I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[courageous wife]

Thanks Seeing Red...I will!!!

[soleil]

www.cainer.com

the nicknames are inspired by BoobiJ! She used to nickname her dates.

So I want to know when I will feel nothing for stbxh? I feel a "caring" right now. Like a tug. What is wrong with me? I do repeat "he left you pregnant for another woman. he is divorcing you. he is too immature with love."

You spent a lot of your life with him, gave yourself to him as his wife, and that's what that tug is. Love isn't a switch taht can be turned off (unfortunately, righT? haha). You will be fine though in time. YOur heart is healing.

[newmama]

uh oh!!! I meant BobbiJ!!! So sorry!!! I type fast sometimes!

just saying Rugby sent me a text saying good morning and that it was nice talking to me last night. I replied with good morning and said I was heading out the door and that it was easy to talk to him and added a smiley face.

Then I talked to my SIL about getting together for lunch this week on Friday and she shared her dating story with me. Said that at first, she talked to Wonderfulman (divorced with a daughter) about once per week, saw him maybe every other week at first and then once per week after that (because it was coordinating with the kids). Said she always had the boys with her when she wanted to talk to him and they would be sleeping with her in bed many nights. So she couldn't always get away to talk or it was too late when she could.

I just thought "oh! this might make sense for other people with school age kids who are dating" hint hint!

So got back just now from a playgroup that I used to go to but stopped. Just 2 moms. I texted ahead of time that I was feeling shy and didn't want to talk about the divorce yet. So we avoided it. It was great to see the toddlers all play with each other and although there was an elephant in the room at times, it mostly went fine. During this visit, I realized how I truly had transitioned into my single life. Because if I wanted to report on what I had been up to, it would sound like someone without kids...so I said a little but left out a lot. I focused on them and our babies mostly.

[xin]

I do repeat "he left you pregnant for another woman. he is divorcing you. he is too immature with love."

NMM,

Don't look back, keep going forward. Whatever you had with your STBXH, you will find that again with another man and you will make sure you find someone who is more mature.

[newmama]

GAL: finally made corn on the cob with butter-lime-cilantro-chili powder that I saw on Bobby Flay! I also added it to brown rice, stirred in some beans and topped with sour cream. Made some guacamole as well and S ate all of it!!

Am starting my book, sipping pinot grigio, listening to Ray Lamontagne and the Avett Brothers next! S is sleeping. Picked out my outfit for tomorrow night's date...capri pants with a sea green scoop neck top. Easy, feminine, flattering!

[newmama]

Laundry Room by Avett Brothers----beautiful! romantic!

Don't push me out
Just a little longer
Stall your mother
Disregard your father's words.

Close the laundry door
Tiptoe across the floor
Keep your clothes on
I got all that i can take
Teach me how to use
The love that people say you made

Stop your parents' car
I just saw a shooting star
We can wish upon it
But we wont share the wish we made
But i cant keep no secrets
I wish that you would always stay

Last night i dreamt the whole night long
I woke with a head full of songs
I spent the whole day
I wrote 'em down but its a shame
Tonight i'll burn the lyrics
'cause every chorus was your name

Break this tired old routine
And this time don't make me leave

I am a breathing time machine
I'll take you all for a ride

[ImprovedRomeo]

Sounds like a cute outfit, have a great time!

[courageous wife]

Have fun on tonights date!

Was the corn good? Someone was telling me about using mayo instead of butter with chili powder and something else that I cannot remember...

[newmama]

Here was a helpful article about healing from heartache!

Everyone has, at some point, experienced the loss of a romantic relationship and the accompanying heartbreak that goes with it. Sadness, anger, and shame can follow us for weeks, maybe even months, as we process our feelings. It's important to honor those feelings and not take anything personally as we heal.

Despite the turmoil, now is a great time to get objective and assess the events that led you to where you are. Setting aside your emotions will really help to get perspective and learn from what transpired.

My experience has been that of "emotional housecleaning": clearing the relationship that didn't work to make space for the one that does. I recommend starting with a physical cleaning: collecting the objects that remind you of your former partner and putting them in a one place. This includes any clothing, personal items, and, especially, photos of him/her or of you together. If any of the items need to be returned, do so. If they're objects that are free and clear and you're ready to dispose of them, great! If not, use Plan B and put them in a non-see-through container like a shoe box until you're ready to make that move. It's a good idea to take those objects out of your space as you work through the emotions and lessen the reminder of the past.

From there starts the emotional work. In my history, the initial hurt feelings I had stemmed from a place of ego. You know, variations on the theme of "I'm not good enough." Those negative core beliefs tricked me into thinking some defect of mine was revealed and scared my man-in-question away. Not only was that not true, it was my ego trying to beat me up and make me feel bad.

The truth of the matter is: some personalities just don't mesh. It's not "in the stars," as they say, and it doesn't make one of us "bad" and another "good," nor does it make me "right" and him "wrong." It just is. Now, you might be in the throes of heartbreak and think you'll never feel the same, but it's temporary, I promise. Not only does time really heal those wounds, that knowledge is powerful and will serve you for years to come.

When I was donating my Members Only jacket to Goodwill in the 90s, there was no upset toward the jacket. I had just outgrown it. And so it is for relationships. Sometimes they don't fit or ring true for us as they once did. For me, that was the sign of a new emotional plateau and a sign from the Universe to move on. I sincerely believe all my former romantic relationships have been profound learning opportunities. Not to say I felt that way during the initial sting of what I perceived as a "loss."

My philosophy is that the Universe puts lessons in our lives when we're ready for them and, somehow, my romantic life has been the greatest "classroom" ever. Recovering from a heartbreak is an excellent time for self-analysis and inventory. It's not a time to beat myself up, but to see what my role was in the relationship. I always ask, "What can I do to be more loving and compassionate to myself and others in the future? Could I have done more? Were there times when I should have done less? What were the features of the relationship I liked and disliked? What type of partnership would I like for myself in the future?" I take stock of my part and use that knowledge to enrich my future relationships.

After a breakup, intense feelings make being objective a challenge, but being able to get to this place has been extremely rewarding. I speak from personal experience when I say this thinking has shortened my recovery time by releasing my feelings into to a point of objectivity as quickly as possible. Take what you like and move on to better days, my friends!

[newmama]

Thanks guys! So, I just asked stbxh if he could take S overnights on Thurs nights for the rest of the summer. YES he can, starting tonight! So if my date goes well I can extend it, or I can always talk to Rugby or this other man that I met, lol!

I was feeling overwhelmed with dating and was telling my friend C that she thinks it is good for me though...that it is worth it and this summer is the right time to date so that I can find 1 or 2 to spend more time with in the fall, when I return to work and have less time for dating. Smart woman! Makes sense!