived with that lowlife OW, I find I'm surprised he's finally honoring my request - and that he really IS leaving me alone. His word has meant nothing for so long - NOW he finally (after 5 months) does what I ask, so I'm shocked.

After he moved out and moved in with her, I asked him, over and over, to leave me alone, but now he actually IS staying away (perhaps because the incident with the police caused by his skank so totally made him look like an ass in our little town, where everyone knows each other!)

With him now not contacting me, and my having no intention of contacting him as long as she's in the picture, it seems hopeless. I am afraid you're right when you say,

"You may find when you end all contact he chooses to stay with "the skank"... so be it. You NOW can move on and enjoy the rest of your life."

I also can't seeing get someone to hit on the skank - it would be (as she is) too far below me.

Other than that, there's nothing left to do?

That's hard for me - I am such a hard worker, so determined, so loyal... It's bizarre to me that there is NOTHING I can do. But he holds all the cards, the man who promised me his love and fidelity and then betrayed me is the one who gets to call the shots. It's so hard...

[Allen A]

He does NOT hold the cards.. YOU do.

But you are throwing them away worrying about HIM

You have the cards to YOUR life and what YOU DO with it.

Suppose ten years from now he's gone and still hasn't grown up or contacted you... do YOU still want to be where YOU are NOW? Pining away for someone liek that?

Look at you now and fast forward ten years and ask yourself what are YOU doing to get where YOU want to be in ten years time?

Focus on THAT.. YOU have ALL THE CARDS for that.. NOT HIM... NOT NOW...

You may be loyal to HIM, but you aren't to yourself if you waste another second pining for him.

Let him go, enjoy your life, do something productive. If he grows up while you are doing that then that's great... but dont' sit around waiting for that to happen.

You are betraying YOU if you do that...

Let me put it this way... as he IS NOW... NO SINGLE FEMALE on this ENTIRE FORUM would so much as TOUCH HIM right now because of his immaturity...

So why are YOU wasting YOUR LIFE PINING for him?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

AMEN!!!

[MarieC]

Thank you, A. That's a great perspective on him and this situation. I have a feeling I will be re-reading this often...